The New Boy

Chapter 37

Elle's POV

I was sitting next to Kylie during Literature. I still wanted to ask more question based on what she had told me during lunch.

"So what happens now? Are you guys still friends?" I asked her.

"Yea, friends with benefits." It just kept getting worse and worse. It was like somebody was constantly stepping on my heart and suffered no remorse for it.

"Okay."

"I still have a lot of questions about Owen." She said.

"Can we just drop that." I strongly suggested.

"Cargo! Monroe! Will you guys stop chattering and do your work." Martha said.

"Sorry ma'am." Kylie and I said in unison.

Why universe? Why would the universe do this to me? How could it burst my bubble like that? What the heck was I supposed to do at that point?

I mean I knew Henry wouldn't like me but this was way worse than I thought, it stings that he's busy with my best friend.

I am not going to lie, at that point, I felt... empty. If I knew that that was what love came with, I wouldn't have been so eager to know how it felt. It was my first ever encounter with real feelings for a boy but instead of feeling all giddy and excited about it, I felt so hurt and down. It was incomprehensible and it drove me fucking crazy. I did not know what to do.

When will I get a chance to be genuinely happy? I did not deserve that, I did not know what I did to deserve that. I liked Henry, a lot.

But besides, even if there was no Kylie in the picture, there was no way that Henry was going to like me back. He does not believe in all of that feelings shit whatsoever. So either way, this whole thing was going to end in endless tears.

Martha's voice sounded like that last voice of an echo, battling with Kylie's voice when she said that she kissed Henry in my mind. It was a fight between the two voices, as though they were competing on who was louder and it was driving me crazy. And then, everything was blurred, my eyes grew glossy and my heart was hammering against my chest, the last pieces that were left of it. Who do I talk to? What do I do?

"Elle, it's time to go."

"Oh." I said and stood up, swung my bag over my shoulder and left the classroom. I needed to leave campus but unfortunately, I had three more classes before school was out.

"What's wrong with you?" I was making it obvious that something was bothering me and having friends meant that they would pester me on it. I knew Kylie, she would not stop asking questions until she got her answers and on that day, I had no answer for her. I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted to go to a faraway place and never return.

Didn't these feelings shit start with butterflies, happy moods, giddiness, goosebumps, excitement, you get the point, the good stuff man. Then why did mine have to start out so shitty. Now I was supposed to hide in the shadows and try to bury these stupid feelings that I did not even understand. I never asked for this, I never asked to like my best friend, I didn't.

I did not hear a single word that Mr Tanicho said but the bell had already rung and it was time for my next class.

"Why are you avoiding me and ignoring me?"

"I'm sorry Kylie, I guess it's my mood swings." I shrugged her off and left her right in the middle of the hallway. I know I was acting like a bitch but at that point, it was so damn hard to hide my feelings. I just couldn't, no matter how much I tried. I just wanted to be alone and Kylie was not giving me the space that I wanted. She was bothering me.

It was so damn hard to hide the fact that I was dying on the inside and the worst part was that I had nobody to talk to.

I came across Janine and I just passed her as well, got into the math class, took out my books and pretended to listen.

I felt like a zombie, every light in my body had shut down and all that was left was darkness, not even a torchlight was lit. My brain wasn't functioning, I swear it felt like I was running on a fat hamster's power and it was at the verge of stopping because it was so exhausted. Everything in me was slowly shutting down and my heart was aching. I had no idea how the hell I was going to work through all of that. I just didn't see myself getting through it... it was over for me. It hurt so fucking bad.

The bell finally rang and it was time to go home.

"Hey, ready to go?"

"Uh, sure." I said in a stammer. 

I got into Kylie's car, buckled up and looked straight ahead, as though I was the one that needed to watch where I was driving.

"Are you okay Elle?"

"Yea, I told you, I guess it's the mood swings." I said to her.

"Getting your period soon?"

"Yea." I lied.

"I thought you were due on around the fourteenth."

"I guess they changed Kylie."

"Oh okay. But your mood changed after we talked during lunch."

"I never said I was feeling blue, I said mood swings. If you don't understand, it means that I get different moods in a short period of time. They change."

"I know what mood swings are."

"Then stop asking me stupid questions." I strongly suggested.

"Woaah! Chill out man, I wasn't trying to fight."

"Sorry, sorry for coming onto you like that. I really am." I sincerely apologized.

"It's okay, I understand."

She dropped me off at my house. Nobody was home when I got there. Good! I really wanted to be alone and I knew that if my mother was home, she would ask a lot of questions like Kylie did.

You know what sucks about all of this. Whenever I was feeling like that, Henry would be the one who made me feel safe, who always made me feel better. And the best part is that, he didn't need to do anything, to say anything, his presence alone would make me feel a lot better. It would ease my heart. And now that I know why, I can't go to him because I'm definitely going to start acting awkward. I wish I didn't feel this way about him or I was still oblivious to it because now that I know, what's the point? What happened next?

I don't think I was fond of feelings anymore. They sucked.

I took The Notebook and started reading. I went to the page where I last ended and started reading. Or tried to.

"You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most." I read the part out loud and tears pricked my eyelids. I put the book aside because I couldn't bare to read anymore. I sniffed and buried my face in my pillow and started letting the tears out. I drowned in my own sorrow and sobs. My heart ached so bad, there was a heavy feeling in my chest that I could not endure.

I wished things were different. I had a crush on my best friend and my best friend was getting sexual with my other best friend. How sick was that?

It was hard to get out of bed the next morning. My body ached to remain in bed, my brain was on total shutdown and my heart... let's just not go there.