Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

LOG

I'm at the zenith of learning to appreciate small things in life,
I can't imagine that I'll reached this last level,
and I am always grateful for the things that came event I didn't ask for it.

It started like a hard mass that builds up in my chest,
feels like a heavy stone, that will never put me to rest,
a serial killer, a paper that says you're "under arrest",
a plausible warrant that hunts you forever,
an accusations about being envy,
my lying skills will go under a test,

I didn't say any word to fool you,
I just make some excuses to hide that it's true,
I don't want to blame myself about this, that you still exists,
and I hope to experience the day,
where I put a bruise on your face using my fist,

This is a certain hate that lives under my shadow,
I always smile just to show that I was casually calm,
but I will don't hesitate to introduce you to my knuckles and palm,
and kisses from them wouldn't be enough,
I am not a cool guy, I don't like to be seen as tough,
but I would like to give you a moment to realize,
that life isn't always smooth, you'll face something rough,

I am bad in writing such hate phrases about somebody else,
you know, I hate myself more than you hate me,
I tried to end this, but destiny won't let me,
so be grateful to receive this kind words from me,
that I would never admit that I was crazy enough,
to envy all the things around me,

All the things that I truly enjoy can be found in your natural habitat,
we came from the same species of animal, but we're not similar in social classes,
I was covered in wood, you're enclosed with glasses,
I was sleeping on these rags, while you're drowning in riches,
can't wait to see you down there,
while the harpies continuously reaps you up to pieces.

I didn't get a chance for redemption,
this is a true accusation covered with false information,
will god can forgive his creation filled with enormous amount of hate?
will he let him rest for his entire after life?
will he still open his gates?