(Narrator's POV)
Its been 7 years since Steven left. But he's back and everyone is happy to have him back. He's even started his own radio show that he's brought to his hometown. All in all, everyone is happy to have him back....
Well everyone except a certain rich prick who started a career as a video podcaster....
Kevin:
That fucker is back!
Clarence:
Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too
Kevin:
It's been seven years!
Clarence:
You still pissed he always beats you?
Kevin:
Uh, fuck you
Clarence:
Just sayin'
Kevin:
Things have changed a lot since he left town
Clarence:
That's for sure
Kevin:
I gotta send a message of who's really in charge of things now
Kevin:
Welcome home
I'm gonna make you wish that you'd stayed gone
Say hello to a new status quo
Everyone knows that there's a brand-new dawn
Turn the video on! (Camera speeds, rollin' in three, two)
Top of the hour, and we're discussing a certain has-been
Who has been spotted cavorting around town (welcome to the show)
After a seven-year absence
Did anybody miss him? (Welcome to the show)
Did anybody notice?
More on tonight's program
So Steven Universe is back in town
Why is he hanging around?
What does that mean for your family?
Well handily, I've got good news
He's a loser, a fossil and I don't mean to sound hostile
But he's nothing but a coward!
You can take that as gospel
Pulling my viewers? Impossible!
I'm visual, he's barely audible
Stop givin' him the time of day
Don't listen to a word he'd say
I hope he had a nice vacay
But he should've stayed away!
While he hides in radio
We pivoted to video
Now his medium is gettin' bloody rare
Life's been better since he split
Where's he been?
Who gives a shit!
Steven:
Hey everyone.
Good to be back on the air!
Yes, I know it's been a while
Since someone with style treated you all to a broadcast
Glad to be here!!
Kevin:
No one wanted you here!
Steven:
Instead of a clout-chasin' mediocre video podcast
Kevin:
Come on!
Steven:
Is Kev insecure? Pursuing allure?
Flitting between this fad and that, is nothin' working?
Kevin
Ignore his chirping!
Steven:
Every day, he's got a new format
Kevin:
You're lookin' at the future, he's the shit that comes before that!
Steven:
Is Kev as strong as he purports
Or is it based on his support?
Yet he always wastes time coming after me
Kevin:
Oh, please!
Steven:
And here's the sugar on the cream
He asked me to join his team
Hold on!
I said no, and now he's pissed off, that's the tea!
Kevin
You big loser prick
I'll show you suffering
Steven:
Uh oh, the video is buffering!
Kevin:
I'll destroy you, you little–
Steven:
I'm afraid you've lost your signal
(Steven's eyes turn to Diamonds as he continues)
Steven:
Let's begin
I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone
Tune on in when I'm done
Your status quo will know its race is run
Oh, this will be fun
(Kevin slams his fists on his desk!)
Kevin:
Fuck!
Told ya I'd do this! XD!
