The Original Ducksekeeter

Chapter 9: Magical Time

The next five years the ducks lived in this house. It was hard to care about pretty much anything since all of them, outside of Ludwig, were severely injured and would have been dead had this been the actual world. The ducks spent most of their day playing the Game of Life, which Ludwig found at the bottom of his bag. They played this game at least twenty five times a day and Daisy was really shitty at it. Somehow Donald would always win, despite the fact that he was SPED.
Every time they played, the session ended up going along the lines of, "ONE FUCKING TIME I WANT TO HAVE A BUNCH OF CHILDREN, NOT GET SALESPERSON OR HAIR STYLIST, AND NOT WIND UP IN A STUDIO APARTMENT!"
"WOW DONALD THIS IS LIKE THE MILLIONTH TIME YOU'VE WOUND UP AT MILLIONAIRES ESTATES, GOOD JOB!" Ludwig would say happily, mainly to piss Daisy off.
Daisy would then wheel away crying, sometimes the wheel would hit a rock or something and she would fall on her face.
The four of them would also take "walks" around Mathmagic Land when they didn't feel like playing Life anymore. They noticed that there were some other creatures in the area, such as walking numbers or math symbols, but none of these were anywhere near as threatening as the Epstgorgasusantula. This life was very boring, but there was nothing else they could really do. The days of wanting to murder Mickey and Minnie were drifting away.
After losing Life every time, Daisy was starting to lose hope she would ever win, which is why one evening she decided not to play it.
"PLEASE DAISY IT WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU!" Ludwig cried, her temper tantrums were so damn funny he just had to see her do another one.
"UGH FINE!" Daisy stomped.
She sat her booty down and picked the yellow car.
"I'M SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF PLAYING THE PINK CAR JUST BECAUSE I HAVE TITS, DONALD CAN PLAY IT!"
"But Daisy, Donald has to play blue because he has a blue shirt," said Ludwig.
"Ludwig, shut up."
So Daisy played the blue and Donald played the pink and Mortimer played the yellow and Ludwig played the green.
"Why am I even doing this to myself?" Daisy asked herself.
"Ladies first!" Ludwig laughed.
Daisy spun the wheel and landed on ten, which allowed her to glide right through the college path, not landing on a single action card, which would always ruin her success. But Daisy wasn't going to get her hopes up high, as she knew the second she picked a job her streak would win. But when she picked up her career card, she saw that she got DOCTOR. DOCTOR WAS THE HIGHEST PAYING CARD IN THE GAME WITH A SALARY OF $130,000! This was the career Donald always got, except this time when he got travel agent, which only has a salary of $18,000.
"That's different," Daisy said, getting a bit excited.
Every time Daisy spun she landed on a payday, meanwhile every time Donald spun he landed on action cards that would always have him wind up spending more money (he bought a yacht, he failed to make a play, he got sued, etc.), which caused him to do very shitty. This made Daisy extremely happy and made Ludwig extremely pissed, since he only played this dumbass game to see Daisy fail and get all mad.
"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!" She cried.
"YEAH GOOD FOR YOU, BUT DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP YOU COULD STILL LOSE YOU LITTLE BITCH!"
"OH SHUT UP LUDWIG, YOU LITTLE CRYBABY!" Daisy laughed.
Towards the end of it Donald had negative a million dollars. Daisy meanwhile had about a trillion dollars by the time she got towards the end. Daisy finally got to the final spot before she was able to retire to the Millionaire estate, and it was an action card. She gleefully picked it up, expecting it to say that she won a big cage prize or something, but instead it said, Switch Places and Belongings, Including House, Career, and Money with the Player in Last Place.
"What?" Daisy mumbled with a scary grin.
Ludwig was also grinning and said to Daisy, "you have to switch places and belongings with Donald!"
Daisy's grin turned upside down as she yelled, "SINCE FUCKING WHEN IS THAT A CARD!"
"I don't know, we must have just never gotten it before!" Ludwig said, laughing hysterically.
"I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!"
Daisy screeched.
Daisy grabbed the board and began hitting it over Donald's head.
"I WAS RIGHTT FUCKING THERE!!!"
Donald was becoming so retarded from the number of times he was getting hit that he would have gotten kicked out of SPED.
"AND BECAUSE JESUS HATES ME HE GIVES DONALD AND LUDWIG THE MIRACLE OF THIS DUMBASS FUCKING CARD THAT HAVE NEVER EVEN FUCKING EXISTED UNTIL NOWWW!"
"Calm down Daisy, it's just a game!" Ludwig smiled politely.
Daisy began hitting Ludwig with the box now, until she realized that wasn't good enough and just grabbed Ludwig's AK-47.
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT, IT BELONGS TO ME!"
"THEN YOU WON'T MIND HAVING SOME OF ITS BULLETS IN YOU!"
Daisy shot Ludwig all over his body about one billion times. By the end of it he looked like a sponge with all of the holes.
"SEE BITCH IT ISN'T FUN TO NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE!"
Daisy screamed as she crawled upstairs.
"THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY!" Ludwig said laughing harder than Daisy was crying and screaming.
"The blood is literally no longer in your body!" Mortimer stated.
"I know, did you see the face she was making when she was shooting me, she was like AUGH LUDWIG STOP YOUR HURTING MY FEELINGS BOO HOO HAHHAHAAHABSGA!"
Daisy remained on her bed for the next four months in a deep depression.
"Daisy, get up, it's just a board game," Mortimer and Ludwig would have to tell her every day.
"But I wanted to win," Daisy would sob.
Daisy would just lay there and dream about how happy she would have been if she won, but would then sob profusely when she'd remembered that she lost. Daisy refused to eat, making her only ten pounds now, and she couldn't get much sleep because all of her dreams were just her reliving her horrific loss. She was also covered in her piss and poop because she didn't want to get up to use the restroom. One day, when Mortimer, Ludwig, and Donald had all also fallen asleep, Daisy reluctantly drifted off to sleep as well. She was ready to have to relive the most disgusting loss in the history of board games, but instead the memory did not come back to her. Instead she realized she may have been in a dream. But it wasn't just any dream, it was a peaceful one. Daisy felt calm for the first time in she didn't know how long. At first nothing was happening, but then she saw a bright pink light coming from the window. The light was luminous and was basically raping her eyes because of how loud it was. Daisy saw that she could walk and was at her beautiful weight again. She walked to the window to look closer at the light.
"God is that you?"
Daisy looked out of the window and saw that there was a beautiful flower garden in the shape of Daisy's face, and Mickey and Minnie were standing in the middle of it, chained to the ground. The sight of the two of them helplessly trapped made her shiver excitedly. Daisy opened the window and began flying down with her majestic wings. She felt as if she heard music in the air and could feel the lyrics of a song coming up out of her mind and she began singing it in a perfect operatic voice.
"La la lay, it's the most magical time today, so many songs to sing and songs to play, and I know it's so real and I know it's so true, THAT'S I'M GUTTING YOU!"
Daisy sang these lyrics as she grabbed a machete out of thin air and began viciously stabbing Mickey and Minnie. She stabbed them until there was nothing but a million bloody pieces of them that flooded all through the flowers. Daisy laid down across these bloody flowers and continued singing loudly as she was practically swimming in their blood at this point.
"MAGICAL TIME, MAGICAL TIME, IT'S THE MOST MAGICAL TIME TOOODAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYAH..."
But then Daisy realized that this blood was no longer blood and was instead her urine. The dream may have been over but Daisy was still feeling this magical time. She jumped up out of bed and went as fast as she physically could downstairs.
"YOU GUYS!"
Mortimer and Ludwig leaped up.
"Holy shit she's back!" Mortimer yelled.
"Yeah and she looks like a holocaust victim!" Ludwig said uncomfortably.
"Yeah because you two look amazing, anyway I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!"
"Wha..."
"Well I was sleeping all depressed like usual and I was expecting to dream about when I lost the game of Life again, but I didn't dream about when I lost the game of Life, I dreamt about these beautiful flowers, and I was singing this song called "Magical Time", and killed Mickey and Minnie, and now I've realized that we need to get back on track and KILL THEM!"
"Daisy I don't know where you've been the past billion years, but we aren't about to go kill Mickey and Minnie!" Ludwig said with his hand on his hip all sassy.
"Come on we still have a little chance to kill them don't we?" Daisy hoped.
"Daisy we are all physically and mentally destroyed, we are a billion years past their time and honestly the earth is probably gone at this point because the sun has exploded or some science thing, and we also are trapped in this limbo area!" Mortimer stated.
"Come on, how about you give a percentage or something Ludwig!"
"ZERO!"
"Come on, give me at least a bit higher than that!"
"0.0000000000000000000000001%"
"Thank you."
"JUST GO BACK UPSTAIRS!" Yelled Ludwig.
Daisy crawled back upstairs and went back to sleep, but then she had that delicious dream again. When she woke back up she decided that her depression was over and every day she would go back downstairs and ask Ludwig and Mortimer if there was any way she could kill Mickey and Minnie still and every time the two of them missed the days when Daisy wouldn't get up.
"Daisy, why can't you be depressed again?!" Ludwig would always complain.
"Mickey and Minnie are already dead anyway by now!" Mortimer would compensate.
But Daisy wouldn't listen to them, she had this dream every night and knew it had to mean something. Every day she would think about if she could eventually kill them, she even started playing Life again and didn't care when she lost every time because all she cared about was killing the mice and thinking about that scrumptious dream she would have every time she even did so much as blink.
"La la lay, it's the most Magical Time TODAY!"
The dream was so powerful.
"SO MANY SONGS TO SING AND SONGS TO PLAY!"
It was sexy.
"AND I KNOW ITS SO REAL AND I KNOW ITS SO TRUE!"
It was cozy.
"THAT I'M GUTTING YOU!"
It was a magical time.
"Daisy is losing her shit up there Ludwig, I mean we have got to do something!"
Daisy was awoken one night by the sound of Mortimer and Ludwig's dumbass traitor voices. She dragged herself out of bed and walked towards the top of the ladder to hear better.
"If that MAGICAL dream of hers went away maybe she would be able to act like a normal person!" Ludwig stomped.
Ludwig thought for a moment.
"I'VE GOT IT, when she wakes up you hold her down and I'll staple her eyes open, isn't that a good idea!" Ludwig shouted.
"IT SURE IS!"
The two of them began laughing hysterically.
"Then we can just go back to playing Life and go on our normal walks without her getting in the way with her retarded dreams!"
"NOW THAT'S MAGICAL!"
The two of them both laid across the floor laughing like Santa Claus.
"Those mother fuckers!" Daisy whispered to themselves, "there fucking hypocrites as well, I mean they are JUST AS CRAZY AS ME!"
"What was that?" Asked Mortimer from downstairs.
Daisy shut her ass up.
"Probably aroused by that dumbass dream of hers again!" Yelled Ludwig, and the two laughed hysterically again.
"I'll be ready for them at least, and I am not going to continue going on walks and playing that bitch board game, those lazy ass hicks need to at least try to fix this!"
Daisy thought for a couple of minutes before coming up with a very good idea.
"I know how to get them out of the house!"
The next day was very cheerful for everyone. Ludwig and Mortimer were excited about their plan and Daisy was excited about hers. She climbed (but ended up actually falling) down her ladder and the second Ludwig grabbed her, she grabbed the stapler out of his hands and stapled both his eyes shut five times each.
"How did you know he was going to do that?!" Yelled Mortimer.
"I overheard your big mouths yapping about it last night!" She responded, "and I came up with my own little plan for you two lazy bones and with this you are never going to get to PLAY LIFE OR GO ON YOUR PEACEFUL WALKS AGAIN!"
Daisy grabbed a chainsaw out from Ludwig's bag.
"LUDWIG SHE HAS A CHAINSAW!"
"Please, she can barely move that thing around!" He yelled.
"Who said I was moving it, OH DONALD!"
Donald came running over.
"I WANT NESTLÉ!"
"You do?" Daisy said sweetly.
"NESTLÉ!"
"I'll give you Nestlé if you destroy the house with this chainsaw!"
"Okay!"
"NO!" Ludwig and Mortimer screamed.
Donald grabbed the chainsaw and began destroying every single inch of the house.
"SWEET DREAMS YOU CAN'T RESIST, N-E-S-T-L-É!" He sang as he carved up every inch of the house.
Mortimer and Ludwig tried to stop him, but they could barely even move.
"I WANT MY NESTLÉ!"
The house was completely obliterated by the time Donald was done and to top it off when it was finished being destroyed and it collapsed right on top of Mortimer and Ludwig, thankfully Daisy was smart enough to leave. Daisy began laughing hysterically like Mortimer and Ludwig had done last night, as she looked at her amazing accomplishment.
"I WANT MY FUCKING NESTLÉ NOW!"
Donald screamed.
Mortimer and Ludwig were slowly climbing out of the rubble now, with pretty much every bone in their bodies broken.
"Donald I am so sorry," Daisy began, "but there has been a terrible mistake, we don't have your Nestlé bar, those two lied and said we did!"
Donald picked his chainsaw back up.
"LUDWIG, DONALD IS GLARING AT US RIGHT NOW AND HE LOOKS REALLY SCARY AND HAS A CHAINSAW!" Mortimer warned.
"LET'S MOVE AS FAST AS WE CAN!"
They moved about three inches when Donald caught up to them and began sawing the two of them up into a million pieces with his chainsaw.
"It's okay I brought tape!" Yelled Daisy joyfully, after which she taped Ludwig and Mortimer back up, however their pieces were a bit mixed together.
"DAISY YOU LITTLE RETARD, OUR ONLY SHELTER IS GONE!" Ludwig stomped.
"Well now I guess we'll just have to keep on moving until we eventually reach Mickey and Minnie and have our magical time!" Daisy grinned.
"You've lost your fucking mind Daisy, explain to me how we're going to kill Mickey and Minnie!" Mortimer screamed.
"Well, I will start with an ax..."
"I MEAN HOW WILL WE FIND THEM?!" Mortimer screamed again.
"Somehow, someway we will find them, I know my dreams can't be wrong, they feel too real, they will come true soon, now come on everybody let's go, Donald if you help me find them I'll give you an alpine white bar!"
Donald MOANED while Mortimer and Ludwig both looked at each other with anguish.
"I guess we should follow her, we don't have anything better to do!" Mortimer bitched.
"Fine, you know what, maybe this'll all work out, who the fuck knows!"
It did not. The ducks walked (or at least dragged themself) around the forest for the next month, and every single week they would wind up back at where the house used to be.
"I WANT MY HOUSE BACK!" Mortimer sobbed.
"DAISY IF I COULD MOVE I WOULD GOUGE YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT!" Ludwig screamed.
"I will kill them soon, the Magical Time is coming!"
"Daisy for the past month we have just walked in a bunch of circles!" Ludwig argued.
"THE MAGICAL TIME IS COMING SOON!"
"NO ITS NOT YOU LITTLE CUNT!" Ludwig yelled, lying on the ground sobbing with Mortimer.
"YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ludwig and Mortimer popped their heads up.
"Christ Daisy how did you make your voice that loud?" Asked Ludwig.
"That wasn't me," she responded.
"IT'S MR SPIRIT!" Donald hollered.
"Who?" The others asked.
"He is my very dear friend who likes to speak to me once in a blue moon, NESTÉ, he is coming, he told me in the wind last night."
The ground began to shake, a bright light appeared in the sky, and the shadow of a figure sailing down with an umbrella could be seen. The figure finally landed down, and walked out to reveal who it was. It was Jiminy Cricket.
"Oh no, who invited this fag?!" Daisy moped.
"Jiminy Cricket, how did you get down here!?" Asked Ludwig.
"I have special powers my friend!"
"We're not friends!"
"Please don't be impolite, anyway I have been watching you, all these billion yea..."
Daisy rolled her wheelchair over and began stomping all over Jiminy to crush him.
"YOU FUCKER, YOU'VE KNOWN WE WERE HERE THIS WHOLE TIME AND YOU DID NOTHING!!!"
"Daisy, don't kill him, he's going to help us!" Yelled Mortimer.
"It's true, so get off of ME!" Jiminy screamed.
"FINE, you asshole!"
Daisy got off of Jiminy and he continued talking.
"Wow, that got me a bit disgruntled but that's okay," Daisy and Ludwig rolled their bitchy eyes, "as I was saying, I've been watching you these billion years and I have been furious for all of them, killing anyone, even a horrible person like Mickey and Minnie, is just truly wrong in my book, but then after a while all of you just stopped trying, you got all lazy and tired and Daisy was even becoming suicidal over a board game..."
"IT WAS VERY UPSETTING!" Daisy yelled.
"IT'S NOT OUR FAULT WE WERE LAZY, THERE WAS NOTHING TO DO!"
"Please do not interrupt me, and there is always something to do, and I knew that deep down in each of you, you knew it too, so that's we with my powers I put those dreams into Daisy's mind every time she slept, just to see if it would make her want to accomplish her goal again, and by golly after a month she is still striving to accomplish it, and that perseverance has made me realize that all of you are the right person for this job, so I have decided to send you back to 1927 if..."
Suddenly a giant, geometric bird popped up and ate Jiminy.
Daisy, Ludwig, and Mortimer screamed so loud that the ground literally cracked in half.
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW!" Screamed Mortimer.
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Okay let's not freak out," Ludwig began, "if we get that bird quickly, maybe he won't have digested it yet and we can get him out!"
Daisy immediately jumped onto the bird, but it quickly flew away.
"You fucking retard, don't scare it!" Ludwig yelled.
"We can't even chase it down, our bodies are destroyed!" Mortimer stated.
"BIRDIE HAS BROWN BEAK LIKE NESTLÉ CRUNCH BAR!" Donald screamed.
"Donald, do you know where the bird may have gone?!" Daisy yelled at him.
"How would he know?!" Mortimer yelled.
"I don't know he's weird and seems like he knows his way around here!" Daisy said.
"I WANT ALPINE WHITE!"
"Donald, if you help us find the bird then I'll give you alpine white, now do you know the way?"
"YES!"
"Alright let's find the bird!" Daisy squealed.
"Follow the eggheads and we will find the bird," Donald stated, "to Ancient Greece, ALPINE WHITE!"
"Did he say Ancient Greece?" Asked Mortimer.
"This is all a bunch of bullshit!" Ludwig whined.
All of the sudden an area resembling Ancient Greece popped up. The buildings were all ugly and crumbling. There was also some old man who was also ugly and crumbling.
"THAT'S PYTHAGORAS!" Donald screamed.
Donald ran up to him and kissed him on the lips for twenty seconds.
"MOTHER FUCKER IT'S THE BIRD!" Daisy pointed out.
The bird was right there and Daisy began to wheel as fast as she could, but it quickly went behind Donald and Pythagoras.
"DONALD GRAB IT!" Daisy, Mortimer, and Ludwig yelled.
Pythagoras whispered something into Donald's ear.
"Pythagoras told me that we can not leave Ancient Greece until we learn BUTTERFINGERS the connection between math and music!" Donald explained.
"I can't do this bullshit right now Donald we need that fucking bird!"
"What is the connection between math and music?" Asked Pythagoras.
"I don't know," Daisy began, "Ludwig, what is it?!"
"Why should I know?!"
"Well Mortimer and I are retarded and you're not so do the math," Daisy laughed, "and the music too!"
"That wasn't funny!"
"Yes it was, NOW ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!"
"Okay well, let me think," Ludwig put his thinking cap on, "well I think that the relationship between math and music may have to do with the relationship between how long a string is and the octaves."
"Μὴ σοὺς διαφθείρῃ γάμους!"
"WHAT DID HE SAY?!" Asked the three to Donald.
"He said that sounds about right!"
"YAY!" Everyone cheered.
"Wait a minute," Donald paused, "he wants to say something else!"
"Καὶ σὺν τέκνον."
"He says he wants THREE MUSKETEERS for one of you OH MY GOD CRUNCHY NESTLÉ CRUNCH to play OH RIGHT THERE some music for him!"
"Hell to the mother fucking no, we've got places to be and things to see!" Daisy shouted.
"PLAY HIM A FUCKING SONG DAISY!" Daisy howled.
Daisy, Mortimer and Ludwig all looked at each other with anger, before Daisy began to smile and then speak.
"Well I do know one song."
Suddenly a harp appeared in front of Daisy. Daisy put her digits on the harp and began to softly sing.
"La la lay, it's the most magical time today, so many songs to sing and songs to play and I know it's so real and I know it's so true, that I'm gutting you."
Pythagoras started crying.
"Ἥξεις Ὑβριστὴν ποταμὸν οὐ ψευδώνυμον!"
"He says the song was beautiful and that we can leave now!" Donald stated.
"Alright let's hurry up and find that bird!" Daisy bitched.
The four ran (to the best of their ability) forward, with the world in front of them seeming to just get darker and darker as they ran.
"I CAN'T SEE A FUCKING THING!" Called out Daisy.
"ME NEITHER!" Yelled Mortimer.
"I want to have a hot, melted Nestlé chocolate bar melted up my anus." Donald spoke softly.
"Christ Donald." Ludwig whispered softly as well.
But suddenly things did begin to light up, it was a bunch of games. A bright baseball, basketball, and football field, billiards, and hopscotch.
"With shapes and angles math can help with many games as well!" Donald explained.
"That's nice Donald and HOLY SHIT IT'S THE BIRD!"
The bird was sitting on the pitcher's mound of the baseball field.
"DONALD GRAB HIM AND YOU WILL MELT THAT NESTLÉ BAR IN YOUR ANUS!"
Donald charged as fast as he could at the bird as it ran around onto all of the games. It climbed up all of the basketball hoops, picked up some chalk and made a very confusing game of hopscotch that hurt Donald's fucked up mind, and ran across the football field until Donald eventually collapsed.
"Oh shit!" Cried the other three.
The bird then jumped onto the eight ball in the billiards game. Mortimer ran up, grabbed a cue stick, and began hitting the bird as fast as he could with it, but the bird was quicker and would not take this abuse. So he pecked out both of Mortimer's eyes with his beak.
"Oh shit I'm fucking blind!"
The bird then crawled into the hole in the corner of the table.
"I'm getting him!"
Daisy dove from her wheelchair and into the hole, but her fat ass got stuck.
"HELP, MY FAT ASS IS STUCK!"
Ludwig crawled over and tried to pull Daisy out, but there was no luck.
"MORTIMER HELP!" Ludwig called.
"I'M BLIND!"
"WELL THANKFULLY BITCH THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR FUCKING HANDS, NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"
Mortimer Stevie Wondered his way up to the billiards table and began pulling on Ludwig's legs as he pulled on Daisy's. Suddenly, Donald awoke.
"DONALD, OVER HERE, HELP!" Cried Ludwig.
Donald jumped onto the table and began to push on Mortimer.
"NO DONALD, PULL!" Mortimer and Ludwig screamed.
"But the bird is in there and therefore we need to go inside!"
"Donald, the bird is probably out of the table by now!" Ludwig yelled.
But Donald didn't listen, and as he had the most force out of all of them by far, he was able to shove all of them into the billiards table.
The inside of the billiards table was not as they had imagined, it was filled with trippy ass imagery, of flowers and seashells and trees and paintings and also just some other random ass shapes.
"The hell is this place?!" Daisy asked.
"SHAPES ARE WHAT MATH IS ALL ABOUT, LET'S LOOK AT THE FLOWERS, SEE HOW THEIR PETALS ARE ALL OF DIFFERENT SHAPES AND SIZES DEPENDING ON WHICH FLOWER THEY ARE!" Donald shouted.
"Donald how are you smarter now that you're retarded," asked Ludwig, "well he couldn't get any dumber I suppose!"
Donald grabbed a tape measurer and began to measure all of the objects in centimeters, inches, feet, the works, until suddenly the bird popped out from behind one of the flowers.
"Fuck, Donald catch him!" Called Daisy.
The bird now ran at a breakneck pace, but Donald ran about as fast. The bird ran through the large flowers and then many of them back onto Donald, he also began biting on the ends of the trees to cause them to fall down onto him, but he would not give up, he needed, he craved, that N-E-S-T-L-E-S Nestlé makes the very best, chocolate bar. The bird also began to hop into several paintings, Donald had an absolute acid trip chasing down the bird in the sky of starry night, and straight up vomited when they jumped into a Jackson Pollock painting. But the worst one came when the bird jumped into the Mona Lisa and with his magic bird powers changed the face of the Mona Lisa lady and made it Farfel the Nestlé Dog. Now I don't know if you know what Farfel the Nestlé Dog is, but just in case, he is this scary ass puppet who is the only living creature that claims to like Nestlé more than Donald. Donald was terrified of this dog because he would eat all the Nestlé bars before Donald could get a taste. Suddenly the painting turned to a Christmas setting and all of Farfel the Nestlé Dog's relatives that also looked just like Farfel the Nestlé Dog crowded around Donald and began chanting, "N-E-S-T-L-E-S Nestlé makes the very best!" and as they did they pissed melted Alpine white, butter finger, baby ruth, and crunch bars, and pooped raisinets. Donald was not a good swimmer, especially in this retard state, so he drowned. There was darkness surrounding the duck, and silence as well for a few minutes. Donald eventually just shut his eyes. But then there was a voice.
"It's never been like this, sweet dreams you can't resist, a dream as sweet as this, N-E-S-T-L-E-S."
Donald opened his eyes to see that he was in a beautiful snow storm, and a woman with a fluffy fur coat was singing to him softly as she ice skated with an arctic fox at her side. But this was not just any woman, it was the Nestlé Alpine White woman. She waved at Donald and then got onto a swing and continued to sing.
"Alpine White, creamy white, Alpine White's the best very best, N-E-S-T-L-E-S, sweet dreams, you can-an-an't resist."
Donald climbed onto her lap and they began to swing, and swing, and swing, until they flew into the sky and danced with the fluffy clouds. The woman then opened up her coat and pulled out an alpine white bar. Donald moaned loudly. She unwrapped it. Donald orgasmed. She handed it to him. He reached to put it in his mouth, and...
"DONALD WAKE UP!"
Daisy had woken him up.
"I WAS ABOUT TO EAT MY NESTLÉ BAR BITCH!"
Donald punched Daisy across the face, sending her beak the other direction.
"Donald, you just drowned in the Mona Lisa painting, it was filled with chocolate or something!"
"The Alpine White Lady was there, and we were on a swing and we swung into the clouds and I was about to have my Nestlé bar, I must go to the clouds!"
Donald began running around frantically, trying to find a way to the sky. He looked over and saw a painting of a plane flying through a bunch of fluffy clouds.
"NESTLÉ!"
Donald jumped into the painting while Daisy, Mortimer, and Ludwig followed.
"Can this asshole stop getting fucking DISTRACTED!" Screeched Daisy.
Donald used her majestic wings to fly up to the airplane, which was flight American-United 117793175, while the other three began falling through a seemingly never ending sky.
"DONALD SAVE US!" The three yelled.
"WE CAN HELP YOU GET THAT NESTLÉ!" Daisy added.
Donald flew his airplane down and caught the losers.
"Okay Donald let's fly out of this painting!" Daisy said, trying to catch her breath.
"Wait, NO!" Ludwig yelled.
"Why?!" Daisy and Mortimer asked.
"It's the bird!"
"DONALD CHASE IT HE HAS YOUR NESTLÉ!" Daisy bossed.
Donald chased the bird down as fast as he could, but the bird was fast as hell and was hard to catch up to.
"JESUS CHRIST HOW FAST IS THAT GODDAMN BIRD!" Daisy shouted.
They chased the bird down for about ten minutes, before something began to pop up. It was New York City, except in the form of a painting.
"It's beautiful," said Daisy.
"The bird is heading right towards it!" Ludwig pointed out.
"THE EGGHEADS!" Donald yelled.
"What?!" Everyone else asked.
"THIS IS ALL ABOUT THE MATH AND THE ANGLES AND SHAPES!" Donald explained.
The bird finally stopped on the painted version of the Twin Towers.
"HOLY SHIT!" Daisy and Ludwig screamed.
"If I fly down this plane at a specific angle and land into those rectangles then the bird will fall, or maybe jump!" Donald stated.
"Maybe find another way!" Ludwig shouted.
"Yeah Donald I don't know how comfortable this makes me!" Daisy yelled.
"What's going on?!" Asked Mortimer.
Daisy and Ludwig explained 9/11 to Mortimer, and he joined in on stating that this probably wasn't a good idea, especially since those Afghan men didn't really survive the crash either.
"Donald if we fly into those shapes you'll be injured too and then we'll never get the bird!"
"THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO HIT IT BEFORE HE LEAVES, NOW LET'S ROLL!"
Donald giggled loudly, as Daisy, Mortimer and Ludwig all screamed.
"God I'm really sorry for this one!" Daisy yelled.
Donald flew the plane straight through the North Tower and then through the South and then landed on the Pentagon that for some reason was in New York all of the sudden. I guess the person who did this painting was a bit stupid. The plane went right out of the painting and exploded on the ground. The four friends all exploded and disintegrated which did not feel pleasant. Daisy's eye that could still slightly see rolled over to where the painting was where she saw the towers collapse. The painting got very dusty all of the sudden, and the bird that was severely injured slowly got out.
"HOLY SHIT IT WORKED!" Daisy's mouth that was sitting across the room yelled.
"WE HAVE TO KILL IT SOMEHOW!" Called out Ludwig's mouth.
Daisy's mouth flopped over to a painting of a knife, where she hopped in, he grabbed it, and flopped back over to the bird, where her eye was already at.
"Damn I hope this goes well, unlike that time I performed a C-section at 16," Daisy pleaded, "although at least this time it won't result in the death of my three month premature baby."
"NO IT WILL BE WORSE, NOW TRY TO GET THAT LIZARD OUT!"
Daisy shoved the knife in the bird and carved out a circle. She then bit her way even deeper into the bird and began traveling inside.
"Any luck?!" Called out Mortimer.
"I don't know, I can't see anything, my eye is next to the bird!"
But just under the bird's rib cage was Jiminy fucking Cricket.
"I FOUND HIM!"
Daisy picked him up and spit him out onto the floor.
"HE ISN'T MOVING OH FUCK!" Daisy screamed.
She moved her eye over to his stomach and began jumping on his chest.
"DON'T CRUSH HIM!" Ludwig said, his eyes were nearby as well.
"WELL I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING, I THINK HE MAY HAVE DROWNED IN THE BIRD'S BLOOD!"
Suddenly, the bird began coughing and mumbled something.
"Eggheads."
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Screamed Daisy's mouth.
"Shit he probably wants something about math!" Ludwig yelled.
"Eggheads for cricket, one guess only," the bird mumbled again.
"I think if we answer a math question Jiminy will wake up!" Ludwig stated.
"15, pecan, pumpkin, apple," the bird mumbled before dying.
"FUCK HE'S DEAD!" Daisy screeched.
"WHAT WAS HE TALKING ABOUT?!" Asked Mortimer.
"Let me think," Ludwig began, "15, pecan, pumpkin, apple, what could that mean?"
"I DON'T KNOW BUT FIGURE IT OUT!" Yelled Daisy.
"Calm down bitch, okay 15, pecan, pumpkin, apple, 15, pecan, pumpkin, apple, 15, pecan, pumpkin, apple!"
"Jesus you saying that makes me remember how much I hate pecan pie!" Daisy gagged.
"That's it, pecan, pumpkin, and apple are all types of pie, and pi is a math thing!"
"But what does the 15 mean?" Asked Mortimer.
"Okay let me think, oh I got it, maybe it's the first 15 digits of pi!"
"OKAY WHAT ARE THE FIRST 15 DIGITS OF PI!?" Daisy screeched.
"I don't know," said Ludwig.
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GENIUS!?" Daisy snapped.
"Just because I'm a genius doesn't mean I have such a boring life that I would know all the digits of pi by heart!" Ludwig yelled back.
"But you don't even know the first 15?!"
"Hey I don't see you pitching in!"
"BECAUSE I'M NOT A FUCKING GENIUS!"
"Really, wow that is surprising!"
"Donald probably knows!" Mortimer yelled.
"But out Mortimer!" Yelled Daisy.
"Wait he's right, but where is Donald?" Ludwig asked.
Daisy rolled her eye around the room but could not find Donald.
"He's fucking gone!" Daisy sobbed, kind of.
"Nestlé," a voice mumbled.
Daisy, Mortimer, and Ludwig were excited until they saw that this voice was coming from the top of a giant ass rose that went fifty feet into the air.
"How the hell am I going to get up there!?"
Daisy's eye looked over at Ludwig's mouth that was right next to the rose.
"I have an idea and I hate everything about it!"
Daisy's eye rolled over to Ludwig's mouth and hopped inside.
"Wat du fuqe!?" He asked.
"Spit me out!" Daisy's mouth yelled over.
"WAT!?"
"SPIT ME OUT"
Ludwig spit Daisy all the way to the top of the rose where Donald's crumbled up mouth was lying.
"SHIT HE'S HURT BAD!"
"Sweet dreams you can't resist."
"OKAY DONALD, for Nestlé, can you name the first 15 digits of pi?!"
"3.14..."
"YES, little bit more!"
"...1..."
"YES!"
"...5..."
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"
"...926535897... Nestlé makes the very best!" Donald spat before passing out.
"THATS ONLY FOURFUCKINGTEEN!" Daisy screamed.
"It's okay, we can just say every number between 1-9!" Mortimer yelled.
"WE ONLY GET ONE FUCKING GUESS, LUDWIG JUST THINK YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SMART!"
"I don't even like math, I haven't cared about math or pi or any of that shit since I was like 9," Ludwig thought, "9, 9, it's 9, when I was 9 my loser ass would say all out the digits of pi before going to sleep and the 15th digit is 9, 3.14159265358979!"
Jiminy awoke.
"And that was the other test!" He stated.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" Daisy's mouth yelled.
"I wanted to see if you were really the right people for this challenge so I had to bird eat me and then see if you'd chase me down, and that perseverance..."
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?" Daisy screamed.
"What, now I know that you really care about me and that you really want to go through with my plan, but first Donald here is your Alpine White bar!"
Jiminy walked up to Donald's mouth and threw the Alpine White bar at him, after which he gobbled it up in a matter of seconds.
"CHOOCLAATE!" He said before slamming his teeth shut.
"Anyway about the plan..." Jiminy began.
"Let's go through with it, where were we last time, you said we could go back to 1927 if we did what?" Mortimer's mouth asked.
"You can go back to 1927 to kill Mickey and Minnie if you understand the true meaning of Disney!" Jiminy explained.
"If we understand what?!" Daisy asked.
"I will send you into many of the classic Disney stories to see if you understand the meaning of the company!"
"I guess that would help us truly become the best mascots!" Daisy's mouth stated.
"It would, now will you all go through with this plan?!" Asked Jiminy.
"I will!" Daisy shouted happily.
"Count me in!" Ludwig agreed.
"Anything to get away from here!" Mortimer yelled.
"Then we'll begin, first stop is Snow White and the Seven Dwarves!"
"Oh shit I hate that little cracker, retard slut!" Daisy screamed, but after Jiminy glared at her she quickly said, "I mean I love that beautiful, sweet princess!"
"Then off you'll go, but first maybe I'm going to fix you all up!"
Jiminy zapped Donald, Daisy, Ludwig, and Mortimer and brought them back to their normal states, they didn't have a single scratch on them now.
"I CAN RUN!" Daisy said, hopping around.
"US TOO!" Ludwig and Mortimer said while running.
"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, WHERE ARE WE?!" Donald screamed.
"We're going to learn the true meaning of Disney with the help of Jiminy Cricket Donald, and then we can kill Mickey and Minnie, ISN'T THAT SO FUCKING GREAT!" Daisy explained joyfully.
"WHAT?!" Donald asked again.
"Wait a minute, Ludwig isn't finished yet, his penis is missing!" Jiminy pointed out.
"Oh that's right, my penis got cut off at the Mouse Club, it's okay you can leave it like that, it feels cozy!" Ludwig smiled.
"Well alright, anyway first stop Snow White and the Seven Dwarves!"
Jiminy spun around and with his spin the world spun too and in no time at all the ducks were in Snow White's dumbass village.
"WE'RE HERE!" Jiminy stated, "now what I want you four to do is kill the evil queen before she gives Snow White the apple!"
"Sounds easy enough!" Daisy stated.
"Alright, now I'll be waiting and I'll bring you to your next location once you're done, goodbye and good luck!"
Jiminy poofed away while the other four began to walk.
"Oh boy, Mickey and Minnie will be dead in no time," Daisy shouted happily, "I'm so happy I could sing!"
"Us too!" Called out Mortimer and Ludwig.
"I THINK YOU KNOW THE WORDS TO THIS ONE, LA LA LAY IT'S THE MOST MAGICAL TIME TODAY..."
Mortimer and Ludwig joined in, "SO MANY SONGS TO SING AND SONGS TO PLAY..."
"WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE WERE AT THE MOUSE CAFÉ!?" Donald screamed.
"...AND WE KNOW IT'S SO REAL AND WE KNOW ITS SO TRUE THAT WE'RE GUTTING YYYYOOOOUUUUUUUU!"