Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

JUMP

This is a mistake,
like putting the water on a broken glass,
you can't sip the right amount that you can take,
I know it sounds stupid,
I know it looks fake,
but jumping to end my life isn't a piece of cake,

I love coffee flavored treats,
palpitations, making my heart beats,
faster than the strike of the thunder,
make me forget the last night's sober,
warmth in the middle of the winter,
while having a hot cup of caffeine,
is the best feeling ever,

Oh how I miss those days,
where I can cheat the food that I eat,
where I wanted to find some peace by going out alone,
stepping outside my comfort zone,
listening to someone that says "I will never be honed",
while making fun of them,
making them look dumb,

My foot is on the edge of the balcony,
and jumping will only costs my life,
funny,
how uncanny it might sound,
but I do like this feeling to be around,
for I was filled with uncertainty,
a challenging part of being a mysterious guy,
so hopeless, no one calls him "honey",

I am not a bee,
I am just busy,
I feel sorry for the moments I missed because I am working tremendously,
and I never think about its consequences,
That will cost the lost of your smile,

Maybe jumping isn't the only option,
but I don't have a choice,
being alone isn't forever,
I will be one with the soil, later or sooner,
for I have doomed my soul,
to the darkest extent,
while my body is rotting,
even before I am not dead,

I'm so dead inside,
I am losing control of my emotions,
I want to let this slide,
I don't have other doors to unlock,
maybe there are so many ways,
but I choose to let this go,
and I personally don't want to stay,
because to be filled with hatred,
while breathing the same air you breathe,
is a chance of dying,
don't worry, I will never and ever plant a full grown hate,
let's take it from the start,
like scattering some seeds,