Spring Moon

32

There was something from the late-night conversation with Kevin Moon that had successfully registered in my brain.

"I don't know what makes you feel so low-esteem but you can't forever make way for other people."

He said those when I remarked that many good writers deserved the award I was nominated for without him knowing that I was creating something not to let him be shocked once he found out that my name had gone missing from the list.

And then he added, "You have to know what's worth for you. Don't feel small and wrong to have what you have today. You have it because you deserve it."

'You can't forever make way for other people.'

'You have it because you deserve it.'

Make way for other people... Because you deserve it...

My eyes fluttered open snapping me back to reality - curling on the soft bed, sunlight peeking through the window and kissing my face. Slowly, I sat up, frowning as I did. I felt so much tired and weak - probably the drug on the bedside table was the cause.

It had been so long since I took the dosage because I'd always taught myself to control my anxiety naturally and not rely on the medicine unless it was too bad.

I guess I couldn't hold it anymore now.

I skimmed around looking for my phone just to find it laid flat on the floor. Just how did it end down there? Whatever.

The first notification that caught my eye was a text from Kevin. He sent it early in the morning probably before he clocked in the office. I didn't lie that his words kind of helped, the comfort was there even if it was only mere advice.

This time he said 'Stars are only blinking at night because they are the main characters, the scene stealers. We will only get attracted to them scattering in the sky because anything else around us can't be seen. The same goes with you, this is your time. Embrace this opportunity.'

What I understood from it was: that he wanted me to fight anything that got into my way. As I should. I should stand up for myself, I should clear my name and my friends from all the ridiculous claims made by Daisy. I should tell the world that this was all a personal problem that should be settled by the four of us without having any outsider to be involved. And that, nobody should mix my career and my personal problem.

However, I was in the incapable state that had forced me to be locked up in these 4 walls, lying down on the bed and sighing at the ceiling - just like what I did now. I couldn't bring myself to step out like how Evelyn and Faye did this morning when they left my house to go through their routine - normally like nothing had happened.

I hated it when I was the only one who was affected every single time. Not that I was mad at the two of them for being uninterrupted but at myself for being so weak. Why couldn't I be like them? Why couldn't I go out socializing to prove to everyone that I was an innocent soul?

"Ivy..."

My brows furrowed but then they relaxed. I swore I heard Sangyeon's voice and that obviously was nothing close to it.

"Am I starting to miss him now?" I chuckled, shutting my eyes back.

"Ivy, if you don't want to see me, can you please listen to what I want to say?"

Wait a minute...

I jolted up, sitting up on the bed, and eyes darting to my locked door. This wasn't my imagination, Lee Sangyeon was here in my house.

"What is he doing here?" I mumbled, swiftly moved from the bed to the door - silently. For a moment, I was hesitant to open the door, I didn't think that I was ready to face him after the intense argument we had.

So, I leaned against the wooden plank, intently listening to what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry, Ivy..." He started which had given my heart a little shock. "I think... I was too much. I shouldn't have acted that way towards you."

I exhaled relief breaths upon hearing his confession. It still felt like a dream to experience a fit of anger thrown by him, I felt kind of traumatized. My anger when I remembered how he threw my book away was still thick but somehow a small part of me was sure that Sangyeon regretted his action so much.

After all, hadn't it he wouldn't be here in my house.

"Ivy..." He called my name again, knocking on the door softly as he did. "I know you aren't well. Take as much as time you need. I'll always be by you whenever you are ready to face the world."

Then, his footsteps were heard walking away from my room. He must be leaving now and for some kind of reason, I couldn't let him go just like that. For, that was the power Sangyeon had on me.

No matter how mad I was at him, I just couldn't give my back to him. And that was how I found myself opening the door and dragging myself out of my comfort zone. Sangyeon was about to turn to the staircase at the end of the corridor when he glanced back at me.

My breath suddenly felt heavy when our eyes met, nonetheless, I found myself shooting out a question, "Why did you get so angry at me?"

A loner tear then dripped down from my left eye which I believed he noticed. His face subtly frowned before he let all his facial muscles relax and he smiled.

"I guess I've been greedy," he shrugged. "I was too ecstatic that you were being nominated for the award and I wanted nothing but you win because I know it will give us benefits as well as a publisher."

I scoffed - very faintly and sounded airy. My hand twitched to ball a fist but soon calm when I heard he added something that did nothing but soothe me well.

"For a brief moment I forgot that you aren't a business to me, Ivy," he looked at me with sad eyes. "I shouldn't have put pressure on you when we are literally family. I should've asked you what was happening when your friend did that to you instead of throwing a fit."

At that, I found myself feeling so determined. Never in a thousand years, had I felt so desperate like this and maybe this could be the first step to getting into the fight Kevin told me about. To secure my place and to fight injustice.

"I didn't do anything as per claimed, Sangyeon," I sternly said, nervousness striking my spine. "I... I... Daisy, she... lied."

Sangyeon smiled. A genuine one which turned his eyes into crescents. And surprisingly, those sights made my heartbeats calm a bit, anxiousness disappeared little by little as the older took a few steps closer to me.

"That's why I'm here..." He assured. "I'll be your ears."