The Original Ducksekeeter

Chapter 34: Share This Day

Donald's grandma, Elvira Coot, is about to kick the bucket. She has had 70 strokes in the past two days, cannot move, can barely breathe or talk, and is essentially hanging on by a thread. The duck family was very sad about this. Okay well everyone outside of Donald. Elvira hated Donald and always has. The day he was born she threw him out the window of the hospital and it only went downhill from there. Donald hated Elvira too though and once he was old enough to walk he began hitting her in the head with bricks. And Donald was originally excited as fuck about the news.
"DONNA!"
"Sí sexy?"
"I GOT A LETTER FROM SCROOGE SAYING MY GRANDMA IS DYING!"
"Congratulations!" Donna has met the duck family including Elvira and also agrees that they fucking suck.
"Thank yo... OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!"
"What is it?"
"I'm reading the rest of the letter, bitch Scrooge wants the whole fucking family to get together this Christmas to see her before she croaks!"
"Donald I am not fucking going over there!"
"Neither I am, Scrooge is going to have to fucking deal!"
"So does that mean we can finally have Christmas in Mexico?"
"Ew I'm not going to that disgusting place!"
"Well okay!"
On Christmas Eve Donald and Donna were fucking outside in the snow while wearing very heavy coats. Just as they finished a giant bag picked the two of them up.
"AY DIOS MÍO, DONALD WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!"
"SOMEBODY IS FUCKING KIDNAPPING US AND I BET I KNOW WHO IT IS!"
When Donald and Donna were thrown out of the bag Donald's prediction was proven correct as they were at the doorway of McDuck Manor.
"This looks like a cottage compared to our home Donald!"
"I know it chica!"
"SHUT UP THIS HOUSE IS FUCKING AMAZING, I AM RICH!" Scrooge screamed, standing over the bag he just picked the two ducks up in.
"SCROOGE THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU, I MEAN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BRING US HERE!"
"THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU, YOUR FUCKING GRANDMOTHER IS ABOUT TO DIE AND YOU'RE FUCKING YOUR WIFE IN THE SNOW!"
"HIS WIFE HAS A NAME, IT IS DONNA DUCK YOU RACIST!" She said with a seductive pose.
"God you are hot, okay now come in!"
"NO!"
Scrooge pushed Donald and Donna into the door and locked it from the inside, all in a span of three seconds.
"THIS IS ILLEGAL!" Donna yelled.
"YOU'RE ILLEGAL!" Scrooge yelled back.
Donald and Donna reluctantly headed deeper into the mansion where the entire duck family was hanging out.
"God I fucking hate all of them!" Donald said, not even trying to be quiet.
"I don't want to meet any of them Donald!" Donna stated.
"It's okay baby I'll protect you!"
"Can you also protect me from them!" Donna pointed to the corner where Daffy and Daisy were standing.
"The fuck are you two doing here?!" Donald walked over and asked.
"What are you two doing here?!"
"Um my grandma is dying!"
"Please Donald you prefer Hitler to your grandma!"
"Okay fine, Scrooge kidnapped us!"
"He kidnapped us too!" Daffy smiled.
"Shut up Daffy no one was talking to you!" Donald and Daisy yelled.
"Scrooge why did you bring those two here, they aren't even part of the family!" Donald screamed.
"Well they are famous and the paparazzi is taking pictures over here!"
"They aren't as famous as us!" Donna mumbled.
"Sorry did you say something, your accent is really thick, I may have missed it?" Asked Daisy.
"I wasn't talking to you."
"Oh okay, hey my nieces are seeing this great speech therapist, maybe you could join them, they're used to seeing kids under the age of ten but I think we squeeze you in with how much people love you."
"Oh thanks, I'll keep that in mind."
"Okay now that we are all here I just want to say how lovely it is for the whole family to come together like this, it has simply been too long!" Scrooge said, trying to sound all smart like he was making a speech or some shit.
Donald and Daisy were both furious that they had been shoved together like this. It had been seven years since the two of them married off to their sexy and retarded, respectively, spouses and had tried their best to avoid each other. The studio was going to a worse place than it had been in for a while since the Disney Renaissance ended, conveniently ending right when the 2000s began. I'm just saying Tarzan and Dinosaur were both successful so I don't know where some of the Disney fans are coming from saying it ended in 1999. But anyway Disney still sucked with movies like Atlantis and Treasure Planet and had completely embarrassed themself this year with Roseanne as a cow. Because of this the studio had to rely on distributing Pixar movies, and the past November a new character emerged who let's just say had an incredible ass. Donald and Daisy didn't have to see each other much anymore nor did they have to do much work anymore. On New Year's Day of 1998 Donald made a joke about how Princess Diana should join NASCAR, which was too soon, and Daisy officially stopped hanging around him, which included the end of the vault fucking. One of the only projects made that the ducks had to work in at the time was House of Duck which was like House of Mouse but y'all know by now that Mickey and Minnie are not with us anymore. Daisy actually did not appear in House of Duck at all because she was so mad at Donald about the Princess Diana joke among other things and so Donna actually appeared in the show as her but still was credited as Daisy. This led to rumors that Donald and Daisy were back together because there were a lot of paparazzi photos of Donald and Donna making out on set. This then required Daisy to dress up like Donna for paparazzi photos which she loved doing because of all the attention it gave her, even though the accent she used to play her sounded almost Chinese for some reason. But Donald and Daisy did have to actually work together on one project because Donna got deported for a second there. This project was Donald and Daisy's Twice Upon A Christmas, a direct to video Christmas movie which they worked together on earlier in the year. Production on that movie was a living hell with Donald and Daisy fighting on set 24/7. Donald and Daisy also just hated the movie and felt like they were making it just for the sake of money, which really is the truth. However, Scrooge loved the movie because he was in it and since it would be hitting Walmart $5 dvd bins that month he bought a copy and would be playing it for the whole family that night. Which he announced just now.
"Tonight we will also be watching Donald and Daisy's Twice Upon a Christmas!" Scrooge announced.
"I'm not watching that!" Daisy yelled.
"Yes you are, you are the star of it, outside of me of course!"
"Scrooge you are not the fucking star, Donald and Daisy are literally in the title!"
"Well I'm not in the title of Donald and Daisy's Christmas Carol and I'm certainly the star of that, and by the way we are watching that tonight as well!"
"Is this the retarded Christmas movie you made while I was deported?"
"Yes sweetie, now let's make out in front of my ex!" Donald suggested.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO KISS DAFFY TO GET BACK AT YOU!"
However there was one thing Donald and Daisy both loved about the movie. There was a song at the end credits called Share This Day and they both forced the singer Josh Kelly to perform it to them every day on set because of how much they fucking loved it. It was a song about love and Christmas spirit and was so fucking beautiful. When they listened to it they pretty much forgot all of the troubles that they had, and they would gladly watch the movie again just to hear it at the end. But right then all they heard was this.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Elvira shrieked from her room in pain.
Donald and Daisy bursted out laughing.
"QUIT LAUGHING YOU TWO, SHE IS FUCKING DYING UP THERE!" Scrooge screamed.
"OH MOM I HOPE YOU ARE OKAY!" Hortense screamed upstairs.
"Mom she's dad's mom not yours!" Donald stated.
"She's more of a mother to me than you ever were Donald!"
"Okay what?!"
"Donald, I think your mom is having a stroke too!" Donna laughed.
"SHUT UP MEXICAN DAISY!"
"I CAN SEE JESUS!" Elvira screamed.
"HOLY SHIT EVERYONE THIS MIGHT BE IT!" Quackmire screamed.
"Let me get the camera!" Daisy smiled.
"That is not funny, who even invited her?" Asked Gus Goose.
"Nobody, that's why I want to fucking leave!"
"Guys keep in mind there is a Nativity Scene in there!" Hortense pointed out.
Scrooge, Hortense, and Quackmire (by the way Hortense and Quackmire are Donald's parents in case you forgot chapter four, and Scrooge is Donald's uncle in case you're stupid) ran up to Elvira's room where she was acting like the brat from the Exorcist, screaming and bouncing around.
"OH I CAN'T TAKE IT MOMMY DON'T DIE!" Quackmire yelled laying on top of Elvira and sobbing.
"THAT SHIP HAS FUCKING SAILED, GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME SO I CAN DIE IN PEACE!" Elvira spat.
"She isn't thinking straight, she needs to be with loved ones!" Scrooge stated.
"I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE ALONE!"
"NO YOU DON'T, YOU ARE COMING DOWNSTAIRS TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH THE FAMILY!"
"I FUCKING HATE YOU SCROOGE AND THIS WHOLE FAMILY AS WELL!"
"MEN GET UP HERE AND CARRY ELVIRA DOWNSTAIRS!"
"No thanks, I'm having a prosecco!" Donald smiled.
"DONALD GET YOUR ASS UP HERE OR I WILL SPANK YOU!" Hortense screamed.
"I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU BITCH!"
Hortense ran down and punched Donald across the face, after which he agreed to help his dumbass dying grandmother.
Donald and his stupid cousins Fethry, Whitewater, Gladstone, and Gus Goose ran up to help bring Elvira, who was actually strapped into her bed like the girl from the Exorcist, downstairs.
"EW I FUCKING HATE DONALD!" Elvira screamed.
"FUCK OFF CUNT I'LL THROW YOU DOWN THE STAIRS!"
"DONALD HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO YOUR DYING GRANDMOTHER, WE DID NOT RAISE YOU LIKE THIS!" Quackmire scolded.
"YOU DIDN'T RAISE ME AT ALL, YOU PUT ME UP FOR ADOPTION TWENTY TIMES!"
"WELL WE STILL HAD TO KEEP YOU BECAUSE NOBODY WANTED YOUR ASS!"
"He didn't get adopted because he's unlucky!" Gladstone laughed.
"HOW THE FUCK AM I UNLUCKY, I AM THE FUCKING MASCOT OF DISNEY YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Oh my this is all too intense!" Hortense started crying.
"DONALD YOU HAVE MADE YOUR MOTHER CRY!"
"That sucks!"
"CAN YOU FUCKERS JUST BRING ELVIRA DOWNSTAIRS SO SHE CAN BE WITH HER LOVED ONES!"
"I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH MY LOVED ONES!"
"YES YOU DO!" Scrooge screamed at the top of his lungs right up in Elvira's face.
Donald and his inbred cousins lifted up the bed and began walking it down the staircase. Donald was the one at the top of the staircase bringing it down forward, and at some point before they picked the bed up Daisy managed to sneak upstairs because she got behind Donald and flat tired him. Donald slipped and the bed went out of his hands and flew right down the staircase. Gladstone, who was carrying the bed from the end and going backwards, got hit directly with the bed and was sent backwards into a wall, crushing him to death.
"I knew he wasn't so lucky!" Daisy laughed.
The bed then fell directly down, causing Elvira to hit the ground and breaking every bone in her body.
"DONALD LOOK AT THE MESS YOU HAVE MADE, YOU HAVE KILLED YOUR OWN COUSIN AND HAVE SEVERALLY INJURED YOUR DYING GRANDMOTHER AND IT IS FUCKING CHRISTMAS EVE!" Quackmire yelled.
"IT WAS DAISY'S FAULT, SHE TRIPPED ME!"
"OH WHAT ARE YOU, SIX?!"
"CUNT YOU FUCKING DID IT!"
"DONALD I SWEAR YOU ARE SO FUCKING DELUSIONAL, THIS IS WHY I CHEATED ON YOU WITH MY SEXY HUSBAND DAFFY!" She said, licking Daffy's cheek and trying very hard not to gag.
"HOW IS THE SEX GOING, IS THE BLACK DILDO DOING IT FOR YOU?!"
"It has a massage button now, it vibrates her clit!" Daffy smiled.
"OH MY GOD CAN WE PLEASE JUST HAVE A NORMAL FUCKING LAST CHRISTMAS FOR GRANDMA?!" Scrooge asked.
"I JUST WANT TO DIE!" Elvira screamed.
"Me too, I'd rather be in Mexico and it is horrible there!"
"WHEN THE FUCK DID DAISY TURN COLUMBIAN?!" Elvira asked.
"I converted last week!" Daisy stated.
"OKAY NOW I HAVE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS WE ARE GOING TO DO!" Scrooge stated.
"Scrooge I am not doing anything unless it involves leaving!" Daisy stated.
"Daisy quit being such a cunt all the time!" Donald said.
"DONALD I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"
"AAAAAHHHHHH DON'T HIT ME!" Donald ran back.
"OH SHUT UP, AND YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HIT FIRST IN CASE YOU FORGOT!"
"HOW COULD I FORGET, IT WAS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!"
"I AM SPEAKING!" Scrooge hollered, "now first we are going to open some early Christmas presents, then we are going on a Christmas parade around ToonTown to show off Elvira one last time, then we are going ice skating, then we are going home to eat Christmas dinner, then we are going to watch the movie,"
"I CANNOT WAIT FOR SHARE THIS DAY!" Daisy screamed happily.
"OH MY GOD ME TOO IT IS MY FAVORITE SONG!" Donald jumped up and down and hugged Daisy.
"OH MY GOD YOU TWO ARE FUCKING BIPOLAR, ANYWAY AFTER THAT WE ARE GOING TO MIDNIGHT MASS TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF CHRIST BEFORE ELVIRA MEETS HIM!"
"Jesus lives in Hell?" Asked Donald.
"Scrooge, this whole family will burst into flames if we walk into church!" Daisy stated.
"Not me, Jesus and I are tight!" Donna said.
"Jesus is the name of her drug dealer!" Daisy whispered.
"Jesús never sold me drugs, only his cock, and I am talking about my lord and savior Jesus!"
"WELL YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR DOESN'T LIKE HOES LIKE YOU!"
"I WILL RIP YOU TO FUCKING PIECES!"
"WELL COME AT ME PUTA!"
"She looked that one up in a translation book the day Donald announced his engagement to her!" Daffy giggled.
Daisy and Donna began to have a fight before Scrooge shoved both of them away from each other.
"YOU TWO ARE NOT RUINING CHRISTMAS, NOW LET'S OPEN PRESENTS!"
Huey, Dewey, and Louie, and April, May, and June each got a million presents each for their spoiled asses.
"I thought they were only opening a few!" Donald mentioned.
"They get twice as many tomorrow!" Scrooge stated.
All the ducks got a few presents though. Ludwig got lab equipment, Gus Goose got ice cream because he is fat, Whitewater got a hat, Gladstone got money but Daisy took it because he died, Fethry got marihuana and a razor to shave his eyebrows, I just saw a picture of him in the Ducktales reboot and why did they make him look like that, his eyebrows are so thick and ugly in that show, Donald got a new car, Daffy didn't get anything, Daisy got some sandals, and Donna got fucking name brand outfits and Victoria's Secret Underwear.
"Only the best for my niece!" Scrooge smiled.
"Oh thank you Uncle Scrooge!" She hopped into his arms.
"Aww, you're welcome sweetheart!"
"SCROOGE IS THIS SOME KIND OF FUCKING JOKE, WHY DO I HAVE FUCKING SANDALS AND THAT IS IT?!"
"Those are fancy sandals!" Scrooge said while rubbing Donna's ass.
"They are fucking Crocs sandals!"
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were too good for Crocs, maybe you shouldn't have cheated on my fucking nephew and I would have given you a real gift!"
"Daisy has the gift of me!" Daffy yelled.
"Daffy get away from me I am so fucking done with everything!"
"NO YOU ARE NOT, NOBODY IS DONE..."
"I AM DONE!" Elvira yelled.
"WE ARE GOING ON A PARADE!" Scrooge screamed.
The ducks went outside and saw that there were several Christmas themed floats with themes including Santa, and Reindeers, and Snow, it was all very festive. There were also giant ass Macy's Thanksgiving Day looking balloons of Elvira's ugly ass. Scrooge also put wheels at the end of Elvira's bed so she would be a float.
Daisy and Daffy got on a float with Huey, Dewey, and Louie and openly talked about how much they hated their uncle.
"You two are mean to Uncle Donald!" Huey stated.
"Well your Uncle Donald fucking sucks!" Daisy screamed, before drinking EggNog that was 90% liquor.
"Do you love Daffy more?" Asked Dewey.
"I FUCKING HATE DAFFY!"
"But you're married to him!" Louie stated.
"Well let me tell you something boys, sometimes you don't love who you marry and you just have to deal!" She whispered into her ears.
"What did you say?" Asked Daffy.
"NOTHING MY LOVE!"
"Daisy mistletoe!"
"Oh yeah, let's make out!"
Donald and Donna looked over from the float ahead, where they were smoking pot with Fethry and Ludwig.
"Those two are only good for getting attention, I mean I cannot believe they are fucking making out while we are on a goddamn parade, there are fucking people watching!" Donald screamed.
"Those people are currently watching us smoke weed!" Ludwig stated.
"Okay well whatever, drugs are more appropriate than those two's sexual tendencies!"
"CAN YOU FUCKERS WAVE OR SOME SHIT, THIS IS A PARADE FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Scrooge screamed from Elvira's bed where he was dancing on top of her.
"THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Elvira screamed as people from ToonTown who didn't even fucking know where we're running up to her screaming and crying about how sad they were about her death. The parade went all the way to a forest.
"Okay everyone I have a surprise, we are going ice skating!"
"Scrooge that is so great but you actually already told us that!" Daisy stated.
"Okay well I didn't tell you something, there is a catch, now follow me into the woods!"
"The last time I followed someone into the woods they got raped!" Donna stated.
"Well Donald does have anger problems!" Daisy smiled.
"Donald, how could you!" Hortense screamed.
"DAISY SHUT UP, MOM I DID NOT RAPE ANYONE!" Donald screamed.
"YES YOU DID, YOU RAPED ME WHEN I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU, DELLA HURT WAY LESS!"
"THAT DOES NOT MEAN I RAPED YOU!"
"OKAY FOLLOW ME!" Scrooge screamed.
The duck family followed Scrooge into the woods and walked for about a mile in the ice cold snow.
"SCROOGE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD WHERE IS THE ICE SKATING?!" Donald bitched.
"WE'RE ALMOST THERE!"
Suddenly as they continued walking the trees became giant candy canes.
"IT IS A CANDY CANE FOREST, I MADE IT MYSELF!"
All of the ducks were impressed, except for Donald and Daisy of course who were pissed because they had to walk a mile in the fucking snow. The giant frozen lake for ice skating also soon appeared and everyone hopped onto it. Despite the fact that there is no snow in Mexico Donna was a fucking natural and could skate better than Tonya Harding, complete with the Triple Axel.
"She isn't even that pretty!" Daisy yelled when her and Daffy were getting up after slipping.
"I think you're jealous!" Donald laughed.
"I think you're fat!" Daffy yelled, "BURR IT IS COLD!"
"Then put clothes on, you're fucking naked!"
"You like me naked though!"
"No I don't!"
"Well now I need a minute!"
Daffy left the ice to cry while Donald skated up to Daisy.
"Your man is gone, my girl is off being a skating pro, wanna skate together for old time's sake!"
"Donald, I have never went ice skating with you!"
"Okay well do you want to?!"
"Just get away from me, I am too pissed to even talk!"
"God, you are difficult!"
Daisy got off the ice to drink more of her eggnog while Scrooge pushed Elvira onto the ice. For a second her bed glided around the ice as all of the ducks cheered her on.
"LOOK SHE IS SKATING!" Scrooge yelled.
"SHUT UP SCROOGE, IT FEELS LIKE FUCKING ANTARCTICA OUT HERE, JUST LET ME DIE WARM IN MY BED!"
"NO YOU ARE SPENDING YOUR LAST DAYS OUT HERE!"
"Scrooge shut up, you are so damn loud!" Daisy yelled.
Everyone kept cheering Elvira on happily, until suddenly a large crack appeared across the ice.
"HOLY SHIT THE ICE IS BREAKING!" Hortense screamed.
"SAVE MY MOM!" Quackmire screamed.
"SHE IS LITERALLY GOING TO DIE EITHER WAY, WHO THE FUCK CARES?!" Daisy rolled her eyes.
"SHE IS NOT DYING IN A COLD ASS LAKE!" Scrooge yelled.
The duck family, including Donald and Daisy because they were feeling the Christmas Spirit/ didn't give a fuck, ran onto the lake and saved Elvira from falling in. Thankfully the ice was still very thick and didn't actually crack apart, but it was still too risky to get on it and continue skating. But the ducks were already pretty much on schedule to go ahead to Christmas Dinner so they all got on Elvira's bed and rolled back to the mansion. The ducks all came in and cozied up in the warm dining room, with the Nutcracker on in the background, in front of a beautiful Christmas tree, it was all so peaceful. Until talking became involved.
"Should we say grace?" Asked Donna.
"I'll say it for us!" Daisy smiled.
"That's hilarious!" Donald laughed.
"I just want to say how grateful I am that we are all here together on this beautiful Christmas Eve, and that Elvira gets to spend her final moments with her favorite ducks, like me," Elvira glared viciously at Daisy who grinned evilly back at her, "and I am so happy that Daffy is in my life, he is so amazing, way better than Donald, but I am happy that Donald found himself such a beautiful, beautiful, just beautiful woman who is just so perfect, oh and Jesus happy birthday!"
"That was not a very good prayer!" Donna stated.
"Oh well if Donna didn't like it then it must not be good enough!"
"Let's just eat!" Scrooge smiled.
The ducks all sat down and began eating the dinner which included Chicken, Turkey, Ham, Duck, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, stuffing, gingerbread cookies, Yule log, salads, Hot Chocolate, Eggnog, casseroles, roles, and Little Debbies Christmas Tree Cakes.
"Oh this is all so good!" Donna smiled.
"Which room is she staying in tonight?" Asked Daisy.
"Oh I don't know, it's up to her and Donald!" Scrooge responded.
"Just making sure there is a bathroom nearby for her!"
"Why?!"
"Well I assume you're gonna be throwing all this up later!"
"What do you know about bulimia, you're fat as fuck!"
"I LOVE THESE NAPKINS," Daffy interrupted to change the subject, "I LOVE HOW THE ONE I HAVE IS GREEN AND HOW THE ONE DAISY HAS IS RED AND HOW THE ONE DONALD HAS IS GREEN AND HOW THE ONE DONNA HAS IS RED AND HOW THE ONE FETHRY HAS IS GREEN..."
"Of course the one Donna has isn't green!" Daisy laughed.
Donna grabbed Daisy by the legs and slammed her against the table, causing all the food to fall off.
"YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING!" Scrooge screamed.
Daisy tried to fight back but she was no match for the Latina blood. Donna went on top of Daisy and punched and kicked all over here. She finished her off by head butting her and striking her throat with her shoe causing her to choke. She then threw Daisy back onto her chair, gathered all the food up on the tablecloth, and placed it all back where it was.
"God you are hot!" Donald moaned.
"I agree," agreed Daffy.
"That was pretty sexy!" Daisy coughed.
"Gracias!" Donna said with a sexy pose.
"De nada!" Ludwig yelled.
"Can she take us to school?" Huey, Dewey, and Louie asked.
"I am so confused why are there two Daisys and why is one way hotter!" Elvira asked.
"Because I am Donna Duck!"
"Donna Duck, you are a whore!"
"Grandma, how dare you speak to my wife like that!" Donald screamed.
"Donald, I can speak however I want!"
"Can you just do everyone here a favor and just fucking die!"
"Donald, do not talk to grandma like that!" Hortense yelled.
"Grandma threw me out the hospital window the day I was born!"
"Because I knew you would be a disappointment and I was right!"
"Bitch I am Donald fucking Duck, I am fucking iconic, what have you done in your life!"
"WAIT I AM STILL MAD AT DONNA, WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT ELVIRA, IN A FEW HOURS SHE WON'T BE RELEVANT!" Daisy screamed.
"I CAN TELL, YOUR JEALOUSY IS A LITTLE NOTICEABLE!" Donna laughed.
"OH SHUT UP!"
"DAISY DO NOT GET ALL MAD!" Daffy joined in.
"DAFFY HUSH!"
"ELVIRA IS A CUNT!"
"DONALD YOUR WIFE IS A CUNT!"
"MY EX WIFE IS A CUNT AND YOUR HUSBAND IS RETARDED!"
"DONALD I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!"
"DAFFY WHAT IN OUR PAST HAS GIVEN YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT WE WERE EVER FRIENDS!"
"I JUST WANT TO DIE!"
"THEN FUCKING DO IT BITCH, WE ARE WAITING!"
"DONALD THAT IS SO RUDE!"
"DAD SHUT UP YOUR MOM IS RUDE, IT IS RUDE THAT SHE IS STILL BREATHING!"
"IT IS CHRISTMAS GODDAMNIT, LET'S TALK ABOUT CHRISTMAS!" Scrooge screamed.
"I love Christmas, it is the most magical time of the year!" Ludwig laughed.
"I love Easter, bunnies are so fluffy!" Gus Goose laughed.
"DONNA WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY?!"
"YOUR FUNERAL!"
"I WANT MY FUNERAL TO HAPPEN SOON!"
"WE ALL DO GRANDMA, BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW I AM NOT COMING!"
Huey, Dewey, and Louie began throwing food at Elvira while Donald cheered them on.
"SO DONNA WHAT TOWN IN MEXICO ARE YOU FROM?!" Asked Hortense.
"A GARBAGE CAN IS A NOT A TOWN!"
Donna repeated the attack on Daisy.
"LETS JUST PUT ON DONALD AND DAISY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL STARRING ME!"
"PUT ON TWICE UPON A CHRISTMAS I LOVE THAT SONG!"
"DONALD I LOVE IT WHEN YOU ARE DEAD!"
"DAFFY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!"
"IF WE CANT BE FRIENDS THEN I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU!"
"I LOVE THIS YULE LOG!" Fethry yelled.
"I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO POINT IN THE STORY ANYMORE!" Ludwig shrieked.
"LUDWIG YOU ARE STILL IMPORTANT TO ME, MAYBE NOT DONALD, BUT TO ME YES!"
"DAISY SHUT UP YOU ARE SO UGLY!"
"WOW GOOD COMEBACK!"
"MEXICO IS PRETTIER THAN YOU DAISY, AND I AM ALSO SEXIER THAN YOU SO THERE, PUTA!"
"HUEY, DEWEY, LOUIE MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO IN THE FAMILY ROOM AND WATCH TV!" Suggested Hortense.
"IS DORA ON?!"
Donna repeated the attack on Daisy.
The nutcracker music was also fucking blaring at this point.
"I HEAR THE NORTHERN LIGHTS ARE VISIBLE TONIGHT!"
"SCROOGE THIS ISN'T FUCKING ALASKA!"
"I LOVE THAT GLADSTONE IS DEAD, HE IS NOT SO LUCKY NOW!"
"DAISY GLADSTONE IS MY SON YOU ASSHOLE AND YOU ARE THE REASON HE IS DEAD!" Goosestave Gander yelled.
"DONALD TRIPPED!"
"YOU TRIPPED HIM!" Gladstone's mom Daphne Duck yelled.
"HAHA I WIN!"
"THAT IS NOT FAIR DONALD HAS THE HOT WIFE, WHAT DO I GET!"
"YOU GET ME!"
"DAFFY I DON'T WANT YOU!"
"YOU WANT ME DON'T YOU!"
"NO I DON'T!"
"IT'S SO OBVIOUS!"
"OKAY FINE I DO!"
Daisy and Donna went up to make out but Scrooge yelled, "WAIT!"
"NO PLEASE DON'T STOP!" Everyone screamed looking closely at the two love birds.
"ELVIRA HASN'T TALKED FOR A MINUTE!"
Donna and Daisy had a five minute make out session after which everyone turned to see Elvira dead.
"OH MY GOD MOM I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
"Dad what are you talking about this whole fucking night has been about her dying!"
"Okay well Donald it is still sad!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Elvira suddenly screamed to which almost everyone dropped dead in shock.
"I AM THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM GOING TO RULE FOREVER, MERRY CHRISTMAS FAGGOTS!" She then began shaking and screaming uncontrollably.
"Oh my God, okay the doctors said weird shit might hap... DONALD, DAISY, STOP LAUGHING... pen at the end, I think it's best we just take her to hospice!" Scrooge stated.
"I thought this was her hospice," Daisy stated.
"Are you crazy, this bitch isn't dying in my house, I'm not even related to her by blood according to that family tree!"
"Okay well I'll drive her there!" Donald smiled.
"Absolutely not, there is something sketchy going on!"
"What are you talking about I'm sad my grandma is dying," Donald said, fake crying.
"Okay there aren't even tears!"
"JUST LET ME DRIVE HER THERE!"
"Okay well she's already about to die so I guess it doesn't matter anymore, here these are the keys to my truck you can put her in the back!"
"Thanks Uncle Scrooge!"
Donald hopped in the truck when suddenly the door of the truck opened up next to him and Daisy hopped in.
"I'm coming with you!"
"Why?!"
"Because I know you are gonna do something bad to her and I want in!"
"Okay fine!"
Donald excitedly drove the truck to the music of Hey Santa and River down towards the woods and soon the ducks approached the candy cane forest again and came up to the frozen lake.
"She's gonna go swimming!" Donald laughed.
"That's awful, Donald it is fucking Christmas!"
"Being frozen has worked for Walt!"
"I fucking love this plan!"
Donald and Daisy got Elvira out from the back of the truck and picked her up from the bed. She was still shaking around but she couldn't actually move her bones since they were all broken. They walked across the lake and saw a hole that was slightly opened up. They dropped her directly through it and sent her down into the freezing cold water where she drowned.
"Bye grandma!" Donald laughed.
"Let's get off the fucking lake, I don't trust this ice and I am not falling in there with her!" Daisy bitched.
Donald and Daisy walked off the lake and leaned against two of the candy canes.
"Tonight has been interesting!" Donald said.
"We don't have to talk!"
"Well I wanted to!"
"Whatever!"
"Daffy seems nice!"
"Okay now you're just trying to piss me off!"
"Is it working!"
"Yes!"
"How about when I'm with Donna!"
"I'm never more pissed than when you're with Donna, I just hope she gets deported again!"
"Why, so we can make another movie together?"
"I did not say that!"
"Whatever, so should we go back and watch that movie with the family!"
"I don't care about the movie, so no!"
"Should we be concerned our spouses are fucking while we're out here!"
"If I can't handle Daffy I highly doubt my sexy Mexican clone is any better!"
"I do want to see some of the movie!"
"The song?!"
"Yes, I love the song!"
"It is my favorite song in the fucking world!"
"Mine too!"
"Well we can actually listen to it now, I have a recording of it on my iPod!"
"PLAY IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"
"HOLY SHIT WAIT LOOK!"
Donald and Daisy looked up to see that the northern lights were actually somehow above them.
"CLIMB THE CANDY CANE!" Daisy screamed.
"WHY?!"
"SO WE CAN SEE THEM BETTER RETARD!"
Donald and Daisy climbed their candy canes and sat at the top of them watching the auroras.
"Play the song!"
"Say please bossy!"
"PLEASE!"
Daisy pressed play and Donald and Daisy began singing.
"When I close my eyes
All I do is think of you
And I wonder if you feel the same way too
Will tonight be the night
That everything will be just right?
Beneath the wreaths of green
I see it in my dreams
We're all finding our way
Through another holiday
Wrapping hopes and dreams
In angels' wings tonight
Time to give and receive
But the only gift I need
Is to share this day and every day with you!"
After the song ended Donald and Daisy thought about whether or not they should leave.
"I guess our spouses are waiting!" Daisy said.
Donald looked at Daisy for a second before saying, "let's just stay for a while, I like these lights!"
"Okay, I think I could stay for a while too."