Spring Moon

30

I felt like dying.

The suffocation felt like someone was strangling me with a rope around my neck, pulling me back when I insisted on going further. My trembling hand tried its best to support me by the wall while I waited for the elevator while the other one clutched tight the book which made me internally pray that nothing would go wrong.

My furious heartbeat had been the loud music in my head and my lips twitched to flow out tears. Sangyeon's words pierced through me like the sharpest sword he ever had, giving me an understanding of why they said he was scary.

As I staggered into the elevator and leaned against the sturdy aluminium wall waiting for its door to close, I seemed not to be able to fight this anxiousness that I'd been holding since earlier. I'd failed to control my breath and eventually surrendered. I let the tears flow freely, sobbing as I did.

How could I face Moonlights again after this? How would they see me? How could I tell them that what they had seen was actually not true? Would they believe me? Even Sangyeon had made it clear that he believed the post just because Daisy posted it. Simply because she was my friend.

I gasped like a fish on the ground, hitting my chest in the process. The door was about to close when an arm spread inside, opening it again when it hit the arm. With blurry sight, I squinted my eyes to identify the person who wasn't hesitant to join me inside. Hong Joochan.

He grabbed my arm, thoroughly scanning my face with furrowed brows that was so unnecessary. And with the remaining energy left, I pushed his hand that was holding me aside.

"Don't touch me."

"What happened to you? Why are you in this state?" He furiously asked, again grasping me. This time I didn't push him away not because I wanted to but because I was tired.

I almost chuckled at his question. For, it was funny. He was funny. But, again, I didn't respond because I was too tired of speaking and the urge to cry was still hammering me from inside.

"Are you going to go home in this state?" He asked again, pressing me more and more that I couldn't comprehend anymore. He was so annoying.

"Shut up!" My yell echoed within these four compact walls and was soon followed by my cry.

Joochan seemed to get the hint, his head tilted to find my eyes. Breaking down in public had never crossed my mind, let alone in front of him. Nonetheless, this feeling was too overwhelming to be kept.

"Ivy..." He called my name rather softly, and though it couldn't beat my cry, I still managed to catch it. "Since when... when... d-did you have anxiety?"

"Please... just shut up..." I pleaded in between the cries. "Don't talk to me or anything..."

He took a step back, obeying my wish well to be silent until we reached the basement where I was told to come. I still couldn't find my balance, stumbling as I made my way out. And that, Joochan had stolen the chance by grabbing my arm and swiftly turning me to face him.

"You can't drive," he sternly remarked, concerned eyes looking down at me.

"I can manage," with the last energy left, I shoved him even if it meant for me to fall to the ground, still unable to breathe well. I groaned in my attempt to stand but my effort was useless.

Kevin.... My heart yearned for him, starting to crave his presence that miraculously would heal me. But, it was only a mere wish and there would be no way I could have him right now.

Dumbly, I wished Kevin didn't know about the current issue.

"Ivy..." Joochan reached for my arm again.

"Just go!" I yelled, my trembling hand clutching the fabric of my shirt. "Go away!"

"But-"

"We will take her home."

It was then that a familiar voice was heard before boisterous footsteps of another demeanour rushed towards me, engulfing me into a warm hug I was dying to have. It was too comfortable that I cried again, Evelyn softly rubbed my back in an attempt to calm me down.

"Control your breathing, Ivy... You can do it," she whispered, rocking our entangled bodies to the left and right as she guided my breathing.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Jacob talking to Joochan about my situation. And that, he didn't spill the info about me having an attack but assured the latter that he and Evelyn would safely send me back home.

Anything... please... anything other than near him...

*

I saw Daisy posted a screenshot of a chat she received from someone who probably was a Moonlight. The person was asking why she no longer could be seen in any photo with me and my friends. Because this circle originally had 4 girls but why now it was only 3? And she replied because they are toxic.

In the caption of the screenshot she posted, she wrote The Truth of a Beloved Writer.

I felt some sort of pain to inhale and my hands started to shiver again. There was a wave of nauseousness washing over me but before it could reach my throat, my phone was snatched away.

I looked up at the demeanour who angrily studied the device beside the bed I occupied, Faye was questioning my action with a raised brow.

"Why are you looking at this?" She asked, swiftly beckoning me to move to the middle and give her some space.

"My fear is now proven," Evelyn added, taking the vacant space next to me on the other side - we were now staying close to each other like sardines in a tin. "Why is she holding a grudge?"

"I've always been her target, I guess," I shrugged, slumping against the bedhead.

"Not you, sis..." Faye nudged me. "Us. We have been her target."

Us?

"Right," Evelyn agreed. "When she posted that picture, she was aiming at the three of us. People hesitate to come over to our cafe, Ivy is facing an issue and... Faye... are you okay so far?"

The said girl chuckled. "What do you think? I've been keeping my personal life hidden and suddenly she did that. My colleagues bombard me with a lot of questions."

Honestly, I wanted to ask. What kind of questions did she receive that annoyed her? But, I didn't. Simply because I knew how she would never let us know anything if she didn't want to tell.

"I'm tired..." I said, melting my head on Evelyn's shoulder. "I don't know for how long will I relapse this time."

I was about to shut my eyes when a soft nudge from Faye was felt. Lazily, I looked at her, while Evelyn laid her head on top of mine.

"Have you told Kevin about it?" The question thrown somehow made me feel uneasy. "This is the crucial time when you need his support the most."

I wanted to tell him - I did, but a part of me refused to let him know. For, I would be seen as a nuisance. He must have a lot of things to care about other than my fragile heart. So, I decided to endure the pain and handle this thing on my own.

But, I didn't know how long could I survive. Hopefully, as long as I was still able to run and my simple wish was for nothing to go wrong along the way.

Whether I liked it or not, I had to fight alone, not relying too much on Kevin. Anyone could say that it wasn't wrong to keep clinging onto him because he existed to protect me. Nonetheless, I disagreed because not every night the star and the moon were together.