Supernatural Imagines

Depression (Winchesters x Reader)

Warning- suicidal ideations, sensitive topics

Summary: Y/N is at her wits end being a Hunter and wants to call it quits. Winchesters find her before she tries to commit.

Y/N was sat alone in her bed again. The boys and her just got back from another hunt. She had been a runaway. Her family didn't understand her and were toxic. Always snapping at her or blaming her for everything.

She developed a new life once she found the Winchesters. Now all she thinks about is how dangerous hunting is. How her depressive thoughts are still lingering with her.

She started to think about everything that was weighing on her shoulders. The past creeping into her thoughts.

*flashback*

"Why don't you do anything around the house? You're always cooped up in your room. You never spend anytime with us. Why don't you start paying the bills around here? You're so selfish, ungreatful-" Her parents continued to snap at her.

-time skip-

"I'm asking you on your day off to do something for me and you didn't even do that-"

"You just brought it up as you came home-"

"I thought you would've taken initiative like an adult. I shouldn't have to tell you these things like you're still a kid."

-another time skip-

"Oh so I'm the asshole? I'm always the bad guy? I give you a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back-"

"You always do this-"

"No, I don't. You're the one who's ungreatful and lazy."

"So it's my fault?"

"No one said that."

"You always seem to say it that way-"

"Don't bring up your kid crap. That stays in the past. Some of us know how to move on."

-another time skip-

"You need to start giving us rent money around here. I don't care that you don't have a job to meet that required amount. You should've thought about that before you decided to drop out of school!"

"My mental health is suffering and I can't focus on school. That's why I dropped out-"

"We told you before you dropped out that you would pay us rent. Now give us the money."

"I need to work on my mental health first."

"Okay. I'm glad you're willing to see a therapist. We still need the money from you."

*end of flashback*

Y/N sniffles as she didn't notice she started crying in her bed. She felt very self conscious about who she was as a person. She started to think about if what her parents said was true and that the Winchesters had just been lying to her. Telling her she's done good in her life when she knows that she's just added on more pain and more sorrow.

She felt like a waste of space. Like a burden to her family. She was so broken and didn't know how to talk to someone. And when she did, it came down like a waterfall. She would over share and get it kicked back in her face that she was mentally ill. That she deserved the treatment she got.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her overwhelming thoughts.

The thoughts just kept on coming. All the smiles both men had faked in front of you. They just want to gain your trust before snapping at you how terrible you are. Throw in your face how the support they give you is just a living space.

She kept going in circles as more tears spilled out. Her head just lingering back to all the fights with her parents and how they ignored her emotional feelings. Saying she needed to man up or be an adult and take the criticism. She just felt like she never did enough for anyone. The boys were just going to grow bored of her and drop her off somewhere at some point.

She took another deep breath through her tears. She then started to think the worst: suicide. No one would miss her. Sure the boys had gotten to know some parts of her but she knew how to hide her true emotions well. That's why she'd cry in her room late at night. Away from the world and left to herself as she always had been. Her parents always saw her as this useless person and the boys didn't need her. Surely they'd be fine without her.

She grabbed out her gun from her jacket. She sat on her bed, staring at it. She fumbled with it in her hands. She cried some more as she really didn't want to die. She just wanted peace. From her overthinking. From the past always reminding her of how she was not good enough. She slowly raised the gun to her head.

Meanwhile, the Winchesters came back from getting some food. "Y/N, food!" Dean called out. He took off his jacket. Sam grabbed out some plates. Dean grabbed out three beers.

Sam got out all their food orders. They knew what Y/N liked from this one place they went to regularly. They knew she couldn't resist her favorite meal. They had noticed right away how standoffish Y/N was. How she kept to herself and other times not so much.

Dean sat down and put a napkin on his lap. Sam joined him. They then saw Y/N didn't come over. "I'll go get her." Dean sighed and threw his napkin on the table. He got up from his seat and walked over to her bedroom door.

"Kiddo, time to eat." He says as he knocked. He could hear faint crying on the other side. He frowned and slowly opened the door. "Y/N?" He says softly.

He saw as he walked in that she had the gun to her head. "Y/N!" He ran over fast and got it out of her grasp. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He snapped, hearing Sam's boots running down the hall.

He saw Sam appear in the doorway as Y/N just cried. Dean held Y/N close for comfort. It was awkward for Y/N since she had never had this much affection from someone before. She continued to cry it all out into Dean's flannel. She calmed down after a bit and sniffles. She liked Dean's embrace.

Sam sat on the other side of them. "Y/N," He cleared his throat. "Wanna tell us what you were doing with that gun?" He asked gently.

"I just couldn't do this anymore." She croaked out. "Hunting, my past life with my family, I just can't." She sniffles again. "I thought hunting would fix my mental health but it can't." She frowned.

"Well killing yourself is definitely not going to solve the issue." Dean stated.

"It'll stop the voices in my head telling me I'm not good enough." She admits. Sam and Dean shared a look.

"Would it make you feel better if you went and saw someone like a therapist?" Sam asked her. "They're trained to help someone like you." He says.

"I don't know." Y/N started to get choked up again. "I just... need reassurance." She says, a few tears going down her face. Sam frowned at the sight of her like this. He saw Dean equally as upset. They had never seen her get like this. She knew how to bottle it all up.

"We're here for you, Y/N. We're not going anywhere. We love you. So, so much." Sam says, holding her hand. "I want you to know that you're a good hunter and very well at lying about how you feel. But you need to talk to us or someone about these feelings." He admits.

"We almost lost you tonight... how do you think Sam and I would feel?" Dean asked her in a quiet tone.

"Sad. I just thought about myself... how... how you would both just move on like how my parents are right now." She says. "I'm so sorry." She sniffles. Dean wiped her tears.

"Hey, it's alright. Like Sam said, you need to talk to us or someone about these thoughts and feelings okay? We're here whether you like it or not." Dean kissed her forehead for a few seconds before pulling back.

Y/N nodded and cuddled into Dean. The boys just stared at each other, trying to process all of this night.