I'm still writing my exam
Jotting down last words
Trying to put my thoughts onto the page
Time is up.
Autism diagnostic
Sports test
Oral exam
Time is up.
I still have to study
I still have to clean
I still have to do my chores
But the day is ending already
Time is up.
I wanted to do things this holiday
I had plans for this season
This was supposed to be my year
Time is up.
I was supposed to know my path
Now I'm graduating
Last exam in three days
Time is up.
I was supposed to die
When I was eleven and twelve
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen
At least before I finish school
I had time to live
Time is up.
One day I will really die
And then I will realize
I should have enjoyed life more
I should have lived not just survived
But now it's too late
Because
Time is up.
☆
It's funny how I first drew this in a few minutes and without a plan and then wrote a whole poem about it in ten more minutes.
Time is up is such an emotional sentence for me because it describes 90% of my trouble.
I fucking hate time.
I want to be a child again but this time a happy one. I lost all my life to problems and illness, why couldn't I just be free as children should be? And now everything feels like it's ending. I don't want it to because I'm scared, yet isn't this what I always looked forward to? The end? Isn't this what I always wanted?
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - abo...
