You Drive Me Crazy || Sam Evans

69. Naked

Everyone sat in the choir room, clapping happily as Finn turned to the whiteboard and wrote Regionals in bold letters.

"All right, people, we are back!" Finn announced, turning to face the group. "First of all, big props to Sam and Blaine for all their hard work making this happen."

Melanie smiled and leaned over to press a quick kiss to Sam's cheek.

"But there's no time to celebrate," Finn continued. "We just lost three weeks of prep for Regionals, and we still have to raise $400 to pay for the bus to Indianapolis."

"It's the Paris of Indiana," Artie added with an excited nod.

"I propose a bake sale," Finn suggested, though his smile faltered slightly when he noticed the unimpressed expressions around the room. "I mean, it worked last time."

"Yeah, because Puck and Melanie spiked the cupcakes with Mary Jane," Artie pointed out.

Jake and Marley both turned to Melanie, eyes wide.

Melanie huffed and held up a finger. "Puck spiked the cupcakes. I didn't participate."

"It was kinda your idea," Tina reminded her.

"It was a joke," Melanie groaned.

"I'd be willing to cut off my hair and sell it for extra cash," Joe offered earnestly.

Kitty gave him a slow, judgmental once-over. "To who? Jamaican kids with Rastafarian cancer? Or as rigging on a haunted pirate ship?"

"I could sell more of my semen," Sam chimed in.

Melanie's head snapped toward him, brows furrowed. "More?" she muttered, questioningly.

"This is silly," Tina interjected, stepping forward confidently. "I know exactly how we're gonna get the money." She turned to the group, eyes bright with excitement. "The Men of McKinley calendar. Let's face it—this is the cutest crop of Glee boys we've ever had."

Finn looked at her vaguely offended.

"That's actually a great idea!" Marley agreed. "And it's January, so it's the perfect time to sell them."

"There are six guys, so each one takes two months," Tina continued. "Blaine, you have to be December. Picture it—Sexy Claus." She suggested shooting Blaine a grin.

"I'm in as long as I can take my shirt off," Sam added.

"Wait, why does it have to be just the guys?" Artie interjected, frowning. "Why can't we objectify the girls too?"

"Because girls are the ones who actually buy stuff," Kitty pointed out matter-of-factly. "We drive the consumer economy. Those Twilight books are basically poop on paper, and we turned them into a billion-dollar industry."

"Team Jacob," Unique chimed in, holding up a hand.

Joe hesitated, then gave her a confused high-five.

"This could actually work," Finn admitted, nodding in approval. "Tina, you're in charge. Set up the photo shoot. Everybody else, pick your months and work on your concepts."

Tina beamed with pride as the group broke into applause.

"Good job, Tina!" Brittany cheered, clapping enthusiastically.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

"Sexy teen imbeciles." Principal Figgins said, folding his hands over his desk, his eyes shifting between Sam and Brittany while Ms. Pillsbury stood off to the side, her hands neatly clasped in front of her, a soft but concerned smile on her face.