Dying Embers

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-One: Break and Burn and End

ᯓ★ play this while reading: ghost of you — 5 seconds of summer 𝄞 ⋆ˎˊ-

I looked at the seat where Chance used to sit, but it was empty. Parang ang tahimik bigla ng buong classroom. The chair that once held his laughter, his jokes, his warmth, now just sat there, cold and still. Nakakapanibago. The space he left behind felt heavier than his presence ever did.

The last time we talked... I didn't even know it would be the last. Hindi ko alam na 'yon na pala 'yong huling pagkakataon. Even now, I could almost smell his cologne lingering in the air, faint, bittersweet, like a ghost of all the moments I thought would last forever.

God knows how much I wanted to reach out... pero hindi ko kaya. My hands would tremble every time I thought of typing his name. My heart would race, only to crash again. I couldn't focus in class anymore. The teacher's voice turned into white noise, just words bouncing off walls I could no longer hear through. My mind was somewhere else, replaying fragments of what we used to be, his smile, his voice, his arms around me.

I miss him. I miss him so much it physically hurts, parang may mabigat na batong nakadagan sa dibdib ko, stealing every breath, every bit of strength I have left.

I wanted to say sorry. To tell him how much I still love him, how much it hurts knowing he's gone. Gusto kong hawakan ulit 'yong kamay niya, maramdaman 'yong init na dati kong pinipilit kalimutan. Gusto kong sabihin, "Come back... stay here." But maybe that's not right anymore. Hindi na siguro dapat. After everything I said, after pushing him away, begging him to let me go so he could chase his dreams, baka wala na talaga akong karapatang hilingin 'yon.

At mas lalo pang gumuho 'yong mundo ko nang marinig ko kay Henry, in that careful tone of his,"Nakaalis na siya."

Parang doon lang talaga sumabog lahat ng hindi ko masabi.

It was a chilly Wednesday, ironic how the weather mirrored exactly how I felt inside. The cold air bit at my skin as I ran down the empty hallway, barely noticing the echo of my own footsteps. Wala akong pakialam kung may makakita man sa'kin. I just needed to get away.

Pagdating ko sa may benches, sa ilalim ng malaking puno na parang saksi na sa dami ng kwento ng mga estudyante rito, doon na ako bumigay. I sat down, hugging my knees, and let the tears fall freely.

My tears wouldn't stop. Parang ulan na ayaw tumila, parang lahat ng sakit na matagal kong kinimkim, biglang sabay-sabay lumabas.

"I'm sorry," bulong ko sa pagitan ng hikbi. "I'm sorry. I miss you..."

"Ang ingay. Sino ba 'yan?"

Natigilan ako. Agad kong pinunasan ang mukha ko, tumingin sa paligid, pero walang tao. Hangin lang ang maririnig, at saka ang bahagyang pagkaluskos ng mga dahon sa may likuran.

Then someone stood up.

A guy. His hair was messy, eyes half-open, at halatang bagong gising. Pero nang magtama ang mga mata namin, pareho kaming napatigil.

"Wait, you're... Martinez's ex," sabi niya, diretso, walang kagatol-gatol. Walang halong biro sa tono, kahit parang hindi rin niya alam kung tama bang sabihin 'yon. Nakatayo lang siya ro'n, hands in his pockets, expression calm but unreadable.

I blinked, speechless. Hindi ko alam kung iiyak pa ba ako o maglalakad palayo.

"What are you doing out here alone... and crying?" tanong niya, sabay taas ng kilay.

Napakagat ako sa labi at mabilis na pinunasan ulit ang luha ko. Ang galing mo talaga, universe. Bigyan pa ng audience.

Tumayo ako, ready to leave, pero naunahan niya ako.