Sunshine, Starlight | Aryan Simhadri

Part 127

I looked out of the window of my cab and just admired the beauty of this city

The girls were at an interview right now but I wouldn't be joining them until the next one in a few hours so I was going to the hotel first

I hadn't told them about the break up yet, I hadn't told anyone, besides Walker, about the break up but I knew that I would have to tell the girls soon, we were going to spend 2 weeks together 24/7 and they were 100% gonna notice it, because even if I could play the acting weird off because of all the shit that's happening anyways Aryan and I talk on the phone daily or we used to do that at least and me not even talking about him wouldn't go unnoticed

I went up to the receptionist to get my keycard and then went up the elevator into our room, I was sharing it with mo and xochitl while Sophie and malia got the room next to ours

I chose the one bed with no clothes thrown on it and just let myself fall onto it looking up at the ceiling

I couldn't believe I had actually done that.

I was so not ready for any interviews right now but I was even less ready to face the rumours of me not showing up

I hopped into the shower and let the cool water run over me, making sure it didn't touch my hair since I had no energy to do an entire curly hair routine right now

I still had over 2 hours left when I got out and sat down on my bed pulling my notebook out, I hadn't written anything since Darcy passed.

I took a look at it before opening it and looking through the pages stopping at a song I had already released in my EP mess it up

Every time I get too close I just go mess it up.

I turned to the next page mirrorball

I'm still a believer but I don't know why, I've never been a natural all I do is try try try

I turned to the next free page and took my pen out, I stared at the top of the page for a while not writing anything, there were so many thoughts in my head I didn't even know where to start, but there was one sentence repeating itself over and over in my head

Know it's for the better

Writing my feelings down made me hear myself all the time, would it make me believe myself too ?

I just started writing it

Know it's for the better

And then again, again, again and again, more tears filled my eyes with every time I wrote it down, a few of them even landing on the page and then suddenly I had written it down about 40 times and I had to put the pen and the notebook down besides me since I had started absolutely bawling my eyes out again

It is for the better. It was the right thing. But if it is the right thing why does it hurt so much ?

I picked the pen up again and just started writing, trying to turn that into a song, which seemed impossible at the start but was an entire song within just minutes

I didn't know why I thought this would work out, why I thought Aryan and I would actually work out. It's not like the stars had ever aligned for me before, why would they now ?

The stars never aligned...

What was I thinking looking for a sign, as if I've ever seen the stars align

I flipped the next page and wrote it down, then within the next half hour I created a whole mother song and it was time for me to start getting ready

I got up from the bed heavy hearted and walked to my suitcase to pull my make up bag out

I got in front of the mirror and started applying some concealer before starting to be completely eaten by my own though, it was too silent

I thought about putting music on but I felt like whatever song it was gonna be it would just annoy me so I did the next best thing, I called Walker

We talked about some random things for an hour until I had to leave to meet the others, I really hoped no one would notice

Mo was waiting for me in the lobby on her phone, her face lit up a little when she saw me and she came over to hug me

"Heyy, how are you ?"

"Alright"

"You don't look alright" I looked at her for a second, there was no way she had- "but I get it, no one is mad if you want to take more time off Belle, a loss of someone so close to you can be scarring"

"No it's fine" I let out a quiet sigh "I'm fine"

"Alright then, you can tell me if there's anything I can do" I nodded slightly

The interview went by pretty peaceful, so did the evening, no one even questioned me about Aryan, which I was really glad about, and the distraction felt good for me because even if it was just for a second I forgot about all the pain I was feeling

Authors note:
Tomorrow is my last day before  summer break 💪💪
So more posts in coming (I hope), but for now enjoy the chapter that I totally didn't write while I was super sleepy