Dying Embers

Chapter Fifty-Two

Chapter Fifty-Two: Sa Ibang Pagkakataon

It's 11:23 PM. Everyone's already inside their tents, fast asleep.

Nakakatawa, kanina pa nila sinasabi na hindi raw sila matutulog buong gabi. Pero ngayon, tahimik na tahimik na ang paligid. Only the soft rustle of leaves and the faint hum of crickets break the stillness.

I stepped out for a bit. Kaharap ko ngayon ang bonfire na halos wala nang apoy, just a few glowing embers fighting to stay alive. The air is cold enough to sting, but I barely notice.

In one hand, I'm holding the cupcake Henry gave me earlier. Yup, binilhan nila ako ulit ng cupcake at pera ko pa ang pinambili nila. I almost laugh at the absurdity. My fingers are still wrapped with a band-aid. In the other, a small candle, the only one I have. I light it using the last flicker from the dying fire, then gently place it on top of the cupcake.

"Happy birthday, Rain," I whisper to myself.

The tiny flame wavers, trembling like it knows how fragile this moment is. It's been years since I last made a birthday wish.

Kasi gusto mo man o hindi, hindi na ikaw 'yong mahal niya.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Jilliana's voice plays over and over in my head, loud enough to drown the night. I want to forget him. Gusto kong ipaalala sa sarili kong tapos na. Na wala na.

God, I do.

Pero paano ko pipilitin 'yong sarili kong maniwala na tapos na, kung kahit saan ako tumingin... siya pa rin ang nakikita ko?

My throat tightens. I can feel the tears rising again. "Gusto ko nang matapos 'to," I whisper. "I think I deserve to be happy... too."

A soft sob escapes before I can stop it. I quickly wipe my tears away, but they keep falling anyway.

For the last time, Chance... I love you.

I close my eyes, breathing in the silence.

And when I open them again, I blow out the candle. The smoke curls upward like a goodbye.

I stay there for a while. Hindi naman ako makatulog. I just wanted to spend my birthday alone, like I always do. Birthday blues are real, sure, but this one hits differently. It's heavier. Parang may kung anong puwang sa dibdib na hindi ko mapunan.

Nandito siya, pero may iba naman.

Five years. Dapat siguro nabawasan na 'yong sakit. Pero kahit gaano katagal, it still feels the same. At least, for me.

When I notice the bonfire finally die out, I sigh and decide to go back. I'm about to turn away when I see him.

Chance.

Nakatayo siya a few feet away, tahimik lang, nakatingin sa 'kin.

Anong ginagawa niya rito? Kanina pa ba siya diyan? Narinig niya ba lahat ng sinabi ko?

My chest tightens. Sana hindi.

"C-Chance," I call softly.

He shifts awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "U-Uh, hindi kasi ako makatulog. I was about to call Clara. Hindi ko alam na gising ka pa."

Clara. The name stings like cold water down my spine.

I bite my lip hard, forcing the tears back down. "Okay..." My voice cracks a little, but I keep walking, toward him, because that's the only way to get to the tent.

With every step, I silently beg him not to see through me. Sana hindi niya mapansin kung gaano ako kahina. Kung gaano ako ka-miserable sa sitwasyong ako rin naman ang pumili.