Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

CONVERSE

I've never felt so disappointed with myself,
this is the time when I let my thoughts out and say something,
But I feel like I am irritating you,
I am badly hurt to know that expressing my concerns will not only ruin the mood,
but also cuts off the flow of the conversation,
and with no hesitation, I heard the call die in a few seconds.

I feel like such a fool for caring too much,
and dumb for being overstimulated,
so this is all where it was situated,
I am lost in the map, and I can't find the place where I started,
I panicked, I ran through the walls, begging for the exit,
but I realized that the only thing that will put me to sleep tonight, is being sedated.

I am healed, but the scars reopened again,
sometimes the only thing I hate about myself as of people pleaser is treating every person with love and actions that I badly need,
I became the source of sunlight for people who badly needed it,
and the cumulonimbus cloud that will rain down for them to grow,
give them a seat so they can hear and see the movie in the front,
encourage them when they feel low,
turn around to come back when they say so,
even through the days, the blues should lay low.

I seek validation,
I seek self-improvement,
I seek comfort and understanding,
I seek anything that will make me fall asleep on time,
I seek the bed I used to love,
I sought, I explored, I was trapped,
and now, I lost, myself.