The Original Ducksekeeter

Chapter 30: Renaissance Ducks

Donald returned from the hospital a few days after the fight and was very scared when he noticed that Daisy was happy once he got home.
"HEY DONALD!" She grinned from outside the house where she was gardening and drinking sweet tea.
"Are you high?!"
"On life!"
Donald did the sign of the cross and walked closer to Daisy, but also still maintained his distance.
"So that award isn't even that nice!"
"That fight between you and Daffy was amazing!"
"Oh yeah I guess it was!"
"So who won?"
"I WON!" Donald screamed.
"Are you sure about that?!"
"Well I'm sure about it, but Daffy isn't, his dumbass keeps claiming that he was the winner!"
"Well this is a conflict isn't it, I wonder who actually won the fight!"
"Trust me Daisy, it was me!"
"I believe you Donald!"
"Well good!"
"But does the rest of the world?"
"OH FUCK I DON'T KNOW, IT ALL ENDED SO FAST!"
"WELL SHIT DONALD YOU BETTER GO AHEAD AND BEAT HIM!"
"The fight's over though!"
"Says who, Donald go up to Daffy's house right now and kick his ass!"
"Okay good idea!"
Donald got in the car while Daisy hopped in next to him.
"You're coming?"
"Duh!"
"Okay well let's go!"
"WAIT!" Daisy screamed at the top of her lungs when Donald started to drive before then bringing her voice to almost a whisper, "bring this," she handed Donald a pistol.
"Holy shit Daisy I'm not gonna kill him!"
"Well then don't shoot him anywhere bad, just if you look like you're about to lose then use it!"
"But this is a no weapons fight!"
"Well who cares if you cheat a little!"
"People may get mad though, this isn't like when we killed Walt, people actually like Daffy, I'll get in trouble!"
"I AM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD KILL HIM I AM JUST SAYING YOU SHOULD SHOOT HIM, IN FACT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT KILL HIM THAT WILL RUIN EVERYTHING!"
"What do you mean ruin everything!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"
"No I don..."
"Listen Donald just shoot him if I say chicken nuggets, and trust me you won't get in trouble!"
"Why chicken nuggets?"
"Because I'm hungry and we are stopping at McDonald's on the way there by the way!"
Donald drove up to Daffy's house and as Daisy finished her chicken nuggets she yelled, "WAIT!"
"Oh my God what is it?!"
"I'm having a smoke break!"
"Right now?!"
"I'm craving it!"
"Why couldn't you do it on the way over?!"
"I was eating chicken nuggets!"
"Can I start the fight!"
"NO I WANT TO SEE IT!"
"Daisy why are you being so fucking weird!"
"Donald that hurts my feelings, how dare you say that to me!"
"JUST GO SMOKE YOUR FUCKING CIGARETTE!"
"Okay bye, love you," she hopped out the car with pep in her step.
She snuck around the back of Daffy's house and through his bedroom window.
"OH FUCK, GET OUT!"
"Daffy listen, Donald is out there and I want you to pummel the shit out of him!"
"Are you high?"
"CAN EVERYONE STOP FUCKING ASKING ME THAT, LISTEN DAFFY YOU NEED TO FIGHT HIM LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER FOUGHT HIM BEFORE!"
"But he's strong!"
"THEN MAKE A SNEAK ATTACK, HE IS IN HIS CAR RIGHT NOW, QUICKLY GRAB HIM AND ATTACK HIM BEFORE HE HAS TIME TO PREPARE!"
"No!"
"WHY THE FUCK NOT?!"
"Because I don't trust you, there's a catch!"
"NO THERE ISN'T!"
"Okay."
"Really, okay, God you are stupid!" Daisy whispered.
Daffy snuck up to Donald's car and as fast as he could pulled him out the door and began beating him up.
"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM?!" Donald screamed, "HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS OUT HERE?!"
"I'M JUST THAT GOOD!"
Daisy ran around from the back, putting out a cigarette because she really did smoke one, because she really was craving, and yelled "OH SHIT DONALD IT LOOKS LIKE THERE WAS A SNEAK ATTACK!"
Daffy was on top of Donald punching him repeatedly while Donald struggled to fight back.
"Shit I think it's time, CHICKEN NUGGETS!"
Donald pulled out a pistol and shot Daffy in the fucking face while Mortimer who was disguised as a paparazzi person came from behind a tree and took a picture before running away again.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, DONALD YOU FUCKING IDIOT WHY DID YOU SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE?!"
"I WAS AIMING FOR HIS SHOULDER!"
Daffy laid on the ground bleeding out and looking dead. An ambulance was called and took Daffy away. Donald and Daisy went home and Daisy prayed to God that Daffy wasn't going to die because that was an extreme she didn't want her plan to go to. But by the grace of Malala Daffy didn't die and would be making a full recovery.
"Okay so he isn't going to die, that's good!" Daisy smiled at Donald.
"Why did you even tell me to shoot him in the first place!"
"Because he was going to win and you had to win!"
"Okay well fine, I'm happy that I won!"
"Me too, okay now let's watch the Golden Girls!"
Daisy turned on the TV to see a news station reporting about the fight.
"Oh gosh what are they saying?!" Asked Daisy.
"We have anonymous paparazzi photos of Donald Duck shooting Daffy Duck in the face, this comes just a few days after their fight in Norway!" The news reporter said.
"Oh goodness, the paparazzi got a picture of you shooting him!"
"No shit Sherlock," Donald yelled, "but that's okay right, you said I wouldn't get in trouble!"
"I don't remember saying that!"
"WHAT?!"
Suddenly millions of people were crowding around Donald and Daisy's house and were screaming at Donald.
"SHIT DAISY I AM FUCKED!"
"You sure are!" Mortimer said walking downstairs.
"Since when does he live here?!"
"He moved in while you were in Norway, his house went away because you know the studio has been in a lot of trouble since the Black Cauldron, Mortimer can I actually talk to you for a second!"
"Sure thing!"
Daisy and Mortimer went into a bathroom and began jumping up and down like teen girls.
"OH SHIT WE ACTUALLY DID IT!" Daisy whispered as excitedly as she could.
"I KNOW I CAN'T HOW WELL IT'S WORKED!"
"HIM SHOOTING HIM IN THE FACE WAS A LITTLE MORE INTENSE THAN WE PLANNED BUT I ACTUALLY THINK IT MAY MAKE IT EVEN BETTER IN THE LONG RUN!"
"WELL DONALD ISN'T GOING TO GET A LOT OF POSITIVE ATTENTION ANYMORE!"
"NO HE ISN'T, SHIT THIS IS GREAT!"
"WHY ARE YOU TWO BOUNCING UP THERE!" Donald called up.
"WE'RE KILLING A SPIDER!" Daisy yelled down.
Daisy and Mortimer walked down, and had a piece of empty toilet paper to make it look like they killed a spider, which they put in Donald's face to scare him.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH, why didn't you flush it down the toilet!"
"I don't know!" Daisy said throwing the toilet paper in the garbage can.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING DO, EVERYONE OUT THERE LOOKS LIKE THEY WANT TO KILL ME!"
People were crawling all over the dome, trying to break in, and yelled about how much they hated Donald for trying to kill Daffy and how he was just all jealous and shit.
"Well let's listen to what the news has to say, maybe it's just those losers upset!" Daisy reassured.
They watched more news reports which all talked about how Donald was evil and how pretty much everyone on the planet was mad at him. Daffy also filmed a statement that Minnie would have been proud of. He was wearing a masquerade mask over fifty layers of paper that made his head fucking giant.
"Donald Duck all I have to say," all of the shit fell off of him to reveal that Daffy's face looked perfectly fine outside of a little scratch on his forehead, before quickly turning away, "oh no I don't want anyone to see my horrific facial deformity," so Daffy did the rest of the video facing backwards, "as I was saying, Donald you have hurt feelings, you have hurt my trust, and you have hurt my head," Daisy burst out laughing, and the question I have for you is why, why, why, why, why, why..." Daisy shut the TV off and said, "I think we get the gist, okay I'm tired, goodnight."
The next morning Donald and Daisy had to be escorted by the army to work so that Donald would be safe. This didn't even entirely work because people still screamed and threw things, such as a bowling ball, at Donald.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME OR I WILL SHOOT YOU TOO!" Donald screamed in a tantrum.
"This is going better than I thought," Daisy whispered with a giggle.
The two of them arrived at the studio where a giant and violent protest was going on with the want for Donald to get fired.
"Wow it's crazy out there, everyone is so excited to see Pete!"
"PETE THEY AREN'T THERE FOR YOU RETARD THEY ARE THERE FOR ME!"
"DONALD YOU AREN'T SO SPECIAL, SHUT UP!"
"Okay listen we aren't going to talk about Donald, here we all support each other and we hate Daffy!"
"Daisy two days ago you had crippling depression because you didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize and when anyone even mentioned Donald you got all jeal..." Clarabelle began before Daisy threw her high heel at her, the pointy part hitting her eye.
"Okay now anyway everyone gather round, Donald and I have an idea for a new movie that we've been meaning to tell you about!"
"I don't think we can make anymore movies, we don't really have the money for it!" Michael Eisner said.
"And we're already making the Great Mouse Detective and Oliver and Company!" Said some person.
"FUCK THOSE MOVIES, GATHER AROUND SO I CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE NEW MOVIE!"
"I'm scared to be near Donald!" Goofy stated.
"And that is your right!" Daisy smiled.
"THE FUCK!" Donald screamed.
"HUSH DONALD, OKAY I'LL JUST SAY IT, WE ARE MAKING THE LITTLE MERMAID!" Daisy announced.
"Okay," everyone in the room mumbled.
"Why is no one fucking excited?!" Asked Daisy angrily.
"Because all of our movies have sucked recently!" Goofy said.
"WELL THIS ONE WON'T!"
"How do you know?!" Asked another person.
"GET OFF MY BACK, IT'S NOT LIKE I KNOW THE FUTURE OR SOMETHING!" Daisy screamed.
"No one said you did."
"Okay well anyhow I know it will be successful because it is a princess movie and princess movies do well!"
"Oh yeah I suppose you're right, why have our retarded asses not thought about that since 1959?!" Asked Ludwig.
"I didn't know it seemed so obvious!" Daisy giggled, "well start making it because bitch there literally isn't any furniture in this studio we're so broke!"
That night Donald and Daisy had Ludwig come by to make an invention that blocks out all sounds from outside so that they didn't have to hear everyone screaming their asses off all night long.
"Goodnight sweetie," Daisy said, crawling into bed.
"I am so pissed off at Daffy, he is ruining everything!" Donald pouted.
"I know but just think about the people in... well honestly the 80s is pretty chill so your life kinda does suck the most!"
"Daisy, you know what I was thinking..."
"No I don't," Daisy smiled.
"How about you go outside of Daffy's house and start filming, then I go in, shoot a bullet loud enough to hear from outside, have Daffy chase me, and run away from him with a fake bullet wound on my head!"
"NO!" Daisy screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Why?!" Donald screamed back, but not as fucking loud because he didn't want his vocal cords to explode like hers.
"Um..." Daisy thought for like a full awkward fifteen seconds before saying, "it may seem too obvious!"
"I was thinking that too!"
"Okay good, now let's go to bed!"
"We can think of another plan though!"
"NO!"
"Stop screaming I'm go fucking deaf!"
"Oh sorry, it's just that I actually think we should do anything to get back at Daffy!"
"Why?!"
"Um..." Daisy took another fifteen seconds, "wanna take some vodka shots!"
"Don't change the subject, but okay!"
Now that Donald was drunk it was easier to persuade him.
"It's just that I think we should be the bigger people!"
"Wouldn't Daffy look better than us though!"
"TAKE ANOTHER SHOT OF VODKA!"
The next morning Daisy came downstairs to see Donald on the floor after consuming eight shots of vodka.
"MORNING!"
"OW!"
"That was a good talk last night!"
"What were we talking about?"
"Why we shouldn't try to accuse Daffy of anything!"
"Oh yeah, why did we decide that again?"
"I can't remember, but we were very confident about it so I think we should just make sure not to do it!"
Donald continued on listening to all of the people getting mad at him outside and every time they would do this he would throw a temper tantrum that would only make him look more violent. This went on for months before eventually people began to calm down the aggression, but there was still a general dislike for Donald that seemed to linger on. This gave Daisy the boost of confidence she wanted, but it was also at this point that she began to feel a little bit guilty. However, she knew that she could never admit to that because then it would feel like all of this was being done for nothing. Daisy however couldn't even bother with Donald's issues because she was busy focusing on the production of the Little Mermaid and making sure it went exactly according to plan to ensure that it would be a big hit. Donald was also very active in the movie's production, to the point that it was able to keep him from thinking about the problems going on with Daffy. Production of the Little Mermaid continued on until the end of 1988 and Daisy decided that she was going to use every bit of money she could to market the shit out of it. She announced the movie at the inauguration of George Bush's daddy and from there you couldn't live in 1989 without seeing the Little Mermaid everywhere. Actresses dressed as Ariel would swim all around the ocean and appear on beaches to talk to little kids (this went badly one time though when a shark ate one of the actresses alive right in front of a little girl), there was merchandise everywhere including clothes, toys, beach towels, Taylor Swift's parents conceived her on one of those, and Daisy did countless interviews about how this was the year Disney would return and how it was going to be perfect. And bitch it was. The Little Mermaid made five billion dollars in its opening day alone, with it continuing to have similar success in the weeks and months to come. Everyone was talking about it, everyone was singing the songs, everyone was buying the merchandise, it was beautiful.
"All this for me!" Ariel said proudly.
"Cunt please, this is for me, go drown yourself," Daisy laughed.
The little mermaid stayed in theaters for a full year and made a grand total of $100,000,000,000,000,000 in that time. People completely forgot about the movies of the past two decades, because the Disney Renaissance had begun. The money came flying into the studio so quickly that people hardly even knew what to do with it, but everyone was excited. It felt like the days of Walt being in charge with how successful everything was becoming, but this was a renaissance after all. And a place where a lot of this money was going was Donald and Daisy's vault, so the two of them ended up spending a fun amount of time there. The first night where Donald and Daisy fucked each other in the fresh and crisp new dollars of the vault was an incredible one.
"HOLY SHIT THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!" Donald screamed.
"I LOVE FEELING RICH AGAIN!"
"IT FEELS LIKE IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!"
"IT HAS, HASN'T IT!"
"YES IT HAS!"
Donald and Daisy began making out before Donald had to ruin the mood a bit.
"I just wish everything was truly perfect!" He frowned as Daisy rolled her eyes.
Daisy was on top of the fucking world at the moment in terms of fame, as she was considered to be the true hero of the Little Mermaid and Disney Renaissance story. Donald was also being looked at in a much more positive light than before, but he just wasn't quite at the level of Daisy since people still were not over the Daffy attack.
"It is truly perfect," Daisy smiled.
"Not for me, people still can't get over that dumbass Daffy situation!"
"That's not true, people hardly talk about it anymore!"
"They may not talk about it, but there still is an angry feeling that people have against me and I know what it is coming from!"
"That's true!" Daisy stated.
"Yes, it is true," Donald agreed before saying, "Daisy I'm not gonna lie, you aren't the most helpful person when it comes to this, no offense."
"Well of course I'm not Donald, I'm not a person, I'm a duck!"
"Oh my God what?!"
"Just kidding!"
"It's just that me shooting Daffy has really affected my life and it is making me upset that you don't seem to care!"
"I do care Donald, but maybe we should change the subject."
"Change the subject?!"
"Yes, I mean what, do you want to keep talking about Daffy, I thought we were vault fucking over here!"
"And we can vault fuck in a second but I feel like talking first!"
"Donald we aren't gonna talk about Daffy while we have sex though!" Daisy laughed.
"I know that, what the hell I never said we were!"
"My mistake!"
"That's fine, I think, I honestly am confused about what exactly it is we're talking about!"
"We were about to have sex!" Daisy said seductively.
"Oh yeah, Daffy..."
"So I say sex and it makes you think about Daffy, kinda fruity bro!"
"Okay you know what fine, maybe I am just being over dramatic, this is an amazing moment for the studio and I think that it is going great for me!"
"Me too, I love the Disney Renaissance!"
And to keep the Disney Renaissance train pumping, Daisy made sure that production on Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin and the Lion King and the Really Hot Native American were moving along as well. Also the made the sequel to the Rescuers but whatever, "it's an underrated classic", yeah congrats but it will never truly be part of the Disney Renaissance and Daisy is a staunch defender of that. Two years after the Little Mermaid came out and shattered the world with its success, there came an even greater one with the release of Beauty and the Beast. This movie made double the amount of the Little Mermaid and became a huge pop culture phenomenon as well. Chicks all over the planet dumped their boyfriends and went out into the woods in search of castles ruled by big hairy men that would become both their captors and lovers. After Beauty and the Beast did beautifully well, Daisy also decided that this was the time to create a new part of the company.
"DONALD AND I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST TO BROADWAY!" Daisy announced on a speaker that went out to the studio.
"Ew, like theater kids?!" Asked Clarabelle.
"No not like theater kids, this musical is going to be played by very talented actors and singers, and there is going to be a gigantic budget to really showcase the pose of the production, and it is going to make us a lot of money and be the greatest thing that Broadway has ever seen!"
"We are going to have so much money!" Donald jumped up and down next to Daisy.
"We sure are, now let's go and hire some fairies to make this thing!"
Donald and Daisy put some of their focus on this upcoming live on stage musical masterpiece, but they also had to pay attention to the next success story that would was coming up fast as fuck too. Aladdin was released just a year after Beauty and the Beast and made double the money of that.
"Robin Williams is really good in it," the consensus was.
"My idea!" Daisy reminded people.
The amount of money that these movies were making was so insane that the ducks or anyone else working for them felt like they could barely even take it. This was more money than they had even been making during the early days with Walt, this was a success story that was so strong and so quick that it was unlike pretty much anything that had previously happened in the history of life on earth. And this was even before the Lion King which Donald and Daisy knew was going to cause an atomic bomb level explosion of triumph, even though, in keeping with history because Mickey and Minnie were convinced this would be the case, mainly because Mickey thought she was so hot, they put all the losers on the Lion King and the good people on Pocahontas because I guess people thought Pocahontas would be better.
"HURRY UP AND MAKE THE MOVIE, THIS NEEDS TO COME OUT SOON SO WE HAVE MORE PROFIT THAN GOD!" Daisy screamed at the Lion King crew.
"But I thought this was the movie that's making less money," a Lion Kinger said.
"STOP YELLING AT ME!"
"You two seem to care more about this production than Pocahontas's!"
"Well that's because we aren't racist!" Donald said.
"What?!"
"NOTHING, Pocahontas will be more successful than the Lion King, we can't see the future, Pocahontas is winning best picture!" Daisy reassured them unsuspiciously.
"I actually like Pocahontas more than the Lion King!" Donald said when they were alone.
"It does have a better soundtrack!"
"And it would have been more deserving for best picture than Braveheart, that movie is cringe, Game of Thrones is better, and it has the weaker Mel Gibson performance!"
"Donald, we are so in touch with pop culture!"
One morning Daisy was hanging out with the Olsen Twins, whose spoiled asses were at Disney World the fortieth time that week, when Mortimer popped up.
"Hi Daisy!"
"Oh thank God, act like you're forcing me to leave, I can't spend another second with these perfect little snowflakes who I want dead!"
"Daisy has to leave," Mortimer told the Olsen Twins.
"BUT WE WANT HER TO STAY, WE WANT THAT, WE WANT THAT, WE WANT THAT, WE WANT THAT!"
"Your parents need to slap you!" Daisy screamed.
Daisy and Mortimer closed the park down because Daisy is allowed to do that and she wanted everyone to fuck off. Once it was just Daisy and Mortimer they went to the roof of Cinderella's castle and smoked some pot before talking about Donald and Daffy.
"So are you still the most famous?!"
"I think so!"
"Well good, because you deserve it!"
"Oh stop it you silly goose!"
"I won't stop because I think that that is perfect!"
"Although it's not like how it was when it first went down!"
"Well that makes sense, I mean people can't talk about the actual shooting event forever like it just happened, but as long as it keeps Donald at least a little controversial then that is good enough!"
"But the major issue is that Daffy has gone down in popularity, Disney is doing so well that the Looney Tunes hardly exist at the moment, so Daffy is just kind of known as the duck Donald shot once, and it's making people feel not as upset with him," Daisy explained.
"Well shit, then maybe he is doing just as good as you!"
"No he's not, I can truly feel it, during the whole Disney Renaissance there has been more respect towards me as opposed to him!"
"If you say so!"
"I do," Daisy thought for a minute, "how do you feel about all of this?"
"All of what?!"
"What we did to Donald, do you ever feel bad about it?!"
"No?!"
"Well it makes me feel sometimes, even though I like it!"
"Don't feel bad?!"
"It's just that maybe I took this too far, I hurt Donald's career!"
"I can't believe you are talking like this!"
"Why do you even care if I am more popular than Donald anyway, it doesn't benefit you!"
"Well I know what it's like to feel unimportant, Walt made me feel that and Minnie did too, so I want to support you!"
"You know I think I shouldn't talk about regretting this!"
"Good, and we just need to get Donald in more trouble again, this Disney Renaissance is too good a look for him!"
"How are we gonna get him in more trouble!"
"We just have to get Daffy more famous again, then people will start to love him and think about when Donald shot him and hate him again!"
"Okay good idea, but how can Daffy become famous again?"
In April 1994 Beauty and the Beast premiered on Broadway at the Palace Theater. The event was of course very fucking popular, with people thrilled that they would be able to see Beauty and the Beast in front of their very eyes. The show had a million people there and this old ass theater did not have enough seats to cover everyone so a lot of people had to sit on the floor and on each other's lap. A bunch of famous faces were there, including Michael Jackson, Princess Diana and Charles and Camilla, and Daffy Duck, who Daisy anonymously invited in an attempt at getting him more famous.
"What the fuck, who invited him?!" Donald said when he saw Daffy sitting in one of the things that Lincoln got shot in, I don't feel like looking up what they're called right now.
"I don't know but I'm pissed!" Daisy said convincingly.
At intermission Daisy followed Daffy into the bathroom.
"THIS IS THE MENS!"
"I'm trans, listen Daffy, are people excited that you are here?!"
"No they aren't, barely anyone is taking to me, I am famous for fucks sake!"
"You sure are famous, so maybe try to get a ton of attention out there or something!"
"I wish you weren't trans, you were so pretty as a girl!"
"Daffy are you retar... never mind of course you are, I am not a fucking tranny, it was a joke, oh but wow you think I'm pretty that makes me blush!" Daisy said all bashfully.
"I wanna lick your cunt!"
"Oh my God, okay wow well anyway just try to get attention or something out there!"
"Why do you want me to do that?!"
"Because it would be so entertaining!"
"But I thought you wanted me to leave the company alone!"
"I do, but I also am just very empathetic and I would love for you to have some attention!"
"But I'm feeling lazy these days, okay now bye I want to get some coke from a dealer I know outside, it will make act two very fun!"
Daffy walked out while Daisy looked pissed and told a security guard, "there's a coke dealer outside by the way."