Spring Moon

01

Life is full of surprises, I believe it.

Good things happened at the time we least expected, agreed.

However, contrary to how I really, wanted to experience a life which was full of surprises to the extent I diligently prayed to God to grant me a miracle to have a wish fulfilled, I never thought that I was not ready for any of it.

I frowned, and even squinted my eyes to have a better look at the 10:12 p.m. of early April lit phone screen but still doubted everything I saw. Did I see it correctly? Or did I actually haven't woken up from falling asleep earlier yet to check on my phone? This was still a dream, wasn't it?

Deleted message was written in the chatbox under the contact I saved as Kevin Moon.

"What the..." I sat up straight on the mattress, pulling the screen closer to my face to inspect the info of the deleted message. "9:44?!"

I almost lost my mind. Out of many days, why it must be today that I felt extremely tired after some writing and thought to take a nap at 9:40 p.m., and absentmindedly put the phone on silent? If only - just a little change, I hadn't silent the phone, I probably would've woken up by the notification 4 minutes later and could directly read the message sent.

The exact 28 minutes would never pull me into a pit of curiosity, wondering what Kevin wanted to tell me or ask me.

"Should I just ask him why he deletes?" I bit my nail, hesitantly making a decision. "Will I look desperate?"

The same question I asked Evelyn in another text sent to her which did not take long until I received a reply from her.

This is a necessity, ask him bestie!

Who was I played with? When it came to Evelyn, the answer would all encourage me to do something that I hesitated.

And I was still hesitant.

Maybe, people would think that I needn't worry about anything because it was Kevin Moon. Someone who had been waiting until I was ready to open my heart back to him. Someone who'd tried to show me his effort to have my heart.

Yes, it was true. Nonetheless, things had changed.

It was just at a perfect time when I was ready to tell him that his waiting had come to an end and that he slipped away. The fluttering efforts had never been seen again, no worry notifications popped up on my screen asking where was I or what was I doing - it had all stopped at last year's summer. It almost seemed like nothing really happened between us to rekindle the broken hope.

And I was certain that he got tired of waiting and eventually stopped to pursue his feelings for me.

Hurt? Of course, I was. But, somehow I'd gotten used to the fact that I was a lost star who'd wished for nothing but a beautiful moon for myself even after knowing that there were still thousands of stars blinking in the dark sky.

And somewhere there, I had fallen back to the state where I started to pray for him to return to me. For, I'd fallen in love with him for the third time.

However, what happened tonight somehow had bloomed a small hope from the deep pit of my heart that something would change.

And I've decided to pick sea-width courage and ask him directly tomorrow. For, I would be seen too desperate if I asked tonight.

"Let's just sleep, Ivy..." I told myself after tossing the phone away and curling under the duvet for real sleep.

*

I was contemplating.

I'd typed a simple text message yet I couldn't hit the send button because I was afraid. Neither could I decipher what kind of fear welled up inside me. Fear of seeing a reply? Or fear of never getting a reply? Or fear of disappointment?

But, all of that ended when I gritted my teeth tight with my eyes closed and I finally sent it!

"Whatever happened, I don't care," I slid the phone onto the table and took a grasp of the teacup served in front of me - Earl Grey tea they said.

At the second sip, the vacant seat of the book cafe across from me was then filled, an anticipating face was staring right into my eyes that I nearly spat the tea out.

"Any reply?" Evelyn questioned and I breathed out, putting down the teacup.

"What do you expect?" I asked back. "It's Kevin Moon. He probably is busy doing his work. Let's wait until lunch break."

"You know, it's killing me!" She then hit her chest. "I'm dying to know what kind of message he sent. And why did he delete it?"

Trust me, my curiosity is doubled, I spoke in my head.

"I'd better go," I announced, finishing my tea and blowing a kiss to her. "Send my regards to Jacob!"

"Be careful of the door!" Evelyn warned just right before I could hit the glass door again.

"That was a close call," I heaved, pushing the button on the handle to have them slid open. "God, they should change the mechanism."

I might be complaining due to the bad experience I had on my first day coming here - I hit the door, but, deep down I was proud of both Evelyn and Jacob. Their business expanded a lot so they had to move into a bigger building near to my publisher's office. They said, that thanks to Chanhee's idea to add books in their previous cafe and gratefulness for having an author friend and the stocks Sangyeon supplied for them - they were stable enough to open another branch later.

And this situation somehow made me believe that what we had today wasn't all for us. It must have been just a little from that to carve another people's path and we could be successful together.

But, I sternly warned that I would never share my love with anyone! And speaking of which, it was finally the lunch break and Kevin hadn't read and replied to my text yet.

"How could I think to fall back for you when I clearly said that it was enough?"

Frustration started filling me in as I locked my phone again and tossed it aside on my working desk. My laptop was staring at me but I purposely avoided eye contact. For, I couldn't even harvest anything from my little brain to form even a line for my new project.

It was frustrating.

"Knock, knock, Ivy!" An energetic voice of Haknyeon then echoed within the four walls, his refreshing smile lit up my world as he stepped in, a chocolate bar in his hand. "I bring this for you."

Haknyeon, giving me something to eat sounded so... wrong?

"Are you sure you are giving it to me?" I scrunched my brows and he furiously nodded. "Why?"

"Because it is from your fans, Moonlight," he remarked.

"That's what I meant... Normally, you will just show it to me and you will run with it. But, today... you gave it to me," I pondered and Haknyeon then cupped his hip while scoffing.

"This time, you received a lot!" He exclaimed. "And I just gave you one."

"How many did I receive?"

"50 was what I knew. Maybe there were more."

I was at a loss for words. I did receive a lot of gifts from Moonlights which did nothing but make me feel guilty. First; they were so kind to deliver all these to me. Second; in all the gifts they sent, they would wish me good luck for my upcoming book which was still in slow progress. I felt bad for making them wait, but to give birth to a good book wasn't that easy.

But, wait a minute...

Moonlight?

"Haknyeon," I called him rather carefully as I fiddled with my fingers. He hummed as a response and I questioned, "Did you... talk to Moonlight's admin today?"