Dying Embers

Chapter Thirty Nine

Chapter Thirty Nine: Cold

It's been one week, wala na akong balita kay Chance simula nung huli naming pag-uusap. One week na rin akong umiiyak. Hindi na rin ako nakauwi sa bahay namin nung Saturday, nagrason na lang ako kina mom at dad na may project na kailangan tapusin para hindi na sila magtanong ng kahit na ano.

Exam na namin ngayon, hindi ko alam kung na-review ko na ba lahat ng mga pwedeng ma-review. Hindi ako nakapag-focus sa mga nagdaang mga araw. All I did was to check my phone if there was a message from Chance, but who am I kidding? Ako ang nakipag-hiwalay sa kaniya. Nasaktan ko siya. He actually chase and beg me. Hindi na ako aasa na kakausapin niya ako ulit after I made everything clear that I didn't love him... even if it's a white lie.

Hindi ako okay. In fact, gusto ko munang mag-absent ngayon, pero it's our final exam, so I have no choice but to go to school.

I arrived at school with a heavy heart, my bag slung over my shoulder, and my notes clutched tightly in my hands. The campus felt colder than usual, or maybe it was just me. One week. Isang linggo na simula nang maghiwalay kami ni Chance, pero parang kahapon lang lahat nangyari. Every day felt like I was dragging myself through quicksand, barely making it to the next.

Pumasok ako sa classroom at umupo sa pinaka-likod na bahagi, hoping no one would notice me. Jilliana glanced my way, concern written all over her face, but she didn't say anything. Alam niyang wala rin siyang makukuha sa'kin kahit anong tanong niya.

Pero parang tumigil ang mundo ko nang marinig ko ang isang boses na hindi ko akalaing maririnig ko ulit. Chance. Tumatawa siya—isang tawa na minsang nagdala ng saya sa'kin pero ngayo'y tila punyal na bumabaon sa puso ko. Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko, at pakiramdam ko'y mawawalan ako ng balanse.

Dahan-dahan akong tumingin sa doorway, and there he was. Kasama niya si Henry at Nimbus. Nakatayo siya roon, suot ang kaniyang uniform, ang bag nakasabit sa isang balikat. He looked the same yet so different. Ang pagkabato ng ekspresyon niya, ang kawalan ng emosyon sa mukha niya—parang ibang Chance ang nasa harap ko ngayon. Pero kahit ganoon, hindi ko mapigilan ang mabilis na pagkalabog ng puso ko nang magtama ang mga mata namin.

I almost stopped breathing. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Katabi ko siya dapat sa upuan, at inaasahan kong lalapit siya. Pero nagulat ako nang bigla niyang iniwas ang tingin at naglakad papunta sa kabilang dulo ng classroom. Naupo siya sa isang bakanteng upuan, malayo sa dating puwesto niya sa tabi ko.

What was that? Parang may mabigat na bumagsak sa dibdib ko. I wanted to call out to him, but my lips refused to move. Ang hirap basahin ng mukha niya, and the distance he put between us felt like an entire ocean.

At kasalanan ko 'yon.

The exam papers were distributed, and I stared blankly at the sheet in front of me. Words blurred together, the questions becoming meaningless. My mind drifted back to him—to his voice, his pleading, the way he held me like I was the only thing he needed in this world.

Bawiin mo... Nieve, please...

I shook my head, trying to push the memory away, pero hindi ko magawa. I took a deep breath and forced myself to focus. This is it, Rain. One step at a time. You can get through this.

But I couldn't.

Halfway through the exam, I felt my chest tighten, and the world around me seemed to close in. My breathing became shallow. Panic crept in, and I knew I couldn't stay. I stood up abruptly, catching the attention of Jilliana and a few other classmates.

"Miss Arce, are you okay?" tanong ng teacher namin, concern in her voice.

"I'm... sorry po," I stammered. "I need to go to the restroom."