Dying Embers

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Six: And then, I waited

"You're just overthinking it, Rain."

Tahimik akong napatingin kay Jilliana. Nasa bench kami sa harap ng campus field. I'd just finished telling her everything. Lahat ng nangyari kagabi, every detail, every word. Pero matapos kong ilabas lahat, iyon lang ang nasabi niya. You're overthinking it.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I am. Pero hindi ko 'yon kailangan marinig ngayon. What I wanted, what I needed, was the truth. Some kind of answer to ease this anxious weight sitting on my chest. Kasi hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong naririnig mula sa kaniya. No calls. No texts. Just silence. And the longer it goes on, the heavier it feels, parang may tinik na nakabaon sa dibdib ko na hindi ko matanggal kahit anong pilit.

I trusted Chance. So much. Maybe too much. But can you blame me for feeling this way? Kasi kahit wala siyang ginagawa, ang sakit pa rin.

"Did you even try calling him?" tanong ni Jilliana, breaking the silence.

Umiling ako. Hindi na rin ako makapag-salita sa daming iniisip. I can't even focus. My mind keeps going back to that call, replaying it over and over. What happened after he hung up? Why did he sound so rushed? Why does he feel so distant lately? I know he's busy with practice. Fine. But the way he spoke to me last night, he was so cold, so detached.

"Earth to Rain!" Jilliana snapped her fingers in front of my face, pulling me back to reality. I blinked, realizing how lost I was in my own thoughts.

"Girl, seriously," she said, half-sighing. "You're overthinking this. You know Chance. Hindi siya 'yong tipong biglang lalapit sa ibang babae. You're his first girlfriend, remember? And he's literally obsessed with you."

Napabuntong-hininga ako, staring blankly at the trees swaying nearby. I know. I know that too well.

"I just can't help but worry," mahina kong sabi. "He hasn't talked to me since that call."

"What if ikaw ang tumawag sa kaniya?"

"He's busy, Jilliana," I said almost defensively.

She just shrugged, a teasing smile playing on her lips. "Eh 'di call him anyway. Wala namang mawawala sa'yo."

Tahimik akong napatingin sa mga ulap. I kept replaying her words in my head. Alam kong tama siya. But I just hate feeling like I'm the one chasing him, like I'm somehow clingy or needy. I don't want to come across as that kind of girlfriend, the one who can't seem to live without her boyfriend constantly around. I know there's nothing wrong with making the first move, but I don't want to be a distraction. Ayokong maging dahilan para mawala siya sa focus niya.

I just want him to do well. To be okay. And I trust him.

I really do.

Jilliana and I finally got to class. A few minutes later, our teacher walked in, holding a workbook. Great. Looks like we're getting an actual lesson today instead of another worksheet.

I tried to focus as she started the discussion, pero wala talaga. Not a single thing she was saying was registering in my mind. Nakatingin ako sa harap, kunwari attentive, pero parang blur lang lahat ng sinasabi niya. My mind was somewhere else. With Chance.

I just want to talk to him. To ask him why.

Ang dami kong gustong itanong, pero mas marami yata 'yong nararamdaman kong hindi ko maipaliwanag. Frustration, longing, confusion, lahat sabay-sabay, parang ang bigat-bigat sa dibdib. I just want to see him. I just want to be near him. God, I miss him so much.