Sunshine, Starlight | Aryan Simhadri

Part 31

"Belle ? Oh thank goodness you finally picked up, I've tried to reach you for days how are you ?"

"Just get to the point Valeria" I noticed her taking a quiet gasp at her full name, I rarely called her that in a completely serious matter, usually using her nickname. I held the phone up so that my mouth was near the speaker and out it on loud

"Right, I'm sorry Belle I'm so sorry I never meant for this to happen"

"For you and Jason to happen or for me finding out to happen" she stayed silent at the question "right"

"It's not my fault though, Belle I have liked Jason since 3rd grade did you know that ? No. I've been pining after him for over 5 years and you just come back from filming some show spend two school days with him and suddenly start dating ?! That's not fair Belle. I had a crush on him for so long and you get along with him for two days and get to be his girlfriend ?" I sat there with my mouth slightly open, I had in fact not known that she had a crush on him, she had never told me.

"Well how was I supposed to know that Valeria, you never said anything about that and you never acted that way around him. You never even mentioned his name until I started talking about us being friends"

"You should've known Belle"

"How should I have known something that you never shared with me, you never acted like you had a crush on him Val, you never talked about him- I listened to you talk about other crushes for days and weeks and go all shy around them but you never mentioned Jason. Do you think if I had known that you like or even liked him ever I would've started dating him ?! I had no clue Val you can't blame this on me this was all you. This is all of your own making" she didn't say anything "are you still with him ?" She stayed silent again "yeah"

"Come on you can't just break our friendship off because of some guy"

"Woah Val I don't think you understand what all this is about. I couldn't care less about some guy right now. I care about the fact that you betrayed me like that. You got with my boyfriend behind my back, that's not something that best friends do Valeria. This whole thing is not because of Jason alright ?! This is because of you. This is because you decided that you wanted to start something with my boyfriend. This is because you didn't come to me with your feelings first. This is because you did what you did. This is because I wasn't enough for you"

"Don't say that" She was crying in the other end of the phone and it was breaking my heart

"You need to understand that Val, our friendship didn't break because of a guy, it broke because you were selfish and didn't trust me enough"

"Belle-"

"Was there anything else ?"

"I'm so sorry" I hung up the phone after that. I didn't want her to hear me crying. I put the phone down next to me and put my arms back on my legs closing my hands to hide my face as I just sobbed into my hands

How could I not have known it all this time ?!

I felt like a horrible best friend

I hadn't been enough for her

After 9 years of friendship she had decided that I was not enough to keep her from getting with my boyfriend

I really am unloveable, who would choose to love me ? I know damn well I wouldn't. No one could ever love me. That might just be my fate. I'm just the unloveable side character who no one actually needs

I sat there and cried on my own, there were no stars that shined in the sky tonight and suddenly they didn't feel as close as they always had anymore, suddenly it felt like I was miles away from all of it

I thought that talking with Val would be the thing I needed to finally be able to move on but now I'm thinking this might've only made things worse

I was starting to feel everything I had pushed down and it felt like my chest was going to explode from the amount of pain I felt in that moment

Maybe this was the beginning of closure, maybe to get to the closure I had to feel all of this but for this moment right now I wish all of it could go away and leave me alone

I threw my head back and gasped for air, cool night air filling my lungs, I closed my eyes and pretended that just for a second I was an 8 year old kid again who had sneaked out in the night with her twin brother into the garden because they couldn't sleep and wanted to watch the stars. I pretended I was 7 and sitting in the grass with dad while he cleaned the wound I had gotten after I had scraped my knee falling while playing tag with Leena. I pretended I was 6 sitting on the swings with my sister talking about
what kind of princess we wanted to be when we grew up. I was 5 sitting at the pool with my mom while she explained I had nothing to worry about because she was always there to hold me up the water. I was 12 sitting on the side of my little brothers bed and laughing at his silly dreams. And then I was 14 again, sitting on the stairs of a hotel on my own, without my dad to clean the wound or my mom to hold me up the water.

Authors note:
I just wrote all this in one sitting in like half an hour, the words just came out one after the other
What an amazing friend Val is right ? 😁