Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

STANDARDS

This is the dumbest thing that I created,
No wonder why i was so scared right now,
My eyes always melting in midnight,
Where no one is around, I am feeling safe and sound.

I can't see the undo button here,
Nor the eraser to eradicate this mess,
This is an unbreakable path, and the only way out is to surrender,
and I don't know if my mind can still lift these luggage,
That is getting larger,

Wandering and trying to be cool,
staying up late just to pass in school,
my course? it is not that crazy, I'm just a fool,
Trying to blend in the tiniest part of the whole,

I feel lethargic,
My mind is filled with emptiness,
funny thing that I can still create words without connectedness,
maybe here, I found the happiness,
Maybe not, maybe yes,
Or I was just pretending to be one to get friends.

Apathethic vibes,
Nothing to be seen, nothing to prove,
I'm just here to meet the standards,
that I didn't even set for me,

This is a late night rant,
Where both sides of the pillow isn't cold,
and the television screen is on static mode,
where the wind coming in from the outside gives you chills,
But you didn't have blanket,
Nor even a jacket,
The feeling of eating a cold soup,
Where you didn't have spoon to scoop,
The feeling of running in an endless loop,

I am a rubbish,
more like a dumpster,
but I do smell nice,
when I take the shower,
I can be who I am,
I might be a pretender,
but the thing that drives me crazy right now,
Is the fact that I will be a total stranger,
If I didn't meet the standards,
On how to be a teacher.

I'm not happy anymore,
I am surviving just to evade the tag of failure,
Maybe because the achievement is always imprinted on me,
And their eyes was watching everytime I move,

Reading this feels like sipping a cold tea,
Or being splashed with water on the bus stop,
feels like forgetting to take your umbrella with you on the rainy day,
and being trapped in the basement on the sunny day.

The things that is happening right now feels like it is based on the weather forecast,
it is predictable but not entirely a subject to be pressumed.