Her Fearless Ways

WAYS

Dumating ang panahon na bumalik na kami sa pag-aaral at ngayon ay nasa kolehiyo na.

Those were the moments that I doubted my decision to pursue law. It was even harder than I've expected. Halos mawalan ako ng oras para kay Alfreda. Laging gabi na lang kami nagkakasama kaya minabuti kong bumawi kapag nagkikita kami.

It was during my long test when my phone rang. Nabulabog ang buong klase niyon ngunit walang alinlangan ko iyong sinagot nang makita ang pangalan ng babaeng pinakamamahal ko sa screen.

"Hello, mahal? What happened?" I asked.

"M-mahal... p-pwedeng pakibilisan? N-natatakot a-ako..." nanginginig ang boses niya.

I ended the call immediately. Hindi kaagad ako nakaalis dahil kailangan kong tapusin ang test. It took me almost thirty minutes before I was able to go to her. Kaya ganoon na lang ang pagtahip ng kaba sa dibdib ko nang makita ang naiiyak niyang mukha.

Kaagad niya akong niyakap kaya minabuti kong alalayan siya papunta sa kotse para malaman ang nangyari. She told me everything about her father's loan. She was overthinking about death and all kaya kaagad ko siyang pinatahan.

"Wala silang pwedeng gawin sa 'yo, okay? G-gagawan natin ng paraan," I reassured her.

I ended up paying for that loan using my emergency fund. Alam kong malalaman at malalaman iyon ni Dad, but as long as walang problemang darating, matatagalan bago niya mapansin iyon. It turned out, I was wrong. It was even worse. Dahil pati ang pagliban ni Alfred sa klase ay nakarating na sa kanya.

He was speaking ill of her. Telling her shits about her life and how she ruined mine. Hindi ko man maintindihan kung bakit tinago ni Red iyon sa 'kin ay mas pinili kong huwag magpadala sa nangyari.

Kilala ko si Alfreda. Ayaw na ayaw niyang may nakakkita sa kanyang umiiyak. And seeing her defend herself from my Dad, telling him that she loves me and is not taking advantage of the life she's having because of me, I know how much hurt she was for letting those tears fall.

I hated seeing her doubt her worth. Hindi ko kayang nakikita siyang tinitimbang ang sarili kaysa sa akin. Hindi niya iyon kailangang gawin dahil kahit hindi niya hingiin, ibibigay ko pa rin sa kanya ng buo ang pagmamahal ko.

"My future is our future too. My future is about the two of us. You and me. Without you in it, then it's not my future at all. Ipipilit ko... ipipilit kong nandoon ka."

I was trying my best to keep up with all of my promises to her. Kahit pa ramdam ko na hindi pa rin maayos ang lagay niya, hindi ko pinaramdam sa kanyang marami pang hindi maayos sa mga buhay namin. Marami pa kaming pagdadaanan sa relasyon na ito, kaya dapat lang na mas matatag ang isa sa amin. At dapat ako 'yon.

"We should get a test—"

"Huwag! Huwag muna... kinakabahan ako," pagpigil niya sa akin.

Hindi siya kumakain ng maanghang. Nababahuan din siya sa amoy ko. Napapalakas ang kain niya at madalas ay emosyonal. And now, she threw up everything she just ate. She was obviously showing signs of pregnancy.

"It's better for us to know sooner para makapaghanda tayo. Also for us to be cautious of your health," I replied.

Namuo ang luha sa mga mata niya. "Alam ko... p-pero kasi paano kung p-positive?"

"Then we'll give her the happiest life she deserves. We'd be the coolest parents there is, mahal."

Ako ang bumili ng tatlong pregnancy kits para sa kanya. When I asked her if she wants to eat something, she asked for a bulalo na walang buto! That's when I realized that the test wasn't needed. I got excited that I blurted out nonsense things that made her feel... bad.