The Original Ducksekeeter

Chapter 8: Mathmagic Land

Just kidding they weren't dead, but they didn't know where the fuck they were. The ground was curved up and down like ocean waves and the sky would change colors every three seconds.
"What the fuck just happened?!" Asked Mortimer.
"And where the fuck are we?!" Asked Donald.
"Well when we were going down that cliff my plan was to point a time travel portal on the ground which would take us back to an hour ago when the mice didn't know you were ducks and we could get back to the plan, but I was having trouble getting the time just right and I think the portal got confused and now we've traveled to some sort of limbo," explained Ludwig, "but we can go back now!"
"Alright, and make sure we get to a time when Minnie is done fucking the president," requested Daisy.
"Wait why didn't we just use a time machine to go to the next morning instead of waiting all night while Minnie was fucking the president?" Asked Donald.
Daisy thought for a second, "oh yeah!"
"Uh-oh," said Ludwig.
"What?!" Asked Donald, Daisy and Mortimer.
"My devices aren't working," Ludwig stated.
"What do you mean they aren't working!" Yelled Donald.
"What do you fucking think I mean?!"
"Why wouldn't they be working?!" Daisy tantrumed.
"They must not work wherever we are, there's probably some dumbass scientific reason!"
"SO WERE STUCK HERE?!?!?!?!" Donald and Daisy both screeched.
"Seems so."
"WELL THIS IS FUCKING TERRIBLE!" Mortimer said.
"BITCH I WISH IT WAS TERRIBLE, THIS ISN'T TERRIBLE, THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO US!" Stomped Daisy.
"We'll I'm through with this shit!" Donald said, marching over to the weapons and putting a gun to his head.
"I call going next!" Daisy decided.
Donald fired the bullet but what happened next was not what Donald intended. The bullet went right into his brain, but it did not kill him.
"JESUS FUCK!" Donald screamed.
"I think it could be possible that when we're in whatever this place is, we can't die, but I guess we can still feel it," Ludwig stated, "Donald since that bullet went right into your brain there is the possibility that you could become a bit retarded."
The second Ludwig said that Donald began to do his impression of Leonardo DiCaprio in that movie with the fat mom.
"Nestlé makes the very best," Donald giggled.
"CAN'T WE RIP THE BULLET OUT OF HIS BRAIN OR SOMETHING?!" Daisy cried.
"I don't know, it's pretty deep in there."
"LUDWIG CAN YOU FUCKING ACT LIKE YOU CARE!"
"Wait so we can't die, we're just going to be here for the rest of eternity?!" Yelled Mortimer.
"I hope that was a rhetorical question, because if I answer that Daisy might yell at me."
"I'LL DO WORSE THAN JUST THAT!" Daisy began to bite on Ludwig's neck like a vampire.
"IT'S NOT LIKE YOU COULD DO ANY BETTER WITH THE TIME MACHINE!" Yelled Ludwig.
"NO, BUT I BRING OTHER THINGS TO THE TABLE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUCKING SMART ONE!"
"That's why I love nestlé crunch!" Yelled Donald.
"I AM DONE, NOW I'M GOING TO GO AND THROW UP!" Daisy sobbed.
For the next few hours Daisy was crying and throwing up, Mortimer and Ludwig did some coke, and Donald was looking all over the place for Nestlé products.
"Daisy," Donald yelled at her, "I want an alpine white bar!"
"DONALD ALPINE WHITE BARS DON'T EXIST IN THIS RETARD PLACE!"
"MATHMAGIC LAND!" Donald screamed.
"What is he talking about now?" Asked Ludwig.
"Walt made Donald do some dumbass educational short in the 50s where he was in a place called Mathmagic Land, I guess he thinks we're actually there!" Daisy yell-explained.
"I LOVE MATHMAGIC LAND!" Donald screamed.
"WE ARE NOT FUCKING IN MATHMAGIC LAND, DONALD!" Daisy continued to sob.
"Well we might need a name to call this place, and I like Mathmagic Land, it sounds all smart and shit, just like me!" Ludwig smiled.
"I'm finna have a line too," Daisy whispered tiredly, shoving Ludwig and Mortimer away from the goods.
Eventually the ducks (when I say the ducks just pretend Mortimer is also a duck because I don't want to say the ducks and Mortimer every time) got tired and went to bed, which was really fucking hard to do because the ground moved up and down like it was as high as everyone sleeping on it. There were a few brief periods of time where the sky would turn to an extra dark color, sometimes it would even become pitch black, during these times the ducks tried to go to sleep as fast as possible. This didn't include Donald however, who was acting like a manic depressive and had to be tied down by a rope Ludwig had in his bag because he kept walking around and made too much noise. Daisy also sewed his beak shut because he wouldn't
stop singing the "That's Why I Love Nestlé Crunch Song". Ludwig was able to sleep because he was old, but Daisy and Mortimer were young so they couldn't sleep. Mortimer thought about taking to Daisy since he was fucking bored and could tell she was awake due to her sobbing loudly, but he was also really scared of her. Eventually Daisy jumped up and began yelling.
"I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP!"
"Me neither," said Mortimer.
"DID I ASK?!"
"No."
"Well since you interrupted me, I guess we can just talk since I'm fucking bored!"
"I'm bored too!"
"DID I AS..."
"NEVERMIND!"
"MORTIMER I AM SO DAMN PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW, I MEAN NOW I'LL NEVER GET TO MURDER MICKEY AND MINNIE!"
Daisy yelled about all the ways she wanted to murder them for the next 40 minutes, until Mortimer calmed her down by getting her high on Mary Jane.
"It just would have felt so good," Daisy smiled.
"I know, I want those cunts to suffer."
"Why did you even fuck that bitch in the first place, I mean she's not rich!"
"She was sexy though, and her pussy was angelic!"
"How often did you fight?"
"Every single second!"
"And was it worth it because you two had good sex?"
"To a point."
"What was the last straw?"
"When she cheated on me with that fucker Mickey!"
"Well why did you care if all you wanted from her was sex!"
"It wasn't me who cared, it was Mickey."
"What do you mean?"
"Well Mickey and Minnie's relationship didn't start as much, he was just her dealer and instead of money, Mickey wanted sexual favors," explained Mortimer, "but then according to Mickey he fell in love with her and one night he broke into our house, put a gun to his head, and told Minnie that if she stayed with me he would shoot himself, so Minnie kicked me out!"
"Well maybe it was for the best."
"I guess, but that doesn't mean I don't hate them, how do you and those other two know her anyway?"
"Well we're from the future actually, and Mickey and Minnie are the biggest celebrities in the world, that's why we went to 1927, since they weren't famous then, we're planning to kill the two of them and then try to take their place in all of Walt Disney's movies so that we can become as famous as them!"
"What am I like in the future?"
"You're dead," Daisy said bluntly.
"HOW?!"
"I don't think you want to know," but Daisy loves to gossip so she still wanted to tell him anyway.
"Yes I do!"
"FINE, BUT I WARNED YOU, Mickey and Minnie made up this rumor that you sexually assaulted her and then after this big ass trial you got the death penalty!"
"Well it's not a made up rumor, I did sexually assault her, all the time, how do you think I got through my marriage, I even sexually assaulted Mickey too that night Minnie kicked me out!" Mortimer giggled.
Daisy fake laughed. She didn't know why but always assumed it was just a rumor. Despite Daisy not really caring about Mickey and Minnie this reveal from Mortimer made her feel weird. But she assumed it was just because she was surprised.
"I wish I could have been there," Daisy smiled.
"It was a sight to be seen, honestly I should have just killed them!"
"That would have helped."
"Wait a second!" Mortimer called out, "where's Donald?!"
Daisy immediately became sober and hopped up. She began looking around anxiously but he was nowhere in sight.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, IF YOU HADN'T GOTTEN THE BOTH OF US STONED I WOULD HAVE NOTICED HIM LEAVING!" Daisy blamed, "NOW WERE GONNA HAVE TO LOOK AROUND THIS WHOLE FUCKING PLACE AND HE CAN BE ANYWHERE!"
Daisy threw a rock at Ludwig's head to wake him up.
"DONALD IS FUCKING MISSING!"
"I sure will miss him." Ludwig frowned.
"WELL WE HAVE TO FIND HIM!"
"Find him? Bitch he's long gone at this point!"
"Can't we at least try to find him!?" Yelled Mortimer.
"We are in some weird ass dimension, we don't know how dangerous it is around here, let's just stay in this spot where we know we're safe!"
"IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO LOSE, I'M FINDING HIM, LET THE DANGERS GET ME!"
Daisy left to go searching for Donald. Mortimer and Ludwig sat there for another five minutes before realizing Daisy's pissed off attitude was the only thing entertaining them so they decided to go after her. For a second Ludwig and Mortimer were worried that they lost Daisy too, but she was holding a chainsaw that was making a lot of noise so they were able to find her quickly.
"WAIT DAISY WE'RE COMING!" Mortimer yelled.
"That's what I thought you said," she spoke with sass.
"Is the chainsaw really necessary?" Asked Mortimer.
"I don't know what shit we're going to have to fight off!"
"I'm with her, I hate getting raped by other worldly creatures!" Ludwig stated.
After searching for about thirty minutes, the three realized that their location was looking the exact same everywhere they went. It was essentially just a bouncy desert with a gay sky.
"This is hopeless!" Screamed Mortimer.
"Daisy, can you just face the facts that Donald is probably gone and honestly does it really matter, I mean he's legally retarded now!" Ludwig mentioned.
"Now I'm committed!" Daisy spat.
The three searched for another four hours and no matter how far they walked they just looked like they were in the same spot.
"I'm starting to feel sick," Mortimer bitched about the ground, as it felt like it was going higher every minute.
"At least you're not old like me, my legs feel like they've been stabbed a million times!" Yelled Ludwig.
"QUIT COMPLAINING YOU FUCKERS!" Daisy stomped.
Daisy fell to the ground in anguish and threw a tantrum so big, Caillou would have told her to shut up.
"I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD!" She screamed, "I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD, I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD, I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD, I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD, I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD, I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD, I WANT TO TASTE BLOOD!"
Daisy bit her age ferociously until blood filled her mouth.
"Daisy calm your psycho ass down!" Ludwig suggested.
Daisy looked up at him with devil red eyes and began biting his neck.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"I SAVED OUR LIVES!"
"WHAT FUCKING LIFE?!"
"Can we just go to sleep, maybe Donald will walk by us," said Mortimer.
"Mortimer you little retard, I'm not going to sleep!"
"Well I a..."
Suddenly Mortimer fell into the ground.
"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?" Daisy screamed.
"He must have hit a bad spot where the space time gravity system wasn't working so the ground was transparent," Ludwig explained.
"BRING HIM BACK!"
"Naw bitch he is gone for good!"
"WELL THEN SO AM I, I AM NOT SPENDING THE REST OF ETERNITY ALONE WITH YOU, no offense!"
Daisy jumped into the transparent ground and what followed was basically the most batshit acid trip of all time. Colors were flashing at a trillion miles per hour. Everything was shaking violently, which caused Daisy to throw up more than a bulimic person on Thanksgiving. Maybe if she actually were on acid this would be fun, but as Daisy was 100% sober this was causing her to instantly regret the decision to jump in.
"WHY DIDN'T MY MOM GET THAT ABORTION!" She screeched.
1,000,000,000 years went by in this dumbass place. Daisy was essentially brain dead at this point and had a bad case of Helen Keller syndrome. But one day she began to feel as if she was falling and after a couple of minutes of this feeling she popped out of this place.
"JESUS THAT SUCKED!"
Daisy laid on the floor for a couple of hours, trying to heal from her vicious experience, when she was woken up by Ludwig tapping her face.
"WHAT?!" She yelled.
"What's with the attitude you should be thankful that you're out!"
"WHAT WAS THAT PLACE!?"
"We basically just went through the ground and now we've finally popped out on the other side, it's like Australia, you know like the land down under!" Ludwig said laughing.
"Yeah that was hilarious!"
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" Mortimer crawled over, "HOW LONG WERE WE IN THERE!"
"A billion years," said Ludwig.
"We have to go back and find Donald!" Daisy yelled.
"There is actually no way that you just said that," said Mortimer.
"Daisy you are dumb."
"Fuck all of y'all, I'm going back!"
"It's been a billion years, Donald is probably not even capable of moving anymore!"
"Well I should probably not be capable of moving right now either, but look at me go!"
Daisy did a little shimmy, accidentally dislocated her hip, and went looking for the tunnel, but could not find it.
"Which way did we come out of?"
"I don't know, it blends in with the ground," said Ludwig.
Daisy looked for another twenty minutes before falling onto the ground in sobs.
"I'm bored, can we just move please!" Mortimer bitched.
"I've got this covered!"
Ludwig reached into his bag, grabbed a bat, and Tonya Hardinged Daisy right in the knee and just like that bitch Nancy Kerrigan, Daisy screamed like a little pussy.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR, I CAN'T FUCKING MOVE ANYMORE!"
"You just answered your question."
Ludwig pulled a wheelchair out of his bag and handcuffed Daisy to it.
"Alright let's roll," Ludwig smiled.
"THIS IS FUCKING ILLEGAL!"
The three began to travel more around. The area around them seemed to have changed a lot. It was now a lot colder, the air was harder to breathe, and everyone but Daisy could feel that it was even harder to walk and that every step felt like lifting a hundred pounds.
"Ludwig what is going on?!" Asked Mortimer.
"It's fine, we are on the other side of the ground where we were before, and it has been a billion years after all."
"Do you have a fucking sweater in that dumbass bag of yours, I'm fucking freezing!"
"Don't make me sew your mouth shut bitch!" Ludwig yelled.
The three kept on walking, and eventually it got to the time where the sky would turn dark. This time it wasn't completely pitch black, it was actually more a dark blue color, but the ducks still took advantage of this and went to sleep. Well everyone but Daisy whose leg pains were keeping her up. After a couple of hours, Ludwig and Mortimer woke up and Ludwig looked very disgruntled.
"Daisy, how long have we been asleep?" He asked.
"Like forever!"
"Has the sky looked like that the whole time?!"
"Yes, it's all dark like my soul!" Daisy sobbed, wishing she was wearing a choker.
"The sky has never been dark for this long here!"
"Well maybe it's because we're on the opposite side or because it's been a billion years or some other dumbass explanation like you always seem to have!"
The air was becoming absolutely freezing and the air was so hard to breathe that blood was gushing out of everyone's mouths. Ludwig put bandannas on everyone's mouth and nostrils to protect them from the air. After that, the ducks decided that staying where they were was not going to work so they began traveling again. For the next ten years the ducks walked a total of two miles, before Daisy's broken legs fell off because the wind hit them too hard and Ludwig's break cracked apart.
"I think we should take a break," Ludwig said, grabbing tape to put around his broken beak and to put back on Daisy's legs.
"Finally!" Mortimer screamed.
Ludwig was just about to get Daisy's leg back on, when he touched her tickle spot and she bounced back so fast that the chair moved to the area where the ground moves up and a sudden wind storm going by lifted that chair up into the air.
"HELP!"
Daisy and the chair flew up about a trillion feet into the air before they both landed onto the ground.
"OW!"
Daisy's head was now cut in half and the wheel chair broke apart with all of the pieces landing on her severed noggin.
"Ouch Daisy that looks like it hurt!" Ludwig said concerned.
"IT SURE FUCKING DID!"
"Don't worry I have another wheelchair!"
"WELL THANK JESUS!"
Ludwig taped Daisy's head back together and put her back into the new wheelchair. This one was not as good, as it only had one wheel and the side and nothing on the other. Also the seat had a tack on it that Ludwig had glued on as a joke but was now not coming off.
"I have to tell you all something," Daisy said.
"What?" Asked Mortimer and Ludwig.
"When I was up in the air I got a whole view of the area and I noticed that while most of here is just plain, there was an area that almost looked like a forest!"
"How far is it from here?" Asked Mortimer.
"I don't know, but it didn't look too far!"
"Then let's go!"
After walking for another year, the ducks finally got to the area Daisy saw. In this area there were giant ass numbers sticking out of the ground and trees that looked like square roots. It really was like Mathmagic Land and they were so intrigued that they didn't even realized THERE WAS A GIANT FUCKING CREATURE THAT HAD THE BODY OF A GORILLA, THE HEAD OF JEFFREY EPSTEIN, THE ARMS AND LEGS OF A TARANTULA, AND THE WINGS OF A PEGASUS.
Ludwig turned around and screamed, "HOLY SHIT RUN!!!!!!!"
Ludwig and Mortimer ran as fast as they could.
"YOU CUNTS, DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE!"
Daisy pushed the one wheel on her wheelchair with the little bit of strength she had left.
"COME TO MY ISLAND!" The Epstgorgasusantula yelled.
"NOT AGAIN!"
The Epstgorgasusantula picked up the back of Daisy's wheelchair with its mouth.
"PUT ME DOWN!"
Daisy's flimsy ass legs accidentally hit the Epstgorgasusantula right in the eye, causing him to spit out the wheelchair and fly her through the air.
"FUCK MY LIFE!"
The wheelchair landed on many of the numbers and started to roll on all of them like it was a skate park. She noticed the two traitors on the ground and began screaming at them.
"CAN YOU TWO FUCKING SAVE ME!"
"YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN BITCH!" Ludwig said apologetically.
Daisy eventually flew out of numbers and into the trees. The branches poked her right eye out and stabbed her in the heart.
"I HATE BEING IMMORTAL!"
The Epstgorgasusantula began crawling over, as Daisy attempted to hide the best she could in the tree. Daisy put her face against the tree branch to muffle her loud voice as the Epstgorgasusantula began crawling up the tree to search for her. Daisy had balled herself up in the corner of the branch as best as she could. The Epstgorgasusantula looked around for a few minutes as Daisy pissed her pants in fear. But then it crawled back down and went looking further.
"That was close," Whispered Daisy.
But as she sat up, she felt Jeffrey Epstein's nose on the top of her head. She looked up to see that another Epstgorgasusantula was hanging from a web on the branch above her.
"OH FUCK!"
He let out a battle cry and the other Epstgorgasusantula came running back. Daisy looked up to then see that there was a whole army of Epstgorgasusantulas, at least a million, charging towards her.
"SAVE ME JESUS!"
In a matter of seconds Daisy was surrounded by these cunts.
Many of them began to shoot out their webs and wrap Daisy around in them, while some others rubbed her on their gorilla chests.
"This is gonna be a long fucking night!"
But it wasn't because after about three hours Daisy felt blood go all over her and quickly realized it wasn't hers. Someone had stabbed one of the Epstgorgasusantulas. Suddenly more blood fell on her and she saw that many of the Epstgorgasusantulas were getting stabbed, decapitated, and circumcised.
Daisy looked up to see a masked figure was committing this beautiful attack. She knew that Ludwig and Mortimer would never be so chivalrous and also felt a rush of tingles when her mystery rescuer picked her up bridal style and began swinging around the jungle with her on a vertical angle.
"There's too many of them you'll never escape!"
They kept on swinging on the angle as the Epstgorgasusantulas all chased them down. The mystery man turned around and swung right to them.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, GO THE OTHER WAY BITCH!"
The mystery man swung the angle all around the Epstgorgasusantulas, wrapping them all together.
"Okay great their wrapped up but WE'RE STILL FUCKING HERE!"
Daisy and the mystery man were trapped right in the middle of the crowd of Epstgorgasusantulas. The man grabbed Daisy and began traveling to the top of the pile.
"Don't go near their mouths!"
Daisy was really pissing the man off at the point so he hit her in the face very hard to knock her out. After that they traveled to the top of the pile where all of the mouths of the creatures were trying to get a taste. The mystery man walked down to the angle and pushed it up so that it wrapped around all of the Epstgorgasusantulas necks, strangling them. The mystery man and Daisy then hopped Down from the pile and landed on the floor. The man then stomped on Daisy's stomach to wake her up.
"OW, YOU COULD HAVE JUST TAPPED MY HEAD!"
Daisy looked up at the sky and saw that all of the Epstgorgasusantulas were hanging from the rope and were all dead.
"HOLY SHIT YOU SAVED ME, WHO ARE YOU?!"
Daisy disobeyed all superhero rules and grabbed the mask off the man. And guess who it was, it was Donald!
"I WANT NESTLÉ ALPINE WHITE!"
"BABY!"
Daisy jumped onto her man and fucked the shit of him. Daisy didn't even care that Donald was legally retarded and this could maybe be considered rape, he was just so hot in that moment. Ludwig and Mortimer's dumbasses walked back over after that.
"You're lucky I'm physically dead, because I would shred you two into a smoothie!"
"We're sorry," Ludwig said nicely, much to Daisy's rage.
"But Daisy look, at least now you're reunited!" Mortimer smiled.
"I know and I'm so giddy about it too!" Smiled Daisy.
"MATHMAGIC LAND!" Donald pointed around.
Donald began to walk away, and the rest of the ducks followed him.
"Where is he going?" Asked Mortimer.
"I don't know but he seems like he knows his way around here," said Daisy.
The ducks looked around as they watched to see all of the nerdy shit surrounding them and it looked beautiful.
"How is any of this here?" Asked Daisy to Ludwig.
"Will the parts of our world may blend with them surface here and numbers are a very universal thing so they would all surround this area, and Epstgorgasusantulas also all consist of things from around the world as well!" Ludwig explained.
"Okay but is there any proof about this or any of your explanations?" Mortimer asked.
"What, do you have a better theory?!" Ludwig screeched.
The ducks kept following Donald like he was the mom from Make Way for Ducklings until the arrived at a fucking house. The ducks could not believe it but Donald's retard ass used the wood from the numbers to build something.
"I thought he was legally dumb!" Daisy stomped.
"Donald, what's 1+1?" Ludwig asked.
"CRUNCHY NESTLÉ CRUNCH!" He yelled back.
"I don't know I'm conflicted," stated Ludwig.
The house wasn't much, there was no furniture, and the only things on the wall were pictures of Nestlé chocolate bars, numbers, and other things from around the forest that Donald had painted with his blood and semen, but it was at least shelter. Donald then began pointing up at the ceiling and the ducks noticed that there was a ladder.
Ludwig and Mortimer climbed up while Donald launched Daisy and her wheelchair up to the second floor, causing her to land on her face and get a trillion splinters. Daisy about pitched a fit until she looked up and saw what was on the second floor. It was a giant, beautiful bed, with white fluffy sheets, curtains on the sides, and pillows that looked like clouds. It looked like a bed that was made for royals.
"THE HOLY SPIRIT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT!" Daisy screamed, even forgetting her bones were shattered and leaping onto the bed with delight.
"How did you get this?" Asked Daisy.
Mortimer began, "Well some parts of our world probably blended with the surfac..." until Ludwig pulled out his AK-47 and shot Mortimer 38 times in the back.
"MOTHER FUCKER!" He yelled, falling to the floor.
"YOU SEE THE BULLETS FROM OUR WORLD TRAVELED HERE WITH ME AND HAVE NOW ENTERED YOUR BACK!"
"FUCK YOU!"
Daisy began squealing profusely before screaming, "ALRIGHT BOYS OUT, ME AND MY MAN ARE GOING TO FUCK ON THIS SCRUMPTIOUS BED!"
"...WHEN IT CRUNCHES, THAT'S WHY I LOOOOVE NESTLÉ CRUNCH, AHHH!"
"Daisy he isn't going to want to fuck you!"
"Yes he is, OH DONALD, I'M A DELICIOUS BAR OF NESTLÉ WHITE CHOCOLATE!"
"SWEET DREAMS I CAN'T RESIST!" Yelled Donald before hopping in bed.
After that Donald gave Daisy the best oral she had ever gotten from him and it was going very well for a while before he started eating her.
"Okay Donald, maybe you should stop!"
Donald began biting even harder.
"OW DONALD THAT HURTS!"
Donald's mouth began to fill with Daisy's blood.
"LUDWIG, MORTIMER, FUCKING SAVE ME!"
Donald took a massive bite out of Daisy and began chewing on it.
"THIS NESTLE IS NASTY!"
He spit her flesh back on her and left, leaving Daisy to finish herself. Daisy laid on her back panting, letting the bed sheets ruffle her feathers.
"Oh my God, THAT WAS THE HOTTEST SEX EVERRRRRR!!!"