Other people dream of monsters
Not being able to scream or run away
Dreaming of falling down and die
I dream of my classmates beating me to death
Me murdering everyone in school
Losing all my loved ones to suicide
Oh, I wish I dreamt of monsters
With their fangs and claws to rip apart my flesh
Instead I dream of people
With their words and actions to rip apart my heart
☆
I've had bad insomnia for years, meaning I stayed awake until 5 or 6am and when I slept I had bad nightmares. That time ist over, I still have problems though.
Sleep is for your body and mind to calm down and recharge. But I felt worse in the morning than in the evening because my dreams were just as bad as reality, if not worse. For idk how long, probably five years.
What helped me weren't people telling me to put my phone away or going to bed earlier - I lied down at 8 or 9 pm in darkness every day and still stayed awake for 7-10 hours. No matter what I tried, "relaxing" things like meditating or breathing exercises or just lying there and letting my thoughts wander.
What helped me were two things: The constant trauma finally ending and then melatonin. I got 1mg and 5mg pills and while some people take more than that, 5mg should have been more than enough for a pretty slim and (when I first took it) still young teenager. But some nights I had to take over 7mg and still was awake hours later.
Currently old memories are surfacing again and with them come nightmares. Not as bad as before but I hate it.
Also I am having a really hard time (since yesterday) to keep going.. It's just way too much right now and I am so so scared...
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - abo...
