Spring Moon

31

"You and your friends have been banned from accessing the page. I'm sorry, Ivy... But, I'm doing this for your sake."

How come it is for my sake?

"It's too much," I complained through the phone call that night, in my backyard while staring into the orange hue of the flame I ignited. "Is it Sangyeon's order?"

"No... It's mine." Haknyeon announced, and a swift sigh was heard. "I know you will keep scrolling the page to see Moonlights' comments and it's not good. Whether you believe me or not, I care about you."

Haknyeon was quite intelligent - as always. Even if he didn't elaborate more, I could catch the point. That he banned my friends too from accessing the page because he could've predicted my move. For, he knew that I would ask them to report everything to me.

Ending the call coldly, I ducked down in front of the flame watching old papers burn. The colour shadowed my face, radiating its heat in the process while the smoke stung my eyes but I didn't move. I let it hurt so that if I cried, the smoke would be blamed.

There was a box I carried from my room secretly while the other girls were sleeping - they ended up having a sleepover at my house. We had fallen asleep at the same time but I was awakened by a nightmare after an hour and unfortunately unable to sleep back. This box had always been an outcast from my other belongings, I purposely didn't touch it until tonight when I decided that this should be over.

I thought I would shed tears once I opened this box, going through all the old Polaroids, gifts and memories of either me and Daisy or her and the three of us. But, I didn't. Instead, I found myself gladly throwing one by one into the fire.

I should've done this more earlier.

Cutting ties with Daisy, I should've disposed of all this right away because I made it clear that I wouldn't take her back no matter how many gaslights she tried to shower over us like she did. Nonetheless, I refused to be childish by disposing of all the memories. I thought perhaps I could just let it be kept until whatever kind of insects ate them all.

For how many years of friendships we built, I'd never expected that she would change so drastically until one point she pointed out ridiculous things to be mad. I realized that we were kind of her temporary home only when she had nobody to return to. And when she did, she threw us away saying that we were toxic.

Had only she known how dangerous it felt whenever we were close to her - how it felt like we were walking on the cracked glass floor. For instance, in just a split second she would start to enrage just because we were late in replying to her texts.

How about her though? Did she never think what we felt every time she left us hanging?

Unknowingly, a bead of tears finally dripped down as I threw a Polaroid of the 4 of us into the flame, watching it slowly burn into ashes. With that, all the memories a picture contained vanished into the thin air.

The stuffiness inside my chest had returned as more tears dripped wetting my cheeks. Looking up at the dark sky, the moon was too pretty around this time, too bright but comfortable. Unknowingly, a smile slowly outstretched across my face. For, it felt like Kevin was here with me giving out his comfort through the moon.

Abruptly, my phone received a notification which halted me from throwing the unwanted memories into the flame just to check on it. And like it was enchanted it was a text from Kevin.

Are you sleeping? It was as simple as that, probably considering the time right now that was almost midnight. I wondered how would he react once he received my reply. For, he knew I wouldn't be alive around this time.

Not yet, I replied almost immediately and I found the double tick at the corner of the chatbox turned blue right away.

"1... 2..." I stared at my phone, continuing the countdown. "3."

Kevin Moon is calling...

"Tch..." I chuckled before clearing my throat and wiped away the remaining tears left on my face. Then I picked up, trying to greet him with a beam. "Hey!"

"Why are you still awake?" He asked with a playful tone which made me scoff.

"Then what about you?" I asked back, sarcastically at its best.

"I... am about to sleep," he sounded hesitant at first. "Just got home about half an hour ago."

I gasped - without I realized I did. I guessed it was the best choice I made about not telling him about what had happened. Just look at him, was this the character of someone who I should burden with my problem?

Kevin already had too much on his plate, I shouldn't add more to it.

"Ivy..." He called my name which I hummed, responding to him. "Is everything okay there?"

Dammit!

"What do you... mean?" I questioned, trying hard not to sound fake.

"No... I was trying to check Moonlight's page but it's inaccessible so... I wonder if Haknyeon has any difficulty with the system. Does he need my expertise?"

I had a mixture of feelings at this point. First, on Kevin's behalf, I felt unfair. He was the one who established Moonlights but Haknyeon had banned him from accessing it as well. What kind of nonsense is this?

Second, I felt somewhat touched by the new finding. Kevin Moon just indirectly admitted that he was keeping track of my activity through the page. Though he didn't say it clearly, I just knew that despite his busyness, he still cared for me.

That's enough...

And I unknowingly shed another tear at the overwhelming feelings welled up inside my chest. I was wavered to tell him everything. I wanted him to know what had Daisy done to me and the girls, what had caused our friendship to be broken up. I wanted to tell him so badly.

But, again I hesitated. I had to show myself strong!

"I'm sure he will call if he needs you," I said rather carefully, not to let my voice crack. That way he could tell something wasn't right.

"You're correct. He will call me... so dumb of me," and he cackled at the end of the line, truly oblivious of the truth.

My heart dropped to my stomach. Again, I had lied to him. The more I tried to avoid lying, I just kept falling into its trap. Telling lies to Kevin about this and that seemed like normal things that would roll out from between my lips.

I hate it.

Staring at the moon hung in the dark sky while listening to his voice from the phone, miraculously had opened a door from the trap for me to step out. The opportunity was there, it had always been there but somehow it scared me to suddenly come forward and explain my stance.

Thus, I found myself asking, "What do you think if I step down from the nomination?"

"What?!" He sounded furious, the question came out too thick. "Why?!"

"Just because..." I shrugged though he couldn't see.

"Huh! 'Just because' in my head sounds like 'Forget About It!'" He suddenly yelled and automatically I pulled my phone away. "Don't be ridiculous, Ivy! You are nominated because you are talented! You deserve a spot even as a nominee! Never mind if you don't win but at least, you're once recognized!"

I gulped.

Now... how should I tell him that my name probably had been dropped out due to a scandal?