The Original Ducksekeeter

Chapter 25: The Looney Duck

April 17, 1937. The time was eleven thirty at night and everyone was cozying up into bed. It was a very still and peaceful night that everyone was very happy in. And that is when it happened.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Walt screamed so fucking loud that the world exploded and then got put back together twice for the force of holler.
"This sounds like juicy gossip, let's get the tea!" Daisy said when her and Donald woke up.
They got into their car and began driving down to the studio. They were heading through a very wooded area and it was hard to see anything, but they both almost had heart attacks when out of fucking nowhere they saw Walt sobbing and smoking more cigars then he ever had before in his mouth in the middle of the road. They swerved the car and hit a tree to get away from Walt and then hopped out to yell at him.
"What the fuck is going on?!" Donald asked.
"Something horrific has happened today!" Walt sobbed, and then jumped into a nearby river in an attempt to drown himself.
"Oh no stop him," Donald said unenthusiastically.
"Before you kill yourself at least spill the tea!" Daisy demanded.
"Donald and Daisy Duck short films," he muttered, he looked like his head was about to explode.
"What about them!" Daisy yelled.
"Donald and Daisy Duck short films have always been the highest grossing short films of every week since Steamboat Willie!"
"OH FUCK NOBODY BETTER HAVE OVERTAKEN US!"
"Calm down Daisy, we are still number one!"
"THANK FUCK, THEN WHAT IS THE PROBLEM!"
"But you two always fill up the top ten short films of the week, outside of a few occasions when a Goofy short appears at nine or ten, but today..."
Walt grabbed a sharp stick and attempted to stab his throat with it, but Donald and Daisy held him back so Walt could keep talking.
"SAY IT!" They screamed.
"I CAN'T!"
"YES YOU FUCKING CAN JUST FUCKING SAY IT!"
"He is number five!"
"Who?!"
"DAFFY DUCK!" Walt had a fucking seizure after saying the name.
Donald and Daisy hadn't thought about the Daffy Duck problem. When Mickey and Minnie were the mascots, Donald and Daisy already hated Daffy Duck because to them he was a rip-off who stole their fame, but now that they were the mascots it pissed them off even more.
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!" Walt screamed, "I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS CUNT IS BUT HE HAS POPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND IS NOW NUMBER FIVE WHICH WILL BECOME NUMBER FOUR WHICH WILL BECOME NUMBER THREE WHICH WILL BECOME NUMBER TWO WHICH WILL BECOME NUMBER ONE WHICH WILL BECOME YOU TWO ARE NO LONGER THE MOST FAMOUS THINGS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!"
Walt then collapsed on the ground and looked like he was dead. Donald and Daisy smiled until they felt his heart beat still going and then they went back to being pissed. Walt was brought to a hospital and where it was found out he had a heart attack because of stress and cigar inhalation.
"But is he gonna die?" Donald asked the doctor happily.
"No, he will make a full recovery!" Said the doctor happily.
"COULD THIS NIGHT GET ANY FUCKING WORSE?!" Daisy sobbed.
"DON'T ASK THAT?!" Donald shivered superstitiously.
Donald and Daisy walked back into their house and both of them immediately began breaking anything she laid her eyes on.
"OKAY WE NEED TO CALM OUR ASSES DOWN!" Daisy screamed after they broke half of the shit on their first floor.
"BITCH WE ARE FUCKED, THAT LITTLE SHIT IS GONNA BECOME MORE FAMOUS THAN US!"
"WE DON'T KNOW THAT!"
"YES WE DO, DAFFY OVERTOOK US IN FAME IN THE PAST!"
"Okay but Donald he didn't overtake Mickey and Minnie!"
"BUT THEY'RE NOT ALSO DUCKS NOW WE'RE GONNA BE IN AN EVEN BIGGER COMPETITION WITH THEM!"
"But Daffy is the second tier Looney Tune mascot like we used to be the second tier Disney mascot, it's Bugs Bunny we have to worry about and we are way more entertaining than him!"
"I guess s...
"WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT, BUGS BUNNY IS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY, DONALD WE HAVE TO GET OUR GAME UP!"
"BUT HOW!?"
"I DON'T KNOW, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE KILL BUGS BUNNY!"
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?"
"OF COURSE I AM FUCKING SERIOUS!"
"BUT IF WE KILL BUGS THEN THAT MAKES DAFFY THE DIRECT MASCOT OF LOONEY TUNES!"
"WELL IF WE WERE SMART WE WOULD HAVE KILLED DAFFY TOO BUT IT NOW IT'S TOO LATE BECAUSE HE IS ALREADY BECOMING FAMOUS!"
"WELL MAYBE IT ISN'T TOO LATE!"
"IT IS TOO LATE!"
Daffy had burst into Donald and Daisy's house, his newfound fame so powerful he broke through the glass dome.
"OH MY GOD!" Donald and Daisy screamed.
"MY NAME IS DAFFY DUCK AND I AM GOING FUCK YOU UP!"
"Ew you're so unattractive!" Daisy screamed.
"Not literally, I MEAN FAME WISE!"
"NO, JUST RAPE US INSTEAD!"
"Listen bitches..." Daffy stuttered.
"THIS COCKSUCKER EVEN HAS A SPEECH PROBLEM LIKE ME?!" Donald stuttered.
"Listen I'm the new duck in town and you better watch out because I am going to become the most famous in the world and make sure you two are broke as hell by the end of the decade!"
"NO, YOU DO NOT COME INTO OUR HOUSE AND PULL THIS SHIT, I AM BUTCHERING YOU!" Daisy shrieked.
Daisy ran into the kitchen and grabbed a butcher knife but when she came back Daffy was holding a machine gun at her.
"OH SHIT!"
"Well go on, come stab me, just hope I don't shoot you!" Daffy giggled.
Although Daffy should have remembered he was outnumbered because Donald came right behind him with a butcher knife of his own and shoved it right into Daffy's back.
"OH MY GOD I JUST GOT STABBED!"
Daffy fell to the floor, and Daisy reached down to get his machine gun. Although as she reached her arm down, Daffy grabbed her arms and tore it out of its socket.
"JESUS FUCK, HOW IS THIS SKINNY BITCH SO STRONG!"
Daffy then kicked Daisy right in the clit with his big ass foot, knocking the fucking wind out of her and sending her to the ground. Donald ran up to Daffy and began strangling him from behind, but Daffy ended up biting Donald's hand and blood began spraying out brutally. Daffy then grabbed a fucking flame thrower and shot fire at both of the ducks. Donald and Daisy charged up the staircase screaming like little pussies.
"OH MY GOD DONALD THIS BITCH IS CRAZY!"
"I FUCKING STABBED HIM HOW IS HE STILL MOVING!"
"WELL HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS MADE OF LAFFY TAFFY SO HIS BODY CLEARLY DOESN'T WORK CORRECTLY!"
Donald and Daisy ran to the part of the house that has an entrance to space and jumped into a space pod and flew out into the stars.
"Let's hide in a black hole!" Daisy suggested.
"Are you insane?!"
"What?!"
"A black fucking hole, dumbass we'd die!"
"Okay fine, let's hide on some planet, but let's make it the furthest one from the sun or something so that we are really far, I think it's Mercury!"
"Daisy you must have forgotten to take your sped pills tonight because BLACK HOLES, MERCURY, Mercury is not the fucking furthest from the sun, it's the closest!"
"OH MY GOD, FORFUCKINGGIVE ME DONALD, I FORGOT HOW GREAT OF AN ASTRONOMER YOU ARE, okay now how did I learn the planets again in kindergarten, we had some song that went over the abbreviation but I can't remember how it goes!"
"I'll just fly as far from the sun as possibly," Donald stated.
They flew away from the sun very slowly and Daisy was getting bitchy.
"Pick up the pace!"
"Girl, I've never flown through space before how am I supposed to know what to do?!"
"OH THAT PLANET LOOKS SEXY I WANNA GO THERE!"
There was a blue planet with a giant X on it in the distance and it reminded the ducks of porn. There horny asses flew onto it but immediately freaked the fuck out because Daffy was there wearing a gross green outfit.
"OH SHIT!"
"I OWN PLANET X!"
Daffy jumped into the space shuttle and in this enclosed space the three of them beat the shut of each other, which meant Daffy jumping on top of Donald and Daisy and kicking their asses, while Donald and Daisy tried to escape. Daffy eventually got a chainsaw and tried to slice the two of them in half, flipping the chainsaw around aggressively. Thankfully Daisy switched on autopilot which brought them towards Earth, but unthankfully, Daffy stabbed the front of the plane with his chainsaw which broke the autopilot setting.
"YOU FUCKING RETARD NOW WE'RE GONNA BE LOST IN SPACE!" Donald screamed at Daffy.
"HEY AT LEAST WE'LL BE REMEMBERED AS THE FAMOUS ONES!" Daisy laughed at Daffy.
"FUCK YOU!" Daffy screeched.
Daffy grabbed the steering wheel and in a matter of five seconds flew the space shuttle aggressively back to Donald and Daisy's house. Thankfully though Daffy was distracted by flying the shuttle, which gave Donald and Daisy the chance to beat the shit out of him until every one of his bones were broken. They put him in their car to drive away from their home, so people wouldn't get suspicious that Daffy was lying outside of Donald and Daisy's house horribly injured and also so they could find a new place to kill him.
"WE WILL DRIVE TO THE EDGE OF TOONTOWN AND FINISH HIM OFF THERE!" Daisy stated.
But suddenly a swarm of fans of both Donald and Daisy and Daffy began chasing them.
"OH FUCK, WE MIGHT HAVE TO JUST PULL A PRINCESS DIANA AND KILL US ALL, AT LEAST WE'LL GET A LOT OF SYMPATHY THAT WAY!" Daisy stated.
"NO FUCKING WAY DAISY, THE ONLY PERSON DYING TONIGHT IS THAT DUMB BITCH IN THE BACK!"
"DONALD IF THEY SEE DAFFY IN THE BACK WE'LL BE FUCKED!"
"WE JUST HAVE TO QUICKLY GET HIM OUT OF THE CAR!"
Donald then saw a nearby lake.
"ROLL THE WINDOW DOWN AND THROW DAFFY OUT OF THE CAR!"
"IF YOU SAY SO!"
Daisy rolled the backseat window down and then threw Daffy into the lake. Since the car was in between the sea of fans and the lake nobody could actually see Daisy do this, so after they threw him in they just hopped out of the car like nothing happened.
"HEY EVERYONE!" Donald and Daisy said jovially.
The storm of people screamed and cheered with excitement.
"DONALD AND DAISY WE LOVE YOU!"
"LICK OUR BODY PARTS!"
"I WANT YOU TWO TO ENTER MY SOUL FOR ALL ETERNITY!"
But some had confused looks.
"Where's Daffy?"
"Yeah I heard he was in this car!"
"That is fake news Daffy was never in this car tonight!" Donald stated.
"That's true, how can he be in the car if he's lying in that lake behind the car injured!" A fan pointed out.
Everyone began screaming viciously when they saw that Daffy with all the bones in his body broken looked like he was knocking on death's door in the lake.
"OH MY GOD HE IS ABOUT TO DIE!"
"SOMEONE HELP HIM!"
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!"
"I think it's too late for hi..." Daisy began saying, wiping away a tear because she is a baddie who can cry on cue, but suddenly the cops, fire department, ambulances, priests, and FBI were at the scene.
"Bitch this just fucking happened, literally how?!" Daisy whispered in anger.
Daffy was taken to the hospital, while Donald and Daisy drove back home praying to God and Satan that Daffy would die. But once they got home they turned on the radio to hear the worst news they heard that night since it was said Walt would make a full recovery.
"Daffy will make a full recovery!" The lady on the radio cheerfully said.
"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Donald and Daisy screamed in anguish.
"FUCK DONALD HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE!"
"I AM AWARE OF THAT DAISY!"
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW I MEAN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Daisy began stomping violently all around the ground and began sobbing profusely.
In celebration of this news Donald and Daisy began heavily drinking all of the alcohol they could find in their house and sobbed all over the floor. Their crying eventually turned into a drunken pillow fight which then turned into a drunken sing along and dance party, and then a drunken search for dinosaur bones in the backyard. They passed out at around six in the morning in their backyard and woke up at around noon with no memory of what happened after hearing the news of Daffy's survival.
Walt held in a meeting in his hospital room with Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Mary Blair, and Walt's brother Roy who was there because one he was like the first CEO of the company or something, and two he was originally had the impression that Walt was going to die and so he thought he could get a glimpse of how much money was going to him in the will, but had to pretend like he had to wanted to be there after being told he was gonna make it, which Donald and Daisy understood the pain of.
"Okay now we have to be quiet as fuck because Daffy is somewhere in this hospital in he probably has spies from Warner Brothers right now looking around the hospital, thankfully though this is a private, sound proof room, and my guards are outside but we still have to be careful, now AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Walt lit fifty more cigars as he thought about Daffy's existence once more.
"DO NOT SMOKE!" A doctor yelled.
"FUCK YOU CUNT, as I was saying though AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
"I don't see the problem of Daffy Duck anyway, why can't we all be friends?!" Goofy suggested.
"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY BITCH, YOU AREN'T THE MASCOT OF THE FUCKING COMPANY!" Donald yelled.
"Well listen, my spies are better than Warner Brothers so I actually did get the details and Daffy is thankfully in very bad shape, it will take him months to completely heal, but they are still going as fast as they can to heal him and he is doing physical therapy as we speak so we still have to quickly get out a ton of shit before he gets back to work!"
"Well we can try to kill him, can't we?!" Asked Goofy.
"Bitch I thought you wanted to be friends with Daffy?!" Daisy questioned Goofy.
"BITCH IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT I THINK!" Goofy roared.
"Well after Donald and Daisy's murder attempt now Daffy is going to have guards on him like white on rice!" Walt explained.
"That's racist," said Mary.
"Shut up liberal!" Walt screamed, "look we have just got to continue being the best company, the Donald and Daisy Duck Club is still going beautifully, and the Donald and Daisy Duck shorts still are going strong, the bad news though is that Daffy apparently has filmed a good amount of short films and now especially sympathy tickets will be bought so he will continue to get to number five or even," Walt threw up and lit a thousand more cigars, "number four, ugh JESUS HELP ALL ahugha, but the good news is there are only enough shorts to last for the next month and with him still getting better from the attack it might not even be until next year before Daffy returns with new short films, so the shorts are probably okay, but in the meantime we IT WOULD HELP TO GET FUCKING DISNEYLAND FINISHED!"
Despite starting to get built three years ago, Disneyland was still finishing up construction because the hot California sun turns Walt's slaves into raisins in a matter of time so they go slow as hell, and Walt even had to hire some white people to help build it much to his dismay to pick up the pace.
"Walt, we do not appreciate our creation taking this long!" Donald and Daisy said with a disappointed face, they always said this when Walt would complain about the speed of Disneyland's birth.
"I AM SORRY MY LOVES!" Walt sobbed and lit fifty more cigars.
"Donald and I think we have an idea brewing, but we want to confirm it with each other first!"
"PLEASE DO!"
Donald and Daisy walked outside the hospital room.
"We have an idea?" Donald asked.
"Snow White," Daisy smiled.
Walt had yet to come up with the idea of Snow White yet. As it was getting towards the time it originally came out Donald and Daisy didn't know if he would come up with it or if they would suggest it for him.
"It's dangerous because what if he's already thought of it?" Donald asked.
"I don't care, he'll just assume we put the idea in his head or something, look Donald this is the perfect time for the Snow White bomb to drop, it will overshadow Daffy completely, not to mention this is the year it's supposed to come out and something about this specific year may work for it!"
"You're right, let's tell him!"
Donald and Daisy busted through the door and yelled, "WALT WE HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT SNOW WHITE!"
"Oh my God that's so funny I've been thinking about making a movie about Snow White to..."
"WELL IT WAS OUR IDEA WE ARE TAKING CREDIT FOR IT AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!"
"I agree!" Walt grinned, "HOLY SHIT A FUCKING FULL LENGTH MOTION PICTURE IS THE PERFECT THING TO OVERTAKE DAFFY'S FAME WHILE HE'S ON THE MEND, DONALD AND DAISY YOU ARE GENIUSES!"
"Yeah we know!" They grinned.
"MARY THIS MOVIE NEEDS TO BE DONE BY DECEMBER 21st, YOU AND THE GALS AT THE STUDIO BEST START WORKING!"
The meeting ended but as they were walking out to the front of the hospital Daisy asked the front desk lady, "excuse me where is Daffy Duck, I want to pay him a visit!"
"He is in room 069 on the third floor!" The lady responded with a sweet smile.
"Sexy number, thanks miss!" Daisy grinned back.
Daisy walked to an elevator and Donald followed behind.
"What are you doing?!"
"Paying him a visit," she laughed.
"Well I guess we're doing this!"
Donald and Daisy crept up to the room and peaked their head in. A doctor suddenly walked out and Donald and Daisy put their backs to the wall trying not to look suspicious. Once the doctor was out of view, Donald and Daisy peaked their heads back to the door to see that Daffy was the only one in the room. He was in a full body cast but was standing slightly up and walking slowly with crutches, but he was doing a great job with this.
"Looks like someone's making progress," Daisy walked into the room smiling, to which Daffy looked up in terror, "KEEP WATCH DONALD, here Dr. Daisy will change that!"
Daisy shoved Daffy straight to the floor, erasing any progress he had been making and ruining his bones even more. Daffy shrieked loudly in pain and several doctors rushed back.
"He kerplopped the moment we walked in," Daisy explained with a sad expression.
After that horrific night things did only go up from there. Production on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves began, Disneyland was getting closer and closer to being finished, and Daffy was still in the hospital relearning how to walk and stuff like that.
While filming an episode of the Donald and Daisy Duck Club one day, Daisy and Walt were having a conversation in Walt's office.
"STOP BEING A FUCKING PEDOPHILE!"
"I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE!"
"I LITERALLY JUST CAUGHT YOU PEEKING INTO THAT LITTLE GIRL'S TRAILER!"
"I DIDN'T KNOW IF SHE KNEW HOW TO GET THAT SHIRT OVER HER HEAD PROPERLY AND I THOUGHT I SHOULD MAYBE HELP HER OUT!"
"OH MY GOD WALT!"
"What happened?!" Donald walked into the room.
"This perv is looking into Nancy's trailer!"
"I just wanted to see if she needed help getting dressed!"
"Walt, that's gross, well anyway I just got the news that Disneyland is finished!"
"HOLY SHIT!" Walt lit a trillion cigars and then began dancing around the room excitedly and even started dancing with Daisy who was so excited about the news as well that the two of them really went to town on their jig.
"I WANT TO SEE IT!" Daisy screamed.
"We're in the middle of filming this episode!" Donald stated.
"IF ONLY WE RAN THE SHOW, OH WAIT WE DO, NOW LET'S GO SEE DISNEYLAND!"
Donald, Daisy, and Walt got in the private jet and flew down to Disneyland and were the first people inside not including the slaves, who were also immediately forced to leave the premises by Walt after they finished building, even the white ones because Walt wanted to say he was the first white man in Disneyland. The three of them explored the entire park, tried out several of the rides, and ate at some of the restaurants. Donald and Daisy also forced Walt to pay them since he was not the creator of the park. Walt threw a party at one of his mansions in celebration of Disneyland's completion. While at the party Walt announced that it would open a week from then on July 18 (because opening it on the original day feels tacky to me) and that there would be a very large opening day celebration.
"I WANNA FUCKING GO!" Everyone yelled.
"I KNOW YOU DO!" Walt laughed.
The party was very fun as everyone partied with excitement in their minds from this beautiful news. Donald and Daisy could barely even breathe for five minutes at the party as people surrounded them and screamed questions at them about Disneyland's opening.
"It's about time Disneyland opened, that bitch started production forever ago!" Ludwig yelled, Donald and Daisy snuck out of the party to smoke weed outside with him.
"I know, it's so incredible!" Daisy smiled.
"Oh no Daisy, your friend's coming over!" Donald laughed.
Daisy turned to see that Mortimer walked out of the mansion and was coming towards them. After the night of the Donald and Daisy Duck Club premiere when Daisy and Mortimer got angry at each other, the two of them only got worse from there. Daisy would make fun of Mortimer and call him over dramatic, while Mortimer would get angry at Daisy for not being sympathetic enough towards him. Eventually they began arguing so much that they decided to just avoid each other as much as possible.
"You're still mad at him?" Ludwig asked, "sounds to me like you're being a little dramatic too Daisy!"
"SHUT UP, Donald we're leaving!"
"I don't want to go back inside!"
"Well good because I meant we're leaving the party, I'm tired and I want to go to bed!"
Donald and Daisy drove back home and Daisy, being tired, left the building because the two of them decided to throw their own party just for them. They drank some beers and snorted some coke while they ran around the house happily for hours, until late in the night when they finally decided that they were actually now tired. They cozied up into bed and held each other close.
"Daffy is crying painful tears in his hospital bed tonight!" Daisy giggled.
Donald and Daisy shut their eyes and had peaceful dreams about Daffy losing all popularity and everyone in ToonTown hating him while the two of them were on top of the world with fame. There were even some points in the dreams where Daffy would drown and die in their bank vault and would be beaten to death by the Duckseketer kids. When they awoke from these beauties the day was as pretty as a picture. Mr. Sun shone through the windows and filled the room with all his power. The ducks practically levitated out of their comfy cozy bed and went downstairs to their kitchen to eat a delicious breakfast.
"What a lovely morning," Donald smiled.
"Oh look at the birdies!" Daisy opened the window and little songbirds flew onto her finger and chirped a sweet song.
"The birdies can't walk or talk like us because they aren't us!"
"Daffy knows that feeling!"
After their perfect breakfast, they headed out to the living room where they turned on the radio. But the second they did the sun outside turned into a horrific storm, the songbirds dropped dead, Donald and Daisy both had seizures, and worst of all the cunt on the radio, who was actually a very nice lady but good lord did she have a lot of bad news to give, saying this bullshit, "DAFFY DUCK WILL BE OUT OF THE HOSPITAL TOMORROW!"
For thirty minutes Donald and Daisy couldn't even move, but eventually while they couldn't stand they could talk, and these are the conversations they had.
"CUNT FUCK SHIT CUNT FUCK ASS DICK MOTHER FUCKER TITS FAGGOT BITCH QUEEN LATIFAH CUNT BALLSACK CHILDFUCKER!" Daisy said.
"SHIT COCK TITTIES PISS ASS VAGINAGRABBER SHIT MORMON CUNT FUCK FACE FUCK ASS HELL BASTARD CUNTY CUNTY CUNT CUNT GODDAMN DAMNNIT DIPSHIT PUSSY!"
"I'M SO TIRED OF BEING HERE, SUPPRESSED BY ALL MY CHILDISH FEARS, AND IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE, CAUSE YOUR PRESENCE STILL LINGERS HERE, AND IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"SO I REMEMBER WE WERE DRIVING, DRIVING IN YOUR CAR, SPEED SO FAST I FELT I WAS DRUNK, CITY LIGHTS LAY OUT BEFORE US AND YOUR ARM FELT NICE WRAPPED ROUND MY SHOULDER AND I-I HAD A FEELING THAT I BELONGED, I-I HAD A FEELING I COULD BE SOMEONE, BE SOMEONE, BE SOMEONE!"
"ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD CAN'T, BE GONE, ALL THE NEED TO BE LOVE CAN'T BE WRONG, ALL THE RECORDS ARE PLAYING AND MY HEART KEEPS SAYING, BOOGIE WONDERLAND, WONDERLAND..."
Suddenly disco lights popped out of nowhere and Donald and Daisy got into black face because it was 1937 and started singing Boogie Wonderland with dance moves that would have at least gotten them into the second round of America's Got Talent before eventually the disco lights and blackface went away and the ducks got some sense back into them and got to finally just talk about their feelings like normal people.
"DONALD I WANNA FUCKING DIE!"
"HOW THE FUCK IS HE ALREADY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, IT'S BEEN LIKE THREE MINUTES!"
"Well maybe he still has to go through many more months of physical therapy, just because you are let out of the hospital that doesn't mean you feel completely better, it doesn't mean that at all, NOT AT ALL!"
"And we also have news that Daffy is entirely healed, it's a medical mystery and miracle!" The cunt on the radio chimed in.
"DAISY I AM GOING TO SLIT MY WRISTS!"
"THAT SON OF A BITCH IS RUINING EVERYTHING!"
"HE IS GOING TO START APPEARING IN MORE SHORT FILMS THAN WE CAN EVEN TAKE, PEOPLE ARE GONNA START LIKING HIM MORE THAN US, WE ARE FUCKED!" Donald was now on the floor having one of the biggest tantrums of his career.
"NO WE AREN'T, I'M NOT GIVING UP, LISTEN DONALD TONIGHT WE ARE GOING TO DO WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO, WE ARE ENDING THE LOONEY TUNES, AND THAT STARTS TONIGHT WHEN WE KILL BUGS BUNNY!"
"YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT FUCKER NEEDS TO BE OUT OF THE PICTURE!"
"AND THEN AFTER THAT WE'LL DEAL WITH THE RIP-OFF!"
That night Donald and Daisy snuck real quiet out of their house and drove out of ToonTown.
"Okay but where does this bitch live?!" Asked Donald.
"Rabbit Fire Forest!" There isn't a specific name for where that short takes place.
Once they got to the woods Donald and Daisy put on some very sexy looking hunting outfits and crept around in search of their bunny. They saw a sign on the way into the forest that said it was "Rabbit Season" as well as "Duck Season", but they weren't worried because they noticed Elmer Fudd the moment they walked in too and shot him right in his giant ass noggin which then exploded. They looked around for twenty minutes, at some point a few animals would pop up suddenly and the ducks would get excited only for them to quickly realize it wasn't Bugs.
"Maybe he's not here!"
"But it's Rabbit Season!" Daisy stomped.
"That doesn't mean he's her..."
Suddenly Bugs jumped from out of the ground and kicked Donald across the face, putting his beak the other direction.
"WHAT'S UP DOC!" Bugs hollered excitedly.
"OH MY GOD I HAVE TO SHOOT HIM!" Daisy screamed, reaching for her gun.
Bugs jumped onto Daisy and wrapped his body around her skull.
"WHAT THE FUCK, GET OFF OF ME, DONALD HELP I CAN'T SEE!"
Donald fixed his beak with his hands and went up to Daisy who was going batshit crazy trying to get Bugs off of her, as he just grinned stupidly. Daisy then began shooting around everywhere desperately trying to get Bugs.
"DAISY STOP SHOOTING YOU MIGHT HIT ME!" Donald yelled as he tried to help take Bugs off her.
Just as Donald was about to grab Bugs Daisy shot him right in the wing.
"OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"
"DID I SHOOT YOU?!"
"YES!"
"WHOOPS, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET THE BULLET OUT?!"
"I GUESS I FUCKING HAVE TO!"
"DON'T BE SO BITCHY, YOU'RE LUCKY IT WASN'T YOUR HEART!"
"I DIDN'T WANT IT TO BE ANYWHERE, STOP SHOOTING AT EVERYTHING!"
Donald did get a rush of adrenaline from the gunshot wound and got the power to tear Bugs off of Daisy and throw him to the ground. Daisy pointed the gun at Bugs and shot both of his ears off.
"SHOOT HIS HEAD!" Donald bitched.
"I AM TRYING, AND I DON'T SEE YOU DOING ANYTHING!"
Bugs then hopped up and took Daisy's gun.
"OH GOD RUN!"
Donald and Daisy ran like a bunch of little girls away from Bugs who shot aggressively around trying to hit the ducks. Daisy ripped Donald's gun out of his hand and began shooting behind her at Bugs.
"THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL I AM HIDING!" Donald screamed.
Donald ran up a tree.
"GOOD IDEA WE CAN SHOOT HIM FROM ABOVE!"
Daisy went up the tree as well but Bugs followed as well.
"I THINK HE GOT THE IDEA OF OUR PLAN!" Daisy stated.
"YEAH, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU JUST SCREAMED OUT THE PLAN OR SOMETHING!"
Like the song from Jennifer's Body goes Daisy and Bugs shot at each other through the trees and both had blind spots because the trees were so thick with the leaves. Donald and Daisy then decided it would be smart to not go forward and instead change directions to throw Bugs off, but unfortunately when they made a left and continued running they didn't realize they were actually going backwards and ended up coming face to face with Bugs' big grin. Daisy punched Bugs in the face and then began wrestling him around in the branches. Eventually the branch was pushed down and the ducks and Bugs were catapulted high up into the air. They ended up getting up to a mile in the sky and realized that the forest was actually on a mountain side and now they were above where it was a three hundred foot cliff.
"OH CUNT!" Daisy screamed.
"WE ARE NOT DYING!" Donald screamed, grabbing Daisy and spreading his wings to glide over to the mountain side where they held on tightly.
"OH SHIT DOC I'M GONNA DIE!" Bugs stated.
Bugs went down and Daisy was able to let one hand go off the mountainside for twenty seconds in which time she flooded Bugs with bullets all over his body and Donald pulled out the bullet from his wing and threw it directly at Bugs' throat as he fell to his death. Donald and Daisy then climbed back up the mountain.
"One down, one to go!" Daisy smiled.
The ducks hopped like a bunny back into their car and drove to the ToonTown hospital to give Daffy a parting gift.
Daisy was planning on going into the room, but Donald stayed outside.
"You'll know when the time is right!" Daisy said to him.
Daisy marched into his room and saw that he looked almost entirely healed other than some bruises.
"Don't even think about killing me!" Daffy laughed.
"Too late!"
Daffy leaped out of bed and began beating Daisy up violently, but Daisy didn't fight back, instead she just laid there and screamed. As quietly as he could Donald snuck in with a camera and filmed the entire attack.
"WHAT'S WRONG DAISY YOU CAN'T FIGHT BACK!"
Daffy then felt the presence of Donald behind him and noticed him filming. Donald shut the camera off and began laughing hysterically.
"YOU'RE CANCELED!" Daisy laughed hysterically.
Donald and Daisy then grabbed bats and began to break every single one of Daffy's bones again. When they arrived home they turned on the radio to hear the lady say something good for the first time ever, "HORRIFIC FOOTAGE OF DAFFY DUCK ATTACKING DAISY DUCK HAS BEEN RELEASED, THIS DUCK IS EVIL AND HIS CAREER MOST CERTAINLY OVER!"
Donald and Daisy fell to the floor laughing and finally their scrumptious morning returned to a scrumptious night.
The next day Daffy was moved out of the ToonTown hospital because so many people were trying to break into his room and murder him in revenge for what he did to Daisy. This actually ended up happening at every hospital and so Daffy eventually had to be treated for his injuries at an igloo in Antarctica, where even some polar bears and penguins tried to kill him. Daisy, as well as Donald because he was there and shot the video, were getting an overwhelming amount of sympathy and love from everyone. They received a trillion care packages everyday, people began dressing like Donald and Daisy, and countless letters and banners were made in their honor. This also served as a phenomenal promotion for the opening day of Disneyland. When opening day arrived so many people went that fifty category eleven earthquakes destroyed pretty much every inch of California, with the only place with no damage being Disneyland of course. Everyone claimed that they had a ticket but most people actually didn't and instead just broke in.
"OKAY EVERYONE THIS IS A LONG TIME COMING BUT WELCOME TO DISNEYLAND!" Walt screamed, before cutting the ribbon.
After Walt cut the ribbon everyone charged in as fast as they could. They went on every single fucking ride, sobbed aggressively when the met the Donald and Daisy costume characters, tears of happiness because to them it felt like they were meeting the real thing, but actually it should have been tears of horror because the costumes for terrifying, and everyone paid as much money as they had in their lives. As everyone went crazy outside, Donald and Daisy watched from up in the Snow White Castle and laughed thinking about what they achieved and how Daffy wasn't there to ruin it.