The Original Ducksekeeter

Chapter 33: First Comes Divorce, Then Comes Marriage

Donald and Daisy both moved out of the house and continued with the plan of keeping it just for events or if they would want to stay there for a few nights, but never during the same time. The two of them didn't want there to be a trial even though everyone else at the studio wanted one because that would be the trial of the year, and this was the year of the O.J. Trial. But Donald and Daisy were both so pissed off at everything that they decided to just sign the papers as fast as they could and get through with it. But no matter what, the divorce was still a massive event. Daisy's plan to be more loved also turned out to be a failure because now her and Donald were more divided in the public eye than ever with everyone picking sides on who they liked more. Daisy tried to see if more people were Team Daisy but it was hard to tell. Donald gained a lot of backlash for strangling Daisy and many were mad because he also started the fight, or at least that's one some people thought. Some saw Daisy as the one who really caused the fight because she wouldn't leave Donald alone.
"SO WHAT HE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO SLAP ME!" Daisy complained when people on the street yelled at her about this.
Also people from outside recorded Daisy's entire fucking monologue of a meltdown and some people were less than thrilled about what she had to say in it. Daisy had hoped that more people would take her side in the fight because no matter what the man usually takes all the heat when domestic violence is involved, but Daisy fought back so aggressively that she couldn't really play the victim card all too much. The two were equally in danger during the fight. Daisy regretted how she acted during it, and if she knew people were outside filming it she definitely would have tried all helpless, and maybe even tried to make it look like Donald was raping her somehow. Donald on that note loved that he wasn't getting all the blame for the fight, and actually since this seemed like the one and only time a woman actually fought the man as well, not everyone looked at them equally in the fight, a lot of people just took Donald's side for the simple reason that they could without getting in too much trouble. This was one of the main reasons why Daisy wanted this divorce done quickly and so a week after the disagreement Donald and Daisy went to Cinderella's castle in a live TV event that featured musical performances from hit singers like No Doubt and Madonna, parades, and a firework show, all of which ended with Donald and Daisy signing a divorce paper and leaving in the span of less than thirty seconds. The divorce almost single handedly ended the Disney Renaissance because nobody gave a rat's ass about Pocahontas, outside of talking about how sexy she is and that Colors of the Wind is a banger, and just went on and on about the ducks when speaking about the studio.
"Well I'm just happy the studio is getting attention!" Daisy was telling Pete one night he was at her house, Daisy still wanted to date.
"Pete!"
"Yes you are Pete you are so smart!" Daisy smiled before turning around to roll her eyes.
"I WANT TO FUCK YOU!"
"Okay well use some goddamn manners, I am a lady for Christ's sake!"
"I hear people coming up to the house, I'm Pete!"
"THE FUCK?!"
Daisy turned around to see cops breaking the door down and arresting Daisy.
"OH MY GOD DAISY ARE YOU A PROSTITUTE?!" Pete asked.
"NO PETE I AM NOT A FUCKING PROSTITUTE, WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT PAID TO BE ONE!"
"THEN WHY ARE YOU GETTING ARRESTED?!"
"THAT IS A GOOD FUCKING QUESTION, BITCH WHY AM I GETTING ARRESTED?!" Daisy yelled at the cops.
"DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CHARGES!"
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"
"SAY HI TO MY WIFE FOR ME AT THE STATION!" Pete yelled as Daisy got taken out.
Daisy was driven down to the police station and placed in a room with Donald.
"Both of you have been charged with domestic violence and are in big trouble because domestic violence is one of today's hottest topics!"
"Well I'm a woman and Donald started it so I don't see why I'm even here!"
"Because bitch you kicked me down the staircase!"
"You busted my forehead open on the staircase, these stitches I have on aren't for fashion purposes, MOTHER FUCK I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND HIM, I WANT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM BECAUSE HE'S VIOLENT AND STUFF!"
"You can't have a restraining order because that won't work for your punishment, you two have to work together on some new projects for the Disney Company together so you can work it out!"
"Okay this is some bullshit, we get arrested for attacking each other and now you want us to work together and fucking work it out?!"
"Yep, now we have already come up with the projects, the hip new Donald and Daisy Duck Club called DDDC and Quack Pack!"
Donald and Daisy never had to work on MMC, which was the Mickey Mouse Club that had several future A-Listers as well as some rando named Nikki, so they didn't know if it was gonna suck, but considering that Britney Spears was there as a spoiled teenager neither of their hopes were very high. However Quack Pack they knew about very well. The two of them had to do it originally also as a form of community service after they "accidentally" ran over Mickey's grandma with a car, but she was knocking on death's door anyway, and they absolutely hated it. In the show Huey, Dewey, and Louie are bratty and retarded teenagers and Donald and Daisy have to go on stupid adventures with them. Minnie even made sure to make it the project that Daisy had the most screen time in compared to anything before or after just to piss her off and make her career look stupid. The ducks assumed they didn't have to make this dumbass show since they weren't planning on having community service, but it must just be fate or whatever. Donald and Daisy left the police station pissed as hell.
"Well I guess we're gonna be on Quack Pack!" Donald stated.
"Don't talk to me, get away from me!"
"Oh calm down drama queen, I'm just making conversation!"
"No you are being stupid!" Daisy screamed, getting all up in Donald's face.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH, back off I don't want you to hurt me again!"
"Shut up, in case you didn't notice both of us are in trouble!"
"I did notice that's why I said I guess we're gonna be on Quack Pack!"
"You are annoying, bye Felisha!"
Donald and Daisy couldn't believe that they now had to fucking work together again by law, but they were at least excited because at least this made their public perception less divided since now they weren't apart. But Donald and Daisy absolutely hated working on these shows. While it was of course terrible that they were together, just the shows alone were awful. DDDC was fucking hell on earth because the cast sucked. Teenage Britney Spears was a fucking brat who caused as much drama as possible, picking fights with Christina Aguilera, and hitting on Justin Timberlake whose retard ass actually thought she was in love with him when really she was just starting shit.
"DONALD I ACTUALLY HATE WORKING ON THIS SHOW MORE THAN I HATE YOU!" Daisy screamed at Donald during a filming break.
"Justin is so fucking annoying, he thinks he's so cool, and he is not, and Christina is pissing me off too why does she act so nice, she's so fake, Ryan Gosling is a pick me, and no wonder this Nikki bitch doesn't become anyone, talent missed her at the door, her mom must have fucked the director or something!"
Also Quack Pack was terrible. Huey, Dewey, and Louie all had to take pills to age them into teenagers to shoot the show and while they already sucked ass they were now more annoying than fucking ever. Also the production on both of these shows was very different from other departments of the studio, since the people who would work on shit like Quack Pack were on a much lower status, so they didn't treat Donald and Daisy with all the respect they deserve.
"We are filming this scene out here!" One of the directors said to Daisy one day.
"It is burning hot so I refuse!"
"Well I'm the director!"
"BITCH I OWN THE FUCKING STUDIO, IN FACT YOU ARE FIRED BITCH!"
Donald and Daisy got so bored and also since they were in such close quarters it was only a matter of time before they started fucking again. They still hated each other of course but good lord they wanted to touch each other.
"I HAVE MISSED YOUR PUSSY YOU FUCKING CUNT!"
"WELL I HAVE MISSED YOUR COCK YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH RETARD DIPSHIT ASS!"
"DAISY I WANT TO FUCK YOUR BITCH ASS IN THE VAULT TONIGH!"
"OKAY FAGGOT LET'S DO IT!"
"DAMN STRAIGHT WHORE!"
That night Donald and Daisy went to the vault to fuck for the first time in months, but of course paparazzi snapped a trillion pictures of them. When Donald and Daisy returned to the DDDC set the next day Britney began yelling at them!"
"YOU TWO ARE FUCKING AGAIN?!"
"Yeah we're fucking!" Donald stated.
"But you're divorced!" Justin pointed out.
"Okay well no where in the divorce papers did it say we couldn't still fuck!" Daisy reminded them.
"I STILL HATE THIS BITCH THOUGH!"
"AND I STILL FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE DONALD, and Britney you listen here, I can see your future and you are going to be a total slut so don't question my perfection you goddamn hypocrite!"
Another person who didn't seem to agree that divorce doesn't mean you still can't fuck was Mortimer.
"Daisy what the fuck are you doing with him?!" He asked.
"Mortimer you are starting to piss my ass off, you ruin my marriage with Donald and then say I can't fuck him?!"
"I did not ruin your marriage!"
"Oh please yes you did, you have some weird fetish with me being more famous and I think there is something up!"
"I'm just caring!"
"Nice try!"
"Okay well Daisy if I'm being honest I just like you a whole bunch so I wanna see you successful!"
"Someone else is jealous of Donald," Daisy said sexually.
"Oh Jesus!"
Daisy leaned in and kissed Mortimer right on the mouth.
"So now you're cheating?"
"I'm not a married woman, but I'm also not fucking you because you ruined that marriage!"
"Well considering that all of this has happened you might as well accept it and continue with my new plan!"
"Absolutely not Mortimer you are fucking stupid, and also no offense but that giant ass nose of yours is a turn off!"
"People are more mad at you than they have ever been with all of this divorce drama and the fact that you abused Donald..."
"I did not abuse him but whatever!"
"And now people are going to be even more confused when they see you two fucking, I think that you might as well go on with the plan you originally had with Daffy!"
"I AM NOT GOING TO MARRY DAFFY!"
"Why the hell not?!"
"He is fucking stupid!"
"Okay but now you are away from Donald, Daffy clearly is obsessed with you, just go ahead and make it Daffy and Daisy and get the fame from that!"
"Oh my God Mortimer this is so stupid, and I hardly planned this, I came up with that plan on a whim and instantly regretted it!"
"Just marry him Daisy!"
"Hell no!"
Daisy got in her car and began driving home, when she began thinking about what she had to lose and that being divorced is lame and how maybe it actually would help her fame, and ended up driving down to Daffy's house. Daisy rang the doorbell and Daffy opened it, loudly moaning when he saw who was at the door.
"Will you marry me?"
"YES!"
Daffy jumped into Daisy's arms and began making out with her.
"Where's the ring?!"
"Well I thought you could just get the one that looked nicest to you, and buy it with your own money!"
"That is so thoughtful!"
The next night when Donald and Daisy were vault fucking Daisy mentioned, "I'm marrying Daffy btw!"
Donald stopped and backed off.
"Bitch are you fucking stupid!"
"Donald, Mortimer and I have decided..."
"I swear to God Mortimer is so fucking weird, he wants to fuck you or something!"
"Well I did make out with him a little yesterday too!"
"WHAT?!"
"But that's beside the point, Mortimer and I have decided marrying Daffy will make me look more positive and make you less famous because it is Daffy and Daisy!"
"How is marrying the guy you cheated on me with going to give you a better public perspective than me!"
"Because we have abuse in our past and the first to get married will have their attention go to that and the other will just be seen as the one who was abusive, and it makes more sense for you because you're a man!"
"Well then I will just go and get married myself!"
"Sure you will!"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean!"
"It means that I am the only one who can handle your dumbass temper tantrums and speech disorder!"
"OH FUCK YOU'RE RIGHT, TAKE ME BACK, WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!"
"YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTED THIS DIVORCE NOT ME, SO TOO LATE, NOW COME ON CAN WE KEEP FUCKING OR WHAT?!"
So they fucked for the rest of the night but Donald had a pouty face the whole time while Daisy laughed because she isn't a single loser.
By the grace of God Quack Pack had shit ratings and got canceled after one season, while DDDC got canceled after Britney and Justin's sex tape leaked, so Daisy was able to just focus on her and Daffy's fairytale wedding. Okay well Daisy actually didn't do much, Daffy was the one who was planning most of this shit. Daffy planned for the wedding to be at Westminster Abbey because he felt that their wedding needed to be one of royalty standards. Daffy also planned for there to be the Armadillo Cake from his favorite movie Steel Magnolias and for him and Daisy to cruise around the world as their honeymoon. This takes half a year to do, which Daisy was really not looking forward to because six months alone with Daffy in foreign countries sounded like a prison sentence, but she decided that this would help her for the rest of their marriage. He also continued talking about having as many kids as possible. Daffy even started trying with Daisy but and she ended up getting pregnant multiple times, but she aborted every single one of them and pretended that they were miscarriages. Daffy also paid every adoption agency in the country to not accept a baby from her and Daffy because she did not need an Angelina Jolie level zoo of illegal children (or kids whose parents gave them up whatever). Daisy was being rewarded however with the fact that her plan seemed to be working. People were excited that her and Daffy were getting together and people were actually getting mad at Donald and saying that he was abusive and she had no chance but to leave him.
"THIS IS SUCH FUCKING BULLSHIT!" Donald screamed at Goofy.
"HAHA, SOMEONE IS SINGLE!"
"GOOFY SUCH YOUR ASS UP AND GIVE ME HEROIN, I WANT TO DIE!"
"Donald, I think you're being a bit dramatic!"
"DAISY IS MARRYING DAFFY FUCKING DUCK I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE DRAMATIC!"
Ludwig walked in and began taking Goofy's heroin before saying, "Donald you need to just get yourself a new wife!"
"But Daisy is the only one who can handle me, damn I should have thought this whole divorce thing out more, there are a lot more problems than I thought there'd be!"
"Just find a gold digger!" Ludwig suggested.
"That's true!"
Donald, Goofy, and Ludwig drove to several homeless shelters and Donald began proposing to everyone there, but everyone denied because of Donald's temper.
"SON OF A FUCKING BITCH I HATE ALL OF YOU!"
Donald became severely depressed and now refused to even be involved in the studio because he was so pissed about everything, leading to Daisy officially getting her plan done properly. This was also the moment when two of Donald's gay amigos decided that this would be a great moment for them.
"HOLA, COMO ESTAS!"
It was Panchito and José, the Latino birds that worked with Donald in the movie the Three Caballeros. Donald only did this movie because he did it in the Mickey and Minnie timeline and it was the most successful thing from the studio during WWII, but he hated doing it because he had to film in nasty ass Mexico and Brazil and didn't even fuck all the hot women there because he was faithful unlike his wife. However, Panchito and José had nothing else going on in their careers so they were hoping that Donald would reunite with them and they could go on tours and shit. The two of them would attempt some tours by themselves but nobody showed up to any of them, so they needed Donald to join them. Donald would usually say fuck no but now that he was all depressed the two of them thought he would be a little bit easier to convince.
"HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY!" José yelled in his thick Brazilian accent.
"GET A FUCKING SPEECH THERAPIST SPIC!"
"BRUH YOU ARE ONE TO TALK!" Panchito then pulled a pistol out and shot at Donald, barely missing him.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"Donald, are you depressed?"
"Yes!"
"Well I know what could make you happier!"
"No you don't!"
"Joining the two of us and becoming the Three Caballeros again!"
Donald shot up some heroin and said, "OH MY GOD, okay fine."
"WE KNEW YOU'D SAY YES!"
Panchito and José put Donald in a bag, just to really make sure he was going with them, and went down to Mexico. It was really easy to get Donald in because they just told the people at the border that drugs were in the bag.
"Oh my God, Donald what are you fucking doing?!" Daisy asked when she saw commercials of the Three Caballeros having a reunion tour that would perform in every Spanish speaking country, as well as a backstage clip of Donald practicing by taking all the drugs Mexico had to offer, "wow I really make a strong impact on his life!" Daisy smiled.
The first show of the tour went fucking terribly. Even though every single person in Mexico showed up to see them, Donald ruined everything by stumbling out high as a kite and screaming several Latino and other people slurs into the crowd.
"Donald sing one of our songs," José suggested.
"NIGGA I DON'T KNOW NONE OF YO SONGS, I SPEAK A REAL LANGUAGE!"
However the concert still gave Panchito and José some sort of attention so they dealt with it.
"Okay Donald, time to hit the road!" Panchito screamed the next morning.
"Okay fine but I am sleeping on the tour bus!"
"We aren't taking a tour bus!"
"Okay the plane then, whatever we're taking!"
"We're taking a donkey!"
"You have gotta be shitting me!"
But the three of them Caballeros really were taking a fucking donkey, and not even three, only one that they all crowded onto.
"THIS IS FUCKING STUPID!"
"We're broke!" The other two explained.
"Didn't you drive me over here!"
"No, we took the donkey!"
"Well I guess this is how my life's going!"
The donkey moved so fucking slow right through the hot fucking deserts of Mexico. It was going so damn slow that they ended up missing five of their tour dates. After a whole week of making hardly any progress on the retarded ass ass (get it) Donald suddenly went on a fucking rampage. He grabbed one of Panchito's pistols, shot Panchito, José, and the donkey to death, and began running around the small Mexican village that looked like it hadn't changed since the 1700s or whenever Mexico started up, and laid across the floor screaming violently. In ToonTown this would have gotten Donald a bunch of attention but in this town nobody really gave a fuck and just ignored him. Donald calmed down enough to want to drink some tequila and went in search of a bar. While looking though Donald almost fell to the floor in shock when he saw the creature in front of him fetching a pail of water for her donkey. It was a duck that looked just like Daisy, it could have been her identical twin.
"MEXICAN DAISY!" Donald screamed with excitement.
Donald ran up to Mexican Daisy and introduced himself.
"Hola, soy Donald Duck!"
"Hola, mi nombre es Donna Duck y estoy muy feliz de conocerte. Qué día tan maravilloso estamos teniendo, ¿no?"
"Bitch I have no idea what you just said but we are getting married!"
Donald got on one knee and proposed so that Donna Duck could get the hint.
"SI!"
"SI, SI MEANS YES, OKAY BABY WE ARE RUBBING THIS ONE IN DAISY'S CUNTY FACE TIL THE COWS COME HOME!"
Donald and Donna hopped on Donna's donkey and the three of them went back to ToonTown. This was a long journey but it was okay because the two of them were preoccupied with fucking the shit out of each other. Donna had almost as good of a pussy as Daisy, and Donald didn't understand a word she said so she didn't have the complaining aspect of Daisy either.
Donna was also a drug dealer so the two of them got high, she was perfect. Donald and Donna walked into the studio and Donald forced people to film them with him saying, "while in Mexico with Panchito and José, who have also mysteriously disappeared, I met the love of my life Donna Duck and we are getting married on whatever day Daffy and Daisy have planned because I want this to be the duckiest wedding day of all time.
"DONALD I FUCKING HATE YOU!" Daisy screamed the second they started fucking in the vault.
"HAHA SUCKS TO SUCK!"
"I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU'VE REPLACED ME WITH SOME MEXICAN KNOCKOFF!"
"WELL I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE FUCKING MARRYING DAFFY DUCK SO NOW WE'RE EVEN!"
"I WILL CHANGE THE DATE!"
"SO WILL I!"
"I WILL INVITE QUEEN ELIZABETH!"
"I'LL INVITE CLINTON!"
"I'LL INVITE TONYA HARDING!"
"I WILL BURN WESTMINSTER ABBEY TO THE FUCKING GROUND BITCH!"
"DONNA DUCK IS A LOSER!"
"OH WHAT BECAUSE DAFFY IS SO FUN TO BE AROUND, WHEN I FUCK DONNA AT LEAST SHE FEELS GOOD AND DOESN'T USE A DILDO!"
"DONALD THIS IS NOT FAIR, NOBODY WAS SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU BUT ME!"
"WELL THE MEXICAN KNOCKOFF IS DOING JUST FINE!"
"I AM DEPORTING HER ASS!"
"PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU'RE RACIST!"
"CAN WE JUST FUCK PLEASE?!"
Daisy tried as hard as she could to get Donald to change the wedding date but he refused.
"Tootsie pop, why don't we just change the date?"
"DAFFY ARE YOU FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS?!"
"I don't know!"
"IF WE CHANGE THE DATE IT WOULD MEAN DONALD WON, AND WE HAVE ALSO HAD THIS DATE SCHEDULED LONGER AND WE'VE ALREADY PROMOTED IT AND SHIT!"
"But what if this is like when the Daffy Duck Movie came out the same day as Robin Hood!"
"WELL THE ONE WITH DAFFY WAS MORE FAMOUS SO WE ARE SET!"
"But Mexican Daisy is a hit!"
"No she is not!"
"Yes she is, she's newer, hotter, and funnier because of the accent!"
"She looks just like me though!"
"The Latin twist does a lot!"
"Daffy, how dare you say this to me, I am about to be your wife damnit!"
"Well if you look just like Mexican Daisy doesn't that mean any compliments to her are also compliments to you?!"
"No, I don't have the same Latin flare... at least for now!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm gonna start using a Mexican accent!"
"Don't be ridiculous!"
"Not as thick as the chica out there, but just enough for people to notice!"
"That's not a good idea!"
"WELL DAFFY I AM ON THIN FUCKING ICE, DONALD IS WITH A HOTTER VERSION OF ME WHO COULD COMPLETELY OVERTAKE ME AND I AM STUCK WITH YOUR ASS, MY FAME IS OVER, WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAA!" She sobbed.
Donna Duck truly was a hit. She graced the cover of every magazine, was all over the news, and was loved by all (except Daisy of course). Donald could not believe how lucky he got, and just when his life seemed like it had turned completely horrible. And the best part to him was how much this was going to piss Daisy off because his wedding was absolutely looking to become the more hyped up event. Donald also planned for the event to be at the newly launched Disney Cruise, which really made it feel like an event for the studio as well, unlike Daisy's wedding that was just in stupid ass London. Everyone in the world who was important decided to go on the Disney Cruise wedding with Donald, many of whom cancelled going to Daffy and Daisy's wedding, which meant that everyone at their wedding would be fucking lame.
"MORTIMER I FUCKING HATE DONALD!" Daisy was bitching one night, "AND DAFFY IS NO FUCKING HELP, ALL HE DOES IS ACT ALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND IT IS FUCKING ANNOYING!"
"Donna is really fucking hot!"
"MORTIMER ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!"
"YES I AM, HAVE YOU SEEN HER?!"
"EVERYWHERE I FUCKING GO, I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THAT BITCH!"
"You just have to find a way to make your wedding more popular than Donald and Donna's!"
"Okay well how the fuck am I doing that, I don't know what to fucking do anymore!"
"Well last night I was thinking that I may have a plan!"
"WHAT?!"
"I murder Daffy in the middle of the wedding!"
"Mortimer that is fucking crazy, let's do it!"
"Really, I wasn't even that sure!"
"Anything to get me attention at this point, plus Daffy being dead can get me sympathy and I also want him dead anyway!"
"Okay so right after he says I do to til death do us part I will part the two of you, I'll be in disguise and pop out of the audience and shoot him!"
"Perfect, well maybe not perfect but we are doing it!"
As both weddings approached everyone in the world was torn by who was going to whose wedding and which one was more exciting. Annoyingly to Daisy and beautifully to Donald a lot of people said they were more excited for the Donald and Donna one. However Daisy was still okay with this because she knew how popular her wedding would be after what would occur. She watched on TV as millions of people crowded onto the Disney Cruise, to the point that it was tilting over and looked like it could fucking sink, and get ready to watch the retarded wedding of Donald and Daisy's Mexican Doppelgänger. As Daisy watched she put on her own sexy wedding dress which she wanted to fucking burn when she saw that the dress Donna had on looked hotter and showed more cleavage, while Daisy's looked like a fucking pillow case. Daffy wanted Daisy to wear the same dress his stupid mom and grandma and great grandma and great great grandma wore but Daisy refused because it looked way too old and didn't look pretty enough on her figure. But she compromised by having a modern looking version of the same thing that at least made it look like she wasn't living in the 1700s. But the dress still did not work.
Daisy came marching downstairs while Daffy began screaming.
"I CAN'T SEE YOU IN THE DRESS IT IS BAD LUCK!"
"Well Daffy I will take on anything with you!" She said romantically, as Daffy then kissed her and Daisy rolled her eyes the whole way through.
Daffy and Daisy arrived at Westminster Abbey to find C-list celebs and some hobos awaiting them for the beautiful wedding.
"SERIOUSLY, I AM DAISY FUCKING DUCK, I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!"
The Queen showed up too but she left after Daffy kicked her hand instead of kissing it.
"SHE TASTES LIKE ROYALTY!"
"Daffy, that is so silly!" Daisy screamed trying not to lose her shit.
The wedding music began and Daffy and Daisy walked down the aisle together. Daisy never met her dad and Daffy insisted that he walk her down because he was her daddy.
"I'm your daddy, McMuffin!" He whispered repeatedly as they walked down.
"You sure are!" Daisy said, trying not to gag.
Suddenly this really fucking old British priest came out and stuttered, "we gather here today for the wedding of Daffy and Donna Duck!"
"Um actually I'm Daisy, Donna is the less talented bitch brownie cunt who isn't me!" She explained.
"What, I was told that Donna would be here, now I am fucking pissed!"
"Okay well you're a priest so you are completely celibate, outside of little boys, so just calm down!"
"Bitch don't speak to me that way, anyhow, do you take this man to be your husband, til death do you part and stuff!"
"I do!" Daisy smiled, anxious for the shots about to be fired.
"And Daffy do you take not the sexy Latina to be your wife, for richer or the poorer, for strength and for happiness, for love and for joy..." this old mother fucker would not stop yapping and bitch he would talk real damn slow too, "til death..."
Daisy closed her eyes with excitement and heard screams. At first she of course assumed this was Daffy getting shot but then suddenly something pushed her to the fucking ground. She opened her eyes to see the fucking Disney Cruise ship had crashed into Westminister Abbey. Everyone ran out screaming as Donald and Donna jumped off the ship.
"Oh my gosh we crashed, and look at the party we crashed into!"
"DONALD ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!" Daisy screamed as she was currently being crushed by part of the ship that came off during the collision.
"Then by the power invested in me..." the fucking old priest didn't even seem to fucking notice anything happened he was so senile. Daisy looked to see that Daffy was still fucking alive and that the two were still getting hitched. Mortimer was also crushed under something, but the gun was still in reach. Daisy motioned to Mortimer to get fucking going which he attempted to the best of his ability. "I now pronounce you husband and wife," then suddenly the priest got shot in the face, as Mortimer missed his aim and then passed out on the rubble of the cruise ship.
"YAY DAISY WE ARE MARRIED!"
"Thank God!" Daisy groaned sarcastically, which Daffy fell for because he was just so excited.
"Daisy I am so fucking happy for you!" Donald smiled.
"I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU ALREADY RUINED MY WEDDING ENOUGH BEFORE YOU CRASHED IT, AND NOT JUST FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING, I MEAN WITH A FUCKING CRUISE SHIP, HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IT HERE YOU CAME FROM FUCKING FLORIDA AND THERE IS NO WATER NEXT TO HERE?!"
"Anything to get to your wedding!"
"Hola, it's so nice to meet you!" Donna said to Daisy.
"Shut up Selma Hayek, Donald, get this trash out of my face!"
Donna punched Daisy right in the face, sending her to the ground.
"Don't offend her, she can fight back, she's Mexican!"
"I think it is great to meet you Donna!" Daffy stated.
"Daffy, we aren't supposed to like them!"
"Well I am in just such a good mood this is the happiest day of my life!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST WANT TO GO ON OUR FUCKING HONEYMOON!" Daisy screamed.
"Well you know I was thinking, we were gonna go sail around the world, but now I think we should use a Disney Cruise ship!"
"You can just use that one!" Donald said, "it's not too damaged, Disney Cruise ships can survive anything, even losing a few pieces, you can go on your honeymoon right now!"
"That sounds great, and how about you two come as well!"
"Si Donna would do that!"
"No Daisy would not do that!"
But Daffy ended up climbing aboard the cruise ship with Donna while Donald came up to Daisy laughing.
"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"
"I WIN!"
"STOP TORTURING ME, I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!"
The four of them then set sail while Daisy became incredibly pissed off that her wedding ended with her not getting any new source of sympathy and that now she actually was married to fucking Daffy. However Daisy eventually just had to let loose by drinking a bunch of alcohol to forget her feelings, and also by engaging in some four ways to celebrate the beautiful two new marriages.