You Drive Me Crazy || Sam Evans

34. Funeral

"New Directions, I would like to introduce you to our new show choir consultant, Jesse St. James," Mr. Schue announced as Jesse walked in. Rachel clapped excitedly, but everyone else looked at him, a bit apprehensive.

"I don't trust this guy. He's gonna trick us into doing something stupid so his alma mater wins," Finn said, crossing his arms and glaring at Jesse.

"I don't need to do much tricking to get you to do something stupid, Finn," Jesse quipped. Lauren, Puck, and Mike shared a look, trying not to laugh.

"Guys, Jesse is just a consultant. I still make all the calls," Mr. Schue reassured them.

Melanie looked around, noticing the tension, and hesitated before finally sighing. "I'm sure Jesse will do his best to help us... I mean, he helped me the first time I got slushied," she admitted, speaking up for the consultant.

"Wait, really?" Rachel asked, surprised, and Melanie nodded, while Finn looked between them with an incredulous expression.

"Oh, wow, he doesn't kick puppies when they're down—he deserves an award or something," Finn grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"I have all the confidence in the world in you guys. I just think we could use all the help we can get, because this is it. We've been working so hard for two years for this moment, and that moment is finally here. I was talking with Jesse, and he agreed we should continue with our successful trend of doing original songs for the competition. I was thinking of one group number and one duet," Mr. Schue continued.

"Rachel and I should sing a duet. We i*lled it last year at regionals with Faithfully," Finn suggested.

"Yeah, it killed us. We lost," Quinn muttered.

"May I?" Jesse asked.

"Uh, yeah," Mr. Schue nodded.

"I agree that Rachel should sing lead," Jesse said, smiling at Rachel before turning to Finn. "But, Finn, I think it's best if you sit this one out. The fact is, most of the other guys in here are better singers. And Mike Chang, who can't even sing, can at least dance. You kind of sing and dance like a zombie who has to poop."

Melanie lightly smacked Sam's arm as he laughed, while she tried not to chuckle, like Mike, Kurt, Puck, and Lauren, who were all struggling to keep straight faces. As harsh as it was, there was some truth to Jesse's roast. However, she knew the comment would sting Finn's confidence.

"You see what I'm talking about? This guy's a jerk!" Finn yelled.

"I really like it when you sing, Finn," Melanie said, looking up at him kindly. "And your dancing is... well, you have a lot of... gumption," she added, trying to find something nice to say about his dance skills. Finn managed a small smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Maybe you could be a little gentler with your advice," Mr. Schue advised Jesse.

"Gentle?" Jesse questioned.

"Yes," Mr. Schue nodded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were training for the 'Good Try' ribbon at nationals. I thought we were in it to win the whole damn thing, and there's only one way we can do that," Jesse stated.

"Poison darts?" Brittany asked.

Jesse ignored her comment and continued, "The Vocal Adrenaline strategy is simple: identify your best performer and build the entire performance around them."

"So what does everyone else do?" Mercedes asked.

"And who's our star performer?" Puck questioned.

"We're gonna have auditions to find out. I'll post a sign-up sheet later this afternoon," Mr. Schue explained. Melanie straightened, intrigued by the idea that everyone would get the chance to audition.