I feel like all I rant about lately is my mom.
So I was at dinner with my parents tonight and my dad and I were joking around about my life being a sitcom and me being a waitress/wanna-be-actress and my mom just popped in with this:
"Catherine is going to be going to college and pursuing her interests as a legitimate job when she's older. Maybe she'll have acting and singing on the side, but she's going to have a decent job when she's older, not just a waitress with no plans."
You can imagine how I felt when she said this.
If you can't, here's what my thought process basically was:
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO SAY ANY OF THAT? IT'S MY LIFE, NOT YOURS, YOU CANNOT TELL ME WHAT I WILL BE DOING WITH MY LIFE. IF I WANT TO BECOME A SINGER OR AN ACTRESS, I WILL DO THAT. I AM NOT GOING TO BE HELD DOWN BY YOUR STUPID IDEAS ON WHAT MY LIFE IS GOING TO BECOME. MY DREAMS INVOLVE SINGING, THEREFORE I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO BE MAJORING IN SOME SORT OF SHIT LIKE THAT IN COLLEGE. I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE I MIGHT POSSIBLY WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, EXCEPT MAYBE WRITING, BUT EVEN THAT COULD BE A DIFFICULT FIELD TO WORK IN BECAUSE NOT EVERY BOOK GETS PUBLISHED, RIGHT? AND EVEN IF THEY DO, THEY AREN'T ALL POPULAR. YOU BASICALLY WANT ME TO BE A TEACHER (NO) OR SOMEONE WHO WORKS A SHITTY DESK JOB, NEITHER OF WHICH WILL MOST LIKELY BE HAPPENING. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL MY FUTURE AND THINK YOU KNOW ME.
I legitimately keep crying while writing these rants and I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm 13 years old, it's not like I can confront her about this, she'll just say I'm confused and I have plenty of time to decide on what I want to do, but I have plans for myself. My dad understands, he's constantly encouraging me to continue singing and telling me how proud he is of me, and my mom only ever does that when she knows she's been really rough on me (a fairly uncommon realization). I am so fucking sick if it and I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself anymore.
Also, I have to have all of my lines for camp memorized by Monday and we haven't even gone over some of the scenes yet...
-_-
I'm just sick of all this, honestly. I just want to be understood by more than one person that I know in real life (I have literally one friend who knows I'm bi and knows all my opinions on stuff, but she's the only one). I hate this.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Also I've listened to She's Kinda Hot about 50 million times in the past two days and I'm still listening to it now.
-Cat
