You Drive Me Crazy || Sam Evans

06. Mattress

The New Directions gathered around the grand piano as Kurt threw down a stack of old Thunderclap yearbooks.

"Where's Rachel?" he asked.

"She's not here yet," Finn answered.

"Perfect," Kurt responded. "Glee club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face. But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution – swirlies, patriotic wedgies."

"What's a patriotic wedgie?" Mercedes asked.

"It's when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undies," Finn explained.

"Strangely, it did make me feel more American," Artie added.

"Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-Glee Club terror. I've done a little library research," Kurt stated, opening one of the Thunderclaps.

"Peter Gellar," he said, pointing to one of the vandalized pictures. "Glee Club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn-on Hitler mustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He's now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library," he finished.

"Patches?" Quinn questioned.

"Patches," Kurt confirmed with a nod.

"He barks at my mom," Brittany added.

"Exhibit B," Kurt said, opening another Thunderclap. "Tawny Peterson. Glee Club class of 2000. Seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years, would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling."

"Oh, hey guys," Mr. Schue greeted, walking into the choir room. "Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?" he said.

"It's really unsettling," Artie nodded.

"And totally unfair," Mr. Schue stated.

"Oh well, what can you do," Melanie mused, clutching the Thunderclap the group was just looking at.

"Hey, can I borrow one of these?" he asked Melanie, prying the yearbook out of her grip. "You know what? This year's Thunderclap is going to have a Glee Club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it," he promised.

The group smiled nervously at the teacher as he left the choir room. Taking a collective sigh once he was out of sight.

Later that day, Melanie sat at the drum set, her fingers hesitantly tapping the drumsticks against the drumheads. Finn stood behind her, leaning over her shoulder with a grin.

"You're doing great, Mel," Finn encouraged, his voice warm and casual.

Melanie chuckled nervously. "I feel like I'm just making noise."

Finn shook his head, his smile widening. "Nah, you're getting there. Let me show you again." He reached over and gently adjusted her grip on the drumsticks. "You want to keep a steady beat, like this," he explained, tapping out a rhythm on the drum with his hand.

Melanie nodded, trying to mimic his movements. "Like this?" she asked tentatively, following his lead.

"Yeah, exactly!" Finn exclaimed, his encouragement genuine. "Now try it a bit faster."

As they practiced together, Mr. Schue entered the room with excitement. "Hey guys! Great news! Glee club gets a photo in the Thunderclap," he announced happily, earning a half hearted cheer from the group of teens.