Sunshine, Starlight | Aryan Simhadri

Part 32

I didn't feel any better after I let Valeria explain her reason

I looked at the ceiling of my room and there were a million thoughts in my brain that I couldn't place in order

I was finally letting all those emotions get to me because I was in the peace of being on my own, I didn't have to worry about ruining other people's day because it was just me. I couldn't ruin my own day more than I already had, I was hiding in my room from people who wanted to hear how my day went, who cared about how I felt, maybe it's my fault, maybe I just push people too far away from me, maybe Val was right

I sat up and flipped my nightlight on, I then opened the top drawer and pulled my notebook and my pen out, I needed to sort my thought at least a little

Hiding
I kinda feel like an island
I should go home, but I'm fighting that right now
People freak me out
And I panic
I should be cool but I panic
Out of the blue and I end up On the ground, weaker all around
But it's so hard
When it feels like my fault
When I keep 'em so far
Happens when I go dark
I'm so unsteady

——

Words seem to cut so much deeper
Right to the bone, and I let 'em break me down
Someone pull me out right now
I'm in danger
The girl in the mirror's a stranger

——

Lately, I've been staring at the ceiling
It's a sort of funny, quiet feeling

I never really think when I'm writing, I just write everything down that is in my mind, I can worry about putting it into an order or adding them together logically later

I put my pen and notebook down when I feel like there are no more words that need to come out

My phone lights up beside me so I grab it to see the message I got

Leha 😋✨

What is this about 🤨

Sorry, Walker stole my phone

Why are his pupils so huge what is he on 😭

If only I knew anyways the interview tomorrow got pushed it starts at 4 PM

So sleeping in 🤪

Yep just wanted to let you know, goodnight now <3

Thanks Leah goodnight 😴

I laid back down in my bed and closed the light deciding that I'm just going to scroll through TikTok a little until I get tired

I open my eyes breathing heavy breaths, I looked around the room trying to remember where I was and then finally saw the light of my phone on the bed, I reached for it to find it burning hot and a TikTok repeating over and over again, I leave the app and check the time

3:26AM

Great, I did it again. These nightmares had been haunting me since the night of the premier, they were different but all of them had the same ending Val betraying me

I put my phone on the charger and turn my back to it to try and get some more sleep, I hadn't slept through the night since the nightmares started and it was really starting to get to me

After laying awake in my bed for another 20 minutes I decided there was no use and turned to open the light, I then grabbed my favourite book  that I had brought with me Better than the movies and read for what felt like forever until I heard my phone ringing

"Good morning Belle" dad smiled through my phone waving at me "Oh I hope I didn't wake you"

"Oh sure of course you hope that" I grin as my father starts laughing "But no you didn't wake me"

"Alright great so how are things going over there how are you?"

"I'm good, things are good"

"Wow so much detail spare me a little"

"Well what do you want to hear ? I did my first interview yesterday"

"See I want to hear about that, beast" I rolled my eyes at the nickname he had given me when I was 4, we were watching the beauty and the beast and I picked up that Belle had the same name as me and dad just started calling me beat after that

"It was really fun, I love all this. Like one of them was how well do we know the Original Percy Jackson books"

"Wow you must've killed that"

"It was so much fun and I got to talk about my casting experience, maybe I should just be a professional interview talker cause I love this"

"I know Belle I heard you through your walls quite often"

"Well I killed it"

"I know you did"

"So tell me about back home how are things there ?"

"We're keeping up, a lot of Christmas preparations going on at the moment, I can't believe you won't be here for Christmas"

"I really wish I was I want to be"

"I know darling, work first huh ? Starting young with the workaholism"

"Well you gotta see where you start right ?"

"Absolutely"

"Are Tanner and Leena asleep ?"

"I think so, I'm only up because I forgot to make cake for Tanners class. What about Walker"

"I don't know, he's like 5 rooms away from me"

"Wow so much distance between the twins"

"We live it's not that dramatic" I talked with my Dad for an hour straight before we both had to get to breakfast so I got ready quickly and went downstairs

Authors note:
Screaming in daddy issues while writing this