Spring Moon

20

"So, you are telling me that you ditched him afterwards?"

The question thrown at me while I was browsing the books on the shelf unknowingly made me sigh, returning the one in my grasp back into its slot. I glanced over my shoulder and found Faye's anticipating orbs that seemed interested in understanding the story I brought up from 2 days ago.

"I didn't ditch him," I said, taking a seat at the same table Faye was sitting at in our friends' cafe. "I told him, I felt so tired so I wanted to go home."

"Same thing. Duh!" Faye rolled her eyes at the same time Chanhee, Evelyn and Jacob joined us.

Chanhee suddenly laughed which sounded not genuine at all as he recalled the day he third-wheeling me and Kevin. He must have been on the cloud nine, didn't he? He was enjoying his day in someone's pain.

"She is so unmatured," he emphasized the last word as he pointed at me. Jacob immediately nudged him after noticing my furious scoff. "Let's be real, you guys will think that way too. How come she gets angry just because Kevin told a stranger that he's her bodyguard? Duh..."

Another disbelief scoff escaped my mouth. His words kind of stung and I couldn't help overthinking. Did Kevin think the same way? That I was unmatured? Did Kevin think that his remark to Sunwoo - my fan, was normal?

Yes, maybe it was normal. Maybe, that was how boys think. But, I had a little hope left in me that he would announce that he was my plus one. However, maybe, that was too much for hope.

"I'm making it clear here," Evelyn probably noticed my foggy mind that she took the spotlight, squeezing my hand in the process to give me comfort. "If I was Ivy, I would be mad as well. I mean my boyfriend was denying our relationship, how could I act cool?"

A little smile outstretched across my face at the same time Jacob was flinching. So, I wasn't the weird one. My feelings were valid and in this situation, we had different opinions because we were of different genders. Boys and girls tended to think differently.

But, Chanhee still wanted to debate about it. He leaned forward, softly slamming his hand on the table as he said, "If you are too angry about it, then blame that fan who came approaching you."

"Why can't Ivy blame you as well?" Faye added rather sarcastically, her face was unfazed as she pointed out. "You ruin their date in the first place."

"Me what?"

"Chanhee, I'm sorry but yes... why did you agree to join as well?" Jacob surprised me by joining my side. I thought he was with Chanhee.

I really wanted to smile victoriously at all the support I received. It was now 4 vs 1 and I was sure that I would win this debate.

The most unbelievable thing that happened during the date was when I found out that Chanhee didn't drive there. He came by train and Kevin picked him up at the station. And when I lost all the joy to keep enjoying the time and decided to go home, this Choi Chanhee over here suddenly announced that he would go back with me because he needed a lift!

I wished I could ditch him on the highway that time hadn't he driven my car.

"Do you guys really think that I wanted to go as well? I'm still rational, okay," Chanhee rolled his eyes, brushing his fringe with his finger. "Kevin insisted on having me come! Even though I told him I didn't want to, he said he would even pay for all my expenses."

"But, why though? I don't understand," I tugged a handful of hair, trying to comprehend. Kevin wanted to have a date with me but why he needed Chanhee to join as well? Did he find it uncomfortable to walk alone with me?

"He's worried about you, lady!" Chanhee spat which made me flinch and all confused eyes flickered from me and back to Chanhee. "Kevin said you travelled all the way there alone and he was worried you would be too tired to drive back home. He asked me to come by train so that I could drive you home. That's how much he loves you, Ivy. Can't you see?"

There was a tight string pulled around my heart. Too tight that it suffocated me too much. It was too painful as well. I unknowingly hit my chest to ease the suffocation but to no avail. What have I done?

I had a wrong idea about Kevin. He tried his best for me but what I did was doubt him for something ridiculous. Chanhee was right, I was unmatured. Why must I take that too seriously? I could just shut my eyes, I could just let it slide.

"One more thing, I don't find any problem with him stating that he's your bodyguard," he let out an airy scoff. "What's wrong with that? He's protecting you anyway. Didn't you notice that Sunwoo boy behaved so well when he heard that? That means he was scared of Kevin and you were protected. I really don't understand you girls. Seriously!"

"Well..." Faye started, nodding at the thought crossed in her head. "That makes sense."

I sighed, once again tugging on my hair. I wish I knew what was in Kevin's mind.

"Why he never told me anything?" I said, feeling so frustrated. "He could be honest."

"You know how is he, Ivy," Jacob voiced out, painfully smiling. "He's secretive."

"But, babe... I don't think you should be complaining either," Evelyn made me lose my soul. Mouthed a thick what, I focused on her, awaiting her explanation. "You're being secretive with him as well."

"Oh! That's right," Faye supported. "If you are being honest with him, opening up to him without caring how would he react to it, I am sure you two will do just fine."

But, I'm being considerate.

"You are sometimes at your lowest too, you have issues as well. But, you pretend like you are fine in front of him," Chanhee shot me a judging look. "Hey, girl! Do you think Kevin is dumb? He obviously knows, he's just waiting for you to open up, you fool girl!"

My body shrunk. This session suddenly felt like a session where they spat out all the red flags that I was aware of. This wasn't a session in which I was supposed to take out all the unwanted feelings inside me. This was a session in which they proved me wrong. I shouldn't have validated my feelings because they were all fake, they were made up.

I was taking the wrong path. This long and dark tunnel which I thought would end in no minute if I swallowed all the negativity and forced myself to see everything on the positive was actually a dead end. And that would only mean one thing. I would keep crumbling over nothing.

"Ivy..." Evelyn draped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. "You and Kevin love each other and you two surely care about each other. So, you two shouldn't have been too reserved about your feelings."

So, that is how people view us.

I did not lie that I started having a doubt. A doubt that was screaming too loudly in my ear. Would this relationship work out?