The Original Ducksekeeter

Chapter 2: Donald's Secret

It had been a week since the Masquerade Ball, and a lot of shit had gone down. The next morning after the ball, a letter arrived in Donald and Daisy's mailbox from Mickey, the letter read:

"Dear Donald and Daisy,
Minnie and I are severely angry and saddened by you for what you did to us at the ball, which was supposed to be about Minnie's dead mom but instead you just had to go and make it all about you! I don't think Minnie will ever feel happy again. We have also decided that after Minnie recovers from her horrific burns we will be suing you two because of what you did. I know we'll win so fuck you two. Me and my princess will see your drunk cunts in court and later behind bars (Mickey seems to not know how a lawsuit works)!
       Fuck yourselves, Mickey and Minnie"

Daisy immediately ripped the letter into pieces and threw it into the fire.
"We can't lose this case, we'll be broke!" Daisy screamed.
"We could just move and never come back!" Donald suggested.
"I'm not playing Anne Frank for the rest of my life Donald, I think we should just carry out our plans," Daisy smiled at the last part of her sentence.
"Listen it was nice to think about murdering Mickey and Minnie last night, but we have to be realistic now," said Donald.
Daisy gave Donald a glare and whispered, "Fine."
Donald and Daisy were also bombarded with paparazzi, which Daisy liked at first as she had never caused this much attention before.
"Sup cunts," Daisy would say, posing every time they took a picture. Her favorite pose was sticking out her tongue and giving the finger.
However after a couple of days even Daisy grew tired of them. One time she even bit someone who was asking for her to give an interview for a magazine, which did not help her image.
The day of the trial was going to be exactly one month after the ball, Minnie tried to turn it into a thing by saying it was all in honor of her dead mom, who's reputation (that never really existed because she's dead) was all ruined. Mickey and Minnie also put a restraining order on Donald and Daisy, saying that they had to be 20 feet away from them at all times. Donald and Daisy weren't necessarily angry at this however, and enjoyed that Mickey and Minnie seemed to be getting what they deserved. However then they realized that everyone was much more on Mickey and Minnie's side than theirs.
"We'll have to look good during the trial, you do realize that Mickey and Minnie are going to try and look like angels while we're there, to make us look bad," Donald said, planning out what to do.
"But let's also be passive aggressive so that we get them angry and cause them to look bad before we do," Daisy kept thinking.
"What if we actually win the trial?" Donald asked happily.
"Even if we don't it won't matter," Daisy said with a grin.
"Why?" Donald asked, now concerned.
"I still think we should carry out our plan," Daisy said, walking over to the kitchen.
"I do keep thinking we should, but it would be difficult."
Daisy pulled out a knife and began sharpening it.
"I don't care if it's difficult, I need to go through with it, Donald I have been having this dream where I am just stabbing Mickey and Minnie and opening their stomachs and ripping out their insides and eating them!"
"I think it's sharp enough!" Donald pulled the knife away from Daisy.
"It will be sharp enough when it is sticking up Mickey and Minnie's asses," Daisy said stabbing the knife in the air, "listen I am not paying them a penny and desperate times call for desperate measures!"
"If we are actually going to murder them then we really have to come up with a good idea," Donald explained.
Daisy grabbed a piece of paper and drew a picture of Mickey and Minnie, "here's my plan," Daisy began. She drew a picture of her and Donald waiting outside Mickey and Minnie's house. Daisy then drew a picture of her and Donald ringing the doorbell and when Mickey and Minnie answered Donald and Daisy would immediately shoot them. Then Daisy drew a picture of her and Donald putting Mickey and Minnie in an oven and burning them. Then Daisy drew a picture of her and Donald eating Mickey and Minnie for dinner and then throwing up the remains of the mice and feeding it to homeless people.
"That's a great idea, but I'm not eating either of them!" Donald said.
"We could invite Armie Hammer, that would be a good idea," smiled Daisy.
"I guess," Donald shrugged.
"Well what would you do," Daisy asked aggressively, "because if it is somehow better than mine then I'll surely do it!"
Donald grabbed another piece of paper and began drawing a picture of Minnie and Mickey sitting at a dinner table.
"We'll invite them to dinner, pretending like we are sorry for what we did to them at the ball, and then when they eat a bunch of food and get fat," Donald drew a picture of obese Mickey and Minnie (so not too different), "we will knock them out, tie them up, grab a cheese grinder, and just scrape the fuck out of their skin!"
"What is this a Hansel and Gretel version of the Red Wedding?!" Daisy screamed.
"It's a great idea!" Donald yelled.
"It sucks, my idea is better!"
"You want to eat them, you fucking cannibal!"
"Okay well Buffalo Bill how is scraping their damn skin off any better?!"
"I want to torture them, I don't want them to a have a quick death!"
"I never said it would be quick, I want them to suffer just as much as you do," Daisy put her hands on her hips in a fashionable fashion.
"How could they even fit in our oven, it's small because we're poor!"
"Fine, we could tie them to the ceiling and light their house on fire!"
"I do like that," Donald said sexually.
"You do?" Daisy said even sexier if that is even possible.
Donald and Daisy ran upstairs and banged the shit out of each other after that.
The next morning Donald was at a café getting him and Daisy coffee, when Goofy came in.
"No smoking!" The barista called out.
Goofy spit his dope onto the floor and walked in.
"Hey Donald!" Goofy screamed.
"Why are you talking so loud?" Donald asked.
"Suck my dick Donald, oh and also Mickey is telling everyone you tried to rape Minnie," Goofy smiled.
"THAT FUCKER, LIKE I WOULD EVER WANT TO BE FUCK THAT UGLY ASS WHORE!" Donald yelled.
"Excuse me sir but if you talk like that I'm going to ask you to leave," said the barista all passive aggressive like.
People in the café began looking around and noticed Donald and began to yell at him about stupid things like whether or not he was banging Minnie or if he tried to kill Mickey and Minnie at the ball.
"Just ignore them, pot will help!" Goofy said getting an erection after staring at the barista for too long.
"Goofy stop looking at her, you are hard!"
"Am not!"
"It's okay anyway, I'm calm enough," Donald said happily.
Suddenly this little girl walked up and said, "is it true you are cheating on Daisy?"
"FUCK OFF!" Donald screamed viciously.
Donald picked up the little girl and threw her very rudely at the barista, hitting her in her delicious face and breaking her sexy ass nose.
"I'll save you," Goofy ran up to the barista, pushed the little girl onto the floor to get out of the barista's way, and began giving the barista mouth to mouth.
"Bitch get off!" The barista punched Goofy in the face and called the cops.
Donald and Goofy were sitting in the jail cell waiting for Daisy to bail them out. Goofy got a restraining order for the barista and she had to sign and he began masturbating to the signature.
"This sucks and it's not even my fault," Donald said, pissed off like.
Goofy tried to put his hand on Donald's shoulder but Donald ended up slapping it away because it was covered in semen and also gay.
"I wish Mickey and Minnie were the ones sitting in this cell, not us, I hate them so much!"
"Doesn't your trial start soon?" Goofy asked.
"Thanks for reminding me fucker!"
"Well maybe they'll lose," Goofy said happily.
"They aren't going to lose, everyone loves them for some damn reason!"
"Well I could be your lawyer," Goofy said nicely.
"Shut up Goofy!"
"Well damn you better think of something to do Donald."
"Well I am thinking of doing a few things," Donald mumbled, not sure if he should tell Goofy about his and Daisy's plans, "never mind."
"Child you can't just say something like that and then not finish the sentence, spill the tea!"
"What are you, a thirteen year old girl?"
"Don't change the subject, what were you thinking of doing?"
"Okay well you have to promise me that you won't tell anybody, except for maybe Daisy."
"What about Clarabelle?"
"Especially not Clarabelle, that girl gets so high she'll blab about anything!"
"Well I get just as high as her!"
"That's true," Donald began thinking, "you know maybe I shouldn't tell you!"
"NO, I HAVE TO KNOW YOUR SECRET!" Goofy screamed, now everyone in the jail began to look at them.
"I mean what secret," Goofy whispered.
"Okay so me and Daisy were thinking about whether or not we should..."
"What?"
"You know, with Mickey and Minnie."
"WHAT!"
"You know, get rid of them like kinda.."
"Donald what are you saying?"
"Do I seriously have to say it out loud?"
"Say what," Goofy injected heroin which he snuck in really deep up his ass into his veins.
"Me and Daisy..."
"DAISY AND I!"
"Daisy and I," Donald whispered very quietly.
"SPEAK UP, I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU!"
"We are going to kill Mickey and Minnie!" Donald mumbled into Goofy's ear.
"KILL MICKEY AND MINNIE!" Goofy screamed.
"Be quiet!" Donald spit out.
"Oh my god I have to tell Clarabelle!" Goofy screamed.
"Goofy you fucking promised," Donald screamed.
"But I didn't realize it would be this juicy, I've got to send this to my rehab's group chat!"
"Goofy if you do that I'll fucking gut you!"
"You wanna bet, you cock sucking whore!"
Donald tackled Goofy to the ground until cops came over and separated them.
Donald began to get nervous that Goofy would tell everyone about what he told him.
Daisy picked Donald up a few hours later,
"I bet that Shirley Temple wannabe cunt deserved it!" Daisy said to the cops when they told her what Donald did.
As he and Daisy were driving him from jail, Donald was contemplating on whether or not he should tell Daisy that he told Goofy about their idea to kill Mickey and Minnie. However he realized that if he did, Daisy would peel him like a banana.
"Well my day has been great, I've got new heels, no one was staring at me, no one stopped me in the streets to ask why I fucked up Minnie's dead mom's ball, this girl at Hot Topic was staring at my ass, I mean I'm not into emo chicks but I do like to be noticed," Daisy went on.
"Why the fuck were you at Hot Topic?!"
"None of your business!"
"So nothing can ruin your day?" Donald began to want to tell her what he told Goofy.
"WELL DON'T FUCKING TRY TO RETARD!"
Donald shut his mouth.
Donald was downstairs watching the Real Housewives of Dubai when Daisy ran down.
"DONALD!" Daisy screamed viciously, Donald immediately worried that Daisy found out that he told Goofy about their plans.
"What?!"
"My new heels don't fit, I think my feet are getting too big, I want you to grab a hammer and break them, then I could cut my foot open and take some of the bone out and my foot will be smaller, I bet that would work!"
"Just shove them in!"
"I can't just shove them in you skank, and speaking of hammers I was thinking about how cool it would be if we broke Mickey and Minnie's necks with them, I mean that would really get them good!"
"Speaking of that..."
Suddenly the door slammed open and a bunch of bitches ran in.
"FBI!"
"Bitch!" Daisy screamed.
The FBI bitches jumped on Donald and Daisy.
"GET DOWN!"
"Stop yelling it doesn't make you sound cool, and we're already down you cow!" Daisy said, annoyed.
Donald and Daisy were shoved in a police car and taken back to the station again.
"Donald, you're back!" Called out the prostitute that Donald spanked on the way into his cell earlier that day.
"I'LL BITE YOU OPEN YOU FATASS SLUT!" Daisy screamed at the prostitute.
Donald and Daisy were put in a room for questioning. Donald stayed quiet but Daisy yelled like hell at the police.
"Listen bitch, I've done a lot of shit in my time so you're finna have to be more specific!"
"We have gotten word that you and Donald are planning to murder Mickey and Minnie," the policeman said.
"Lies," Daisy said immediately, "all lies, I mean if they died it would be a miracle but neither me nor Donald would ever think of taking part in such a cruel action, wouldn't we Donald!"
Donald sat quietly.
"DONALD SAY SOMETHING!" Daisy screamed.
"It's actually from Donald that we heard this news," the policeman said.
"Cite your sources!" Daisy said, jumping onto the table.
"Well actually it was from Goofy and please sit down."
"Well was it from Donald or was it from Goofy?!"
"Well Goofy told me that Donald told him that you and Donald were planning on murdering Mickey and Minnie!"
"Lies, lies, lies, and why would you even believe them, Goofy is a living and breathing crack house who is probably a fucking compulsive liar!"
"Well we weren't one hundred percent sure, we were just being careful, but I think we can let you two go after we think this through a bit more," smiled the policeman, which was returned by Daisy's fakest smile ever.
After a couple of hours of questioning, Donald and Daisy were allowed to leave. They drove home silently, with Donald occasionally looking over at Daisy who looked like Brittany Murphy's agent staring at the movies on her resume following her marriage. After what felt to Donald like the longest car ride ever, Donald and Daisy finally got home. Once they walked into their house Daisy immediately hit Donald in the stomach with a crowbar as hard as she could.
"OW, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT THING?!"
"YOU TOLD GOOFY THAT YOU AND I WERE PLANNING ON MURDERING MICKEY AND MINNIE YOU FUCKING MOUNTAIN OF RETARDATION!"
"I think my ribs are broken," Donald mumbled.
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" Daisy was screaming so loud Minnie's dead mom could probably hear her all the way from the ninth circle of hell.
"It just slipped," Donald coughed out.
"BITCH HOW COULD YOU LET THAT JUST SLIP, NOW THE WHOLE THING IS FUCKED UP, IF WE KILL THEM AT THIS POINT EVERYONE WOULD KNOW WE WERE THE ONES WHO DID IT!"
"How is your voice still working?"
"BITCH!"
"Look Daisy I'm sorry, I know it was stupid..."
"STUPID?! STUPID?! NO STUPID IS WHEN YOU PAY ONLY WITH PENNIES, STUPID IS WHEN YOU ACTUALLY LIKE A JUSTIN BIEBER SONG, STUPID IS NOT WHEN YOU FUCKING TELL A CRACKHEAD THAT YOU ARE PLANNING ON MURDERING THE TWO MOST FAMOUS CREATURES IN THE WORLD THAT WE ARE CURRENTLY IN A GODDAMN FUCKING LAWSUIT WITH!"
Daisy fell to the ground and began sobbing.
"You have fucked it all up!" Daisy sobbed.
"They let us go so they must not think we did it!" Donald tried to argue.
"It doesn't matter, Mickey and Minnie are now going to be on to us and they're going to use it as a retard excuse to get us in trouble!"
"Look, maybe nobody will find out, cops usually keep this stuff confidential," Donald suggested.
"Well Goofy won't!"
"Well maybe they'll tell Goofy not to bring it up."
"When has Goofy ever listened to what someone has told him to do!?"
"I'M TRYING TO FIND A FUCKING SILVER LINING HERE!"
The hope that the news wouldn't get out seemed nice for a good thirty seconds before Donald put on the TV to see that him and Daisy's plans to murder Mickey and Minnie were all over the news.
"Your silver linings didn't work J.Law!"
As the days towards the trial approached, the rumors that Donald and Daisy were going to kill Mickey and Minnie grew larger. Every time either of the ducks went outside people would come up to them and ask about it. Some people were all pissed about it because they loved Mickey and Minnie. However some hated Mickey and Minnie and were excited that the ducks were going to kill them. Some would even ask them how they were going to do it and were giving their own suggestions, one was from this girl who told said that she wanted them to kill Mickey and Minnie by locking them in a freezer and once they are frozen they get put in an oven and melt and then are spilt into the ocean.
"THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A FUCKING GOOD IDEA BUT WE CAN'T DO IT NOW!" Daisy screamed at Donald.
Mickey and Minnie also would go on the news and talk about how they were very scared about getting murdered. They said they had to lock their doors at night and would be sleeping deep in the basement in a safe room that was armed with guns, even though Minnie would also always talk about how guns were bad or whatever.
Donald and Daisy eventually realized that they were going to need to get lawyers for the lawsuit. The two of them got on their phones and looked down a list of lawyers nearby, but couldn't seem to find any. Any of the lawyers that looked good to them did not want to be part of this case which made it very shitty to go and find one. Eventually Donald and Daisy got to the bottom of the list and finally found the one lawyer who was willing to take the case, Eeyore (the Suicidal Whore as Daisy liked to call him). Eeyore the Suicidal Whore was the worst lawyer in the world. He didn't know jack shit about the case, didn't really care about Donald and Daisy, and only seemed to think about slitting his wrists.
"I can't take him, he is going to make us lose this damn case!" Daisy screamed.
"He's the best we've got!" Donald tried to remind her.
"I doubt that severally Donald, we'd be better with no lawyer!"
"Well maybe the jury will feel sympathy for us since we have Elliott Smith helping us!"
The night before the trial Donald and Daisy were doing heroin to take their minds off of the incredibly fun day they had ahead of them.
"Maybe we should kill ourselves," Daisy suggested.
"We could make it look like Mickey and Minnie did it!" Donald screamed with pleasure.
"How?"
"Well we could kill one of us and then put the body in Mickey and Minnie's room!"
"Which one is dying!" Daisy screamed angrily.
"Probably you!"
"PROBABLY ME, bitch you're the one who came up with this idea!"
"But you came up with the idea to kill Mickey and Minnie!"
"Bitch I ain't dying!"
"Well maybe we could fake it and just pretend Mickey and Minnie did it!"
"That wouldn't work, let's just face it we are fucked Donald!"
"Speaking of fucked," Donald grinned.
Donald and Daisy began banging each other after that, however stopped after they realized that Eeyore the Suicidal Whore was staring at them in the corner.
"My god!" Daisy gasped.
"Oops, sorry, you can carry on, I didn't mean to interrupt and ruin everything, also can I join in that suicide plan you were talking about earlier," Eeyore the Suicidal Whore said glumly.
"I told you not to give him a key!" Daisy whispered to Donald.
The next morning Donald and Daisy drove down to the stupid ass trial. Just to spite Mickey and Minnie, Donald and Daisy decided to wear the exact outfits that they wore to the ball, including the masks. Paparazzi were all over the car and many were getting run over because they were in the way. Donald and Daisy arrived at the courthouse and were walked in by guards. Paparazzi also were chasing the two of them down. Some were cheering them on but some were Mickey and Minnie fans and were yelling at them. Some girl even threw a cup of hot coffee at Daisy's head (Daisy then proceeded to personally rip out the girl's tonsils) while they were walking in. Once they were in the courthouse, the ducks were seated in the front with Eeyore the Suicidal Whore. Mickey and Minnie walked in at the same time, Minnie's face was covered with tissue paper to cover her "burns".
"I love your face Minnie, do you like our outfits?" Daisy called out sweetly.
"I wish my face was burnt," Eeyore the Suicidal Whore said hopefully.
Suddenly everyone in the room got hard because Elastigirl walked into the room.
"What is she doing here?!" Daisy moaned.
"She's our lawyer!" Mickey called out.
"Wow I want her to strangle me," Eeyore the Suicidal Whore said all excited.
"This is great," Donald said sarcastically.
"I know I can't stop looking at her, she's so thick!" Daisy moaned once more.
Suddenly the door slammed open and the judge walked in and it was Judge Ariel.
"Oh shit, she is a brat!" Daisy squealed.
"Be quiet, she'll tell us we can't sing with her," Donald whispered over.
Judge Ariel suddenly began singing "AAAAAHHHH AH AH AAAAAAAHHHH AH AH!" to try and get everyone's attention like the pick me she is.
"Alright now that you're all listening, let's get started with this trial," Judge Ariel began.
After a while Minnie was called up to the stand, she was going before everyone else because she is the queen or something.
"I REALLY DO PROMISE TO TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!" Minnie screamed to the whole courtroom.
"That's sweet but you don't really have to tell that to everyone," smiled Judge Ariel.
"Sorry your honor, I was just talking to God and my dead mom, I wanted to make sure they could hear me, after all we are all here because of what happened at the ball and the ball was for them, I want them to know I still love them," Minnie explained.
"Just get up to the stand," Judge Ariel said, trying to remain calm.
Minnie walked up to the stand, stomping on the floor with her gross ass pink platforms in the process.
"Tell the jury why it is that you and your husband are suing Donald and Daisy," said Judge Ariel.
"Well Donald and Daisy essentially performed a terrorist attack at my ball, they are responsible for the fight that broke out and the deaths of many people, also my face is horrifically burnt because of them!"
"Speaking of which, how about you show us your face!" Daisy screamed standing up.
"I don't want to Daisy, it might," Minnie brought out the fake crying she did at the ball, "it might scare people, including children."
The jury all began to say "aww" like the retards they are.
"No, no awws, this bitch is faking it!" Daisy screamed.
"Daisy you are not to speak out of turn!" Judge Ariel cried out.
"Oh sorry your honor," Daisy spat..
"As I was saying, me and Mickey are furious about the treatment we were given by Donald and Daisy and we will certainly not let that go unpunished!"
"Now Minnie, Donald and Daisy have stated that you two have been cruel in the past and that you have not treated them or anyone very nicely," said Judge Ariel.
"Well I am certain that I am much nicer than those ducks over there who tried to kill us at the party and are apparently also trying to kill us now again too!"
"LIES!" Donald and Daisy screamed in unison, jumping out of their seats.
"Sit down!" Cried Judge Ariel.
"Your honor, I would like permission to talk," Donald smiled.
"Fine but make it fast!"
"Minnie, I don't think that you should take those allegations so seriously, I mean after all they are from Goofy, who is a pothead," said Donald.
"Well they seemed pretty realistic for me," Minnie smiled.
"Well it isn't true, me and Daisy wouldn't want to kill anyone, not even cunts like you!"
"Don't call my princess a cunt!" Mickey said, jumping up.
"YOUR PRINCESS IS A CUNT YOU SHIT FACED BITCH!" Daisy screamed jumping up as well.
"I can't believe you two, you didn't back down at the ball and you aren't backing down now, I think you need to read to room!" Minnie said, trying to sound friendly.
"MINNIE I WOULD MURDER YOU IF I HAD TO CHANCE!" Daisy screamed.
"OH REALLY!?"
"YOU KNOW IT WHORE!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"FUCK YOU!!!"
"EVERYONE LOOK AT MY ASS!" Screamed Elastigirl.
"ORDER IN THIS COURT!" Judge Ariel called out, slamming her hammer thing on her desk.
Mickey sat down and quickly tried to compose himself. Meanwhile Donald and Daisy made out before they sat down in order to help compose themselves.
"Listen," Minnie began again, "it is very uncomfortable to know that someone is out to get you, I just want Donald and Daisy to not get away with their evil acts anymore, not just for me and Mickey, but for others as well, in fact I'm sure Donald and Daisy have threatened to murder other people as well, it wouldn't surprise me one bit."
Daisy began to squeeze Donald's hand tightly.
"Well I think that will be all, you may sit down Minnie," smiled Judge Ariel.
The next few hours were slow as tar. It involved the mice and ducks occasionally yelling at each other, Judge Ariel screaming at them to bring order to the court, Elastigirl trying to distract the jury with her giant ass, and Eeyore the Suicidal Whore having sweet day dreams of cutting himself. But finally the court session was over for the day, and Donald and Daisy couldn't get out fast enough. Before walking out of the building, Daisy walked into the bathroom and noticed that Minnie was standing right at the sink.
"Well isn't this a nice surprise!" Daisy said gleefully.
"Stand back, I don't feel safe with you!" Minnie cried.
"Save your drama queen action for the court slut, but just so you know even if you think you are gonna win I am not going down without a fight," Daisy said slamming on the sinks.
"It's adorable you think that because you know I'm just as dangerous as you are!"
"What will you do, tell God or your dead mom to possess me, oh I am scared mousie!"
"You know Daisy, it is no fucking wonder nobody likes you, I wish your fucking mother aborted you. In fact if I was your mom I would have killed myself just so I wouldn't have to live with the fact that I had a disappointment like you, you are nothing but a filthy, slutty, obese, worthless little bitch and don't you ever forget it!"
Before Daisy could strangle Minnie to the ground, Judge Ariel walked into the bathroom.
"This has been fun girls, I can't wait for the next session!" Judge Ariel said happily.
Daisy rolled her eyes and stormed out the room. She dashed into the car with Donald that was waiting out front for her. Donald immediately noticed that Daisy was fuming.
"Oh God what?!" He asked.
"Donald," she breathed out in anger, "I don't know how, I don't know when, but Mickey and Minnie are going to suffer until they never breathe again, at the hands of us!"