Beyond the Beats

Chapter 65. Ambivalence

I gave myself two months time to check whether my new jobs could be managed with my old part-time jobs.

My health reports were not impressive, but they weren't really poor too. I wasn't put on the sidelines, and I was thankful for my luck.

After I got the news of Tejas being away for almost two weeks, I was going through what is known as ambivalence.

Fancy term, right? I also didn't know there was such a word that existed, and it fit perfectly with my situation.

I wanted to avoid Tejas because of a number of reasons, but his absence was feeling like a dark ominous cloud that followed me everywhere.

Why am I thinking about him so much? What am I going to do when he would return? I don't want to meet him, but I also keep getting reminded of our last conversation. What should I do with myself? These conflicted feelings are ruining my mental health. What do I exactly want?

Because of my inability to come to a proper conclusion, I was zoning out and messing up in my part-time jobs. Thankfully, my colleagues were very understanding and covered for me whenever I made a mistake. I couldn't do the same at my new jobs though since I had to prove myself there.

After acting like a half-dead brainless zombie for two days, I reprimanded myself to keep my personal life separate from my professional life.

I began my job at a fishing dockyard, and it was very energy consuming. I had to fill up huge tubs with fishes, shrimps, crabs, etc. after inspecting them; later, I had to load them up in a tempo. The more tubs I finished, the more I got paid.

The tubs were heavier, so I always carried them on my head as suggested by other working aunties, and I had some difficulty on my first day, but after a few days, I got the hang of the work.

The pay was good as told by Eknath Uncle, and me and my family loved fishes, so I always got one kilogram free of seafood to take home. I was really happy with this side job, so I shifted my call centre's job to late evenings.

My schedule for the weekdays looked like this:
4:00 am - Wake up and get ready within ten minutes. Grab tiffin and leave for the fishing dockyard. Hail an auto and catch the first fast train from the station two spots away from my home station.
5:15 am - reach the dockyard, start work at 5:30 and fill up tubs for two hours. Eat breakfast in the break.
7:30 am - leave the dockyard and nap in the train for two hours and reach the fast-food restaurant. Rest for one hour before shift starts at 10:30.
10:30 to 12:30 pm - complete the shift and leave for Sarthak's studio. Apologize for getting late and practice hard to catch up with the classes. Attend college if dance classes are held late in the afternoon.
5 pm to 6 pm - leave Sarthak's studio and reach call centre by 7 pm. Do the shift for two hours.
9 pm - leave for home and sleep in the train for two hours before I drop at my place by 12 am.

As for weekends, I slept like a sloth, ate, and took tution from Arushi. My mom's advice was really working. After resting on Saturday and Sunday, I felt refreshed to start my work on Monday. And with the help of health supplements, my fatigue had lessened too. Three to four hours of sleep wasn't enough, but the current situation of my family was more important than my sleep.

Once I get rid of Shailesh, I will sleep for one whole year.

Fortunately, for now, no important dance workshops or sessions were conducted on weekends. I knew the timings were going to change soon; looking at my hectic schedule, I was sure that I would have to quit my call centre job sooner than I thought even if my boss and colleagues were really nice. I had to do my studies too.

One week passed by just like that, and as Eknath Uncle had promised, I got a call to join the event management company he had selected for me.

Due to the promising aspect and my experience in the same field, I quit my call centre job after I got my salary. My boss tried to convince me to continue, but sadly I had to leave. I was glad that he was kind enough to understand, and he even offered that I could join back any time if needed.