The New Boy

Chapter 27

"Hey Elle." Kylie greeted me when she saw me by my locker.

"Hi dude." I said with a tight-lipped smile. I was going for a bigger one but I guess my lips did not cooperate.

"So that's it? No explanation as to why my calls weren't being answered. Did I do something?"

"No Kylie, you did not." I said with a heavy sigh as I closed my locker.

"Okay." She prolonged the word, walking besides me as we headed to class. I did not want to be bothered and that was what Kylie was doing. I was not in the mood to talk to anybody and well, as for Kylie, she had enough problems to worry about that I did not want to dump mine on her and increase her baggage.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked as she stood in front of me.

"Nothing. I'm okay. Anyway, I'd like to know how you are holding up with the you know who situation."

"It's... it's a mission impossible but I'll be alright."

"Okay, now let's get to class." At least I got her to stop pestering me.

We got into Chemistry and I did not hear a thing. Mr Tanicho's voice sounded faint, the only sound audible in my head was my mom pointing out to my dad that he cheated. The voice echoed over and over in my head, each time making my chest heavier. I wanted to break down at that point but I knew better than to let my vulnerability show in front of all those students.

In my notebook, I repeatedly wrote the word love instead of writing what Mr Tanicho was saying.

They served pepperoni pizza during lunch and I only had one bite. Kylie's and Henry's faces were laced with worry but luckily for me, they did not ask any questions. Or maybe they did and I just did not hear them. Everything around me seemed blurred and out of focus. I felt lost. I shouldn't have come to school.

My mind was on fire, thoughts were constantly burning. My shoulders were tremendously heavy, weighing me down, making me feel paralyzed. My heart felt abandoned. Sadness hovered over my mind and soul. What was I actually feeling at that moment?

I could not escape the hurricane of thoughts.

The rest of the day was a blur and Henry was my ride home. I told him to drop me off at my house.

Walking to the door felt like a nightmare. My legs were shaking and I was blinking the tears away the whole time. My breathing got heavier and I was getting anxious by the second. Even taking my hand from my side to the door handle seemed like a mission, my breathing got shakier with every motion. I opened and found my mother making a sandwich.

"Hi mom." I said, my voice breaking. She rushed to hug me but I did not hug her back, my limbs were not cooperating at that moment.

"I'm so glad you're okay." She said with tears in her eyes.

As she withdrew from the hug, I noticed that the amount of make-up that was on her eye was way heavier than the make up applied on the rest of her face. I felt my heart drop as I thought about my dream coming true. Was it possible, had my father beaten up my mom? I thought he was better than that. I had extra wipes in my bag so I took one out and wiped off the make-up around her eye and I lost my breath as it came into view.

"Mom? What happened? Are you okay?" I asked, trying to hold back the tears that were trying to escape. She left me and went back to the counter to continue making the sandwich.

"Nothing happened, I am okay." She was acting a little jumpy about it. I knew she was lying but if I persisted longer for answers, I would breakdown. I immediately rushed to my room and locked myself in it.

The thoughts were accelerating in my head. I wanted them to slow down so that I could breathe but they would not. My breaths came in gasps and I felt like I was going to have a black-out. My heart was hammering inside my chest. I felt as though energy was constantly being drained out of me.

I was exhausted, too tired to eat, I felt like a zombie and I could not move a muscle. The tears would not stop flowing, I felt like I had no control over my emotions anymore. I felt...empty.

"Why do you love mom?" I remember asking my dad when I was eleven.

"She is like the center of my universe. Nobody excites me as much as she does. She still makes my heart skip a beat every time she smiles my way. That is the easiest way I can explain how I feel about your mother." He had answered.

What happened then? Was she not the centre of his universe anymore? Did his heart not skip a beat anymore? Was he lying to me because I was a kid? What the fuck was actually happening? Did my dad not love my mom anymore? But why? Was it possible to fall out of love? Was Henry right when he said it's all a game? All these thoughts were ambushing me and I felt like I could not do anything about it.

I also never pictured my dad as the type to hit a woman, my mom's blue eye broke my heart into a gazillion pieces. I lost all respect for my dad. I felt so alone.

I took my phone and dialled Henry's number but then remembered that he was with a girl. I could not call Kylie either, she had her own problems to deal with.

I had no energy to do anything at that point, I felt paralyzed and helpless. My friends had their own shit to deal with and I did not want to add to their baggage. What was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to talk to?

I tried reading a novel but the tears ended up blurring my vision and I put it away. I started to question my belief in love.

I dived into my dreams, trying to sleep my worries away but apparently that's unhealthy. But what else was I supposed to do? There was nobody to lean on at that point.

My dad was not home the whole weekend and I avoided my mom the whole weekend. I spent the weekend in my room, not answering calls or texts and stopped myself from going onto social media. I had the worst weekend on earth. I did not want to ask my mom questions because she would either lie to me or change the subject.