Dying Embers

Chapter Sixty-One

Chapter Sixty-One: Past and Future

It's been almost two weeks.

Two weeks since Psalm asked me out on that date. Since I accidentally told Jilliana about it. Since Henry looked at me like he was trying to read between lines I didn't even realize I was writing. Since I told myself: This time, I choose peace.

And that also meant, forgetting about him.

Chance.

Sa loob ng dalawang linggo, nagiging routine na: sleepy good mornings, Psalm draping his oversized hoodie over my shoulders every time nagrereklamo ako na ang lamig ng AC sa kotse niya. Two weeks of walking side-by-side after they trained the high school players, coffee runs and shared earphones, random "Labas tayo. I miss you." texts that made my chest warm in a way that didn't hurt.

Things were easy.

Almost suspiciously easy.

But sometimes, when the world finally quiets down, your mind starts to play the things you've been silencing.

"Rain, are you coming tomorrow? May new training place daw 'yong baseball team."

I turned to Jilliana while we walked across the covered pathway. She was headed to the field, and I was on my way to the gym where Psalm was already waiting. Kakatapos lang ng graduation practice namin, and next week na 'yon.

Hindi nakasama si Psalm sa practice ngayong araw dahil may pinuntahan pa siya, and now he just texted me na hinihintay na niya ako sa gym. Si Jilliana lang kasama ko ngayon dahil magkakalapit lang naman ng seat ang CHS at CTE Department. Sila Henry naman ay sa kabila pa.

For the past weeks, Jilliana had finally admitted na nanliligaw na sa kanya si Nimbus, which, honestly, hindi naman talaga new information. Halos dikit-sapin-sapin na nga silang dalawa, parang may invisible glue.

I shrugged. "Tingnan ko muna."

"Ganon?" She nudged my arm dramatically. "Hindi ka na masyadong sumasama sa'min. I hate being the only girl, you know."

She paused, grin forming but her voice still casual, like she wasn't dropping something loaded—

"...break na pala sina Clara and Chance."

The words landed like a pebble dropped into still water. Small, but the ripples were immediate.

The air tilted, just slightly.

She glanced at me for just a second. Like she was stepping carefully around glass.

Naglakad lang ako nang diretso. "Okay," I said.

Jilliana slowed, studying my face like she was checking for fractures. "Di ko alam exactly when. Ayaw sabihin ni Henry. Sabi lang they talked and ended it. Which is... weirdly mature of them? Tuwing kasama ko si Chance, wala naman siyang sinasabi, pero he's not like before. Not like when you two ended..." She paused. "Parang, for once... he's free."

Her words blurred into the background. My steps felt mechanical, like I was watching my body from somewhere outside of it. My palms had gone damp, my throat felt like it had been lined with cotton.

I told myself it didn't matter. That it shouldn't matter.

But for the rest of the walk, I wasn't really there.

By the time we reached the field, Jilliana jogged toward our group, waving like nothing happened. Like she hadn't just tilted my whole gravity a little off-center.

Alam kong nando'n si Chance.

I didn't look. I didn't stop.

I just kept walking toward the gym, toward something I told myself I wanted. Toward something that didn't hurt.