Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

2:00 AM

"he's pathetic, he's a hoe",
words that makes my heart to sow,
Some hatred among the people who treated me bad,
So much for the open space i created for those who cried in glad,

Something makes me so unatural,
a place where i can shout out the pain inside me,
where all the voices keep on taunting on me,
and found out that they were devouring me,

why should I go suicide?,
when i was already dead inside,
why should i cut my wrist?,
when i was failed to resist?,
holding the gun straight to your mouth if you incist?,

I locked myself in pain and i live with it,
she treated me like her son,
but her kiss was cold and dead,
chilling my intestines until they bleed,
Or should i say burst my veins and fill it with greed?,

Nobody knows i am free,
for they only know that i am just the one that they usually see,
i am not tasting the freedom that I wanted in my whole life,
and it seems like i was'nt be tasting it forever,

What time is it? I thought its getting late,
past 1 a.m you knocked and I am on sane,
trust my blades and smile for we're the same,
bathing in our own blood till 2 a.m came,

There's a small hole in my chest that i can't sew,
i can't breath without it, i so i must knew,
the needles were sharp and it panctures in blue,
till you cry out loud and let it bleed till due,

my words were random and senseless,
that's the right word to describe a person with mental illness,
but I does'nt have medical backgrounds in me,
i thought it was build by sadness you'll see,

Things get a little colder and warmer,
two words that can't jammed together,
like our hearts chosen from march till december,
when January started i lost my expected forever,

forever is just a word,
for it only posses good and bad situations,
"you will e happy-forever",
"you will be sad-forever",
It flows when you interpret it right,
But in my case,
I should keep it in my briefcase,

your promises was crying over me,
And your smile keeps on hunting my mind,
your voice keep on playing in my ears,
and your hands were called,
i miss you here,

The night was deep and you're not here,
my mind was empty and yet I think of you,
my room was messy and my bed smells tears,
my bathroom was filled in red,
not my blood but with wine,

My eyes shut for a minute and relaxed myself,
I take a blink for a second and opened my eyes,
my hands were stoned and iced,
it's too late, i should take a nap.

Been an hour and a half wasting your time,
I happy that you're here with doing this crime,
I wanted to end this poem with rhyme,
But how should I end it?
Should I sip a half piece of lime?