You Drive Me Crazy || Sam Evans

16. Grilled Cheesus

"Mr. Schue? I have something to say," Finn announced, standing up and moving to the front of the choir room. "Something happened to me, and I can't really get into it, but it's shaken me to my core," he continued.

"Oh, my god, he's coming out," Puck commented. Melanie was about to smack him when Finn's next sentence made her pause.

"Well, yes, there is a man who sort of recently came into my life," Finn added.

"What is happening?" Melanie muttered.

"And that man is Jesus Christ," Finn finished.

"That's way worse," Puck said.

"I know there are others here who dig him too, so I thought maybe this week we could pay tribute to him in music," Finn suggested. "You know, pay tribute to Jesus."

"Sorry, but if I wanted to sing about Jesus, I'd go to church," Kurt stated. "And the reason I don't go is because most churches don't think very much of gay people. Or women. Or science."

"I don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here," Mercedes quipped.

Melanie shook her head. "Separation of church and state... public school is state," she pointed out.

"Well, I've had a really hard year, and I turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks," Quinn said.

"Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard baby?" Santana asked sarcastically.

"Whenever I pray, I fall asleep," Brittany stated, sounding bored.

"Maybe the song selections don't have to be about Jesus. We could do songs about spirituality," Mr. Schue suggested.

Puck rolled his eyes, which didn't go unnoticed by Finn. "You got a problem with Jesus?" Finn called out.

"I've got no problem with the guy. I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He's my number one Heb. What I don't like is seeing people use J-Money to cramp everybody else's style. It seems to me that true spirituality, or whatever you want to call it, is about enjoying the life you've been given," Puck explained thoughtfully.

Melanie nodded at his surprisingly insightful comment, though her nod quickly turned into an eye roll at his next remark. "I mean, I see God every time I make out with a new chick," Puck added.

"You started out so strong too," Melanie sighed, lazily slapping his shoulder.

"Okay, okay, that doesn't make any sense. In fact, it's stupid," Rachel said irritably, glaring at Puck.

"Are you calling Mr. Billy Joel stupid?" Puck challenged.

"At this time, I'd like to continue my streak of doing only songs by Jewish artists," Puck declared, standing up and heading to the center of the room to perform 'Only the Good Die Young'.

The next day Melanie ran up to Kurt, engulfing him in a hug. "Kurt, I'm so sorry. I'm here if you need anything," she told him.

"Thank you," he nodded sadly as they released from the embrace.

"Kurt, we're really sorry about your dad's heart attack," Santana said sincerely, walking up to him.

"Thanks, Santana," he replied.

"I did a book report on heart attacks if you want to give it to the doctor. I got knocked down an entire letter grade 'cause it was written entirely in crayon," Brittany said, handing Kurt her report.

Kurt nodded with furrowed brows, looking at the report strangely but thanking her nonetheless.

"What the hell happened?" Finn demanded, storming into the choir room.