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From the moment I saw the guitar pendant fall from her . . .
"Is . . . is that yours?"
"Y-yes."
I already knew that she was lying, but I chose to embrace all of her lies because I wanted to see how long she could pretend.
Gusto ko lang namang paaminin si Vanessa noong una. Gusto ko lang marinig galing mismo sa bibig niya ang totoo—na hindi sa kanya ang pendant at hindi siya ang batang babae na nakilala ko sa ospital sa California pero unti-unti ay nahuhulog ako. I just wanted to play a game, but I ended up being the one who got played because I fell for her.
I don't know what made me fall for her—maybe it's her brown eyes, the dimples on her cheeks, her gentle and sweet voice when she sings, or the way she laughs. I just found myself being a fool for her. Alam ko naman ang totoo; alam kong kasinungalingan lang ang mga sinasabi niya pero natagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili ko na pinaniniwalaan lahat ng iyon dahil hulog na hulog na ako sa babaeng pinaniniwala ako sa kasinungalingan.
I willingly accepted her lies. I was a willing victim until I saw her sister, Valerie.
Wala akong naramdaman kay Valerie. She's pretty, and she was the real girl that I met when I was seven, but I felt nothing when I looked at her. She never made me crazy, she can't make me smile, and she doesn't have the power to make me a fool. I cannot even see myself and my future with her, but I pity her because she was a victim of Van's lies.
So, I started to make Vanessa believe that I want to be with her sister. I made her realize that I like Valerie because I want her to stop pretending. I want to hear the truth straight from her mouth. Mahal ko siya pero ayaw ko sa pagsisinungaling niya kaya kahit alam kong mali, ginamit ko si Valerie para mapaamin siya.
"Si Valerie?" I asked her.
She was silent for a minute before answering my question, "W-wala siya."
"Oh." I licked my lips and showed her a disappointed expression. I was just pretending to see her reaction.
With a teary eye, she looked at me. "Stop. Ako . . . ako ang nasa harapan mo so stop—stop looking for her."
It fucking hurts to see her pleading eyes, hear her soft voice seeking my attention, but I didn't stop. Paano siya aamin kung ipapakita ko sa kanya na siya ang kahinaan ko? Gusto kong sabihin na lamang sa kanya na alam ko ang totoo at wala akong pakialam kung nagsinungaling siya sa akin pero hindi ko rin kayang magmahal ng babaeng hindi kayang magpakatotoo sa sarili niya.
We were in Tagaytay when I wanted to end the charades. Hindi ko na kasi kayang saktan si Vanessa at magkunwari na may gusto akong iba dahil ang totoo ay sa isang babae lang ako nababaliw nang todo. Gusto ko nang tapusin ang laro na sinimulan ko kaya kinausap ko si Valerie para masigurado na siya ang batang babaeng matagal ko nang hinintay at siya rin ang babae na simula ngayon ay ibabaon ko na sa limot dahil may Vanessa na ako. I want to forget what we had because I am now moving forward with Vanessa.
