Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

OUTBURST

This is a new chance of hoping,
Trying something new, doing anything better,
stitching all that needs to be sewn, but now it looks harder,
it doesn't fit to my feet, the enormous size of the shoe,
I need to buckle it up, pretend,
that this is all I knew,

Nothing seems to fit,
someone better with a handful of words,
a dreadful act of satisfying their hoards,
I light striking on the board,
The squeaking sound makes me bored,
The stacks of paper works didn't satisfy my craving for learning,
nor the books that I spend my time,
I'm just focusing for nothing,

I can't assume, I can't jump on conclusions,
I am not a gymnast, or a magician that creates illusions,
I am just a student, I can't answer all your questions,
lower your standards, I can't reach the level of your expectations,
blood and tears were shedding, I am pouring it all,
I am new here, I am nowhere to be found,
you can light my way, but you blindfolded me,
I am doomed, I am scared of trying,
I just felt that I can't end this without dying,
can't stand this,
this is a part of shaming,
the words right now, circling inside my head,
I am just taking it all, just scraping,
I am dead inside, i'm screaming,
The darts are already deep back,
The pain is inevitable,
There's no other way, I can't move and pray,
my neck is stiffed, can't look away,
can't close my eyes, I feel dizzy,
Because it's already 3am, I'm trying to be busy,
I can't absorb anything, there is a test for tomorrow,
the chances of passing is high,
but not for the score my dear,
because I am going to die.

A/N: an outburst, I love it so much.