Well I cried several times this morning.
"Why?" you ask?
My brother left for college this morning.
I won't be seeing him again until November.
I knew all this already, I've fully grasped it all at this point.
But why was I crying?
I never said goodbye to him.
I was up in my room last night, never gave him one last goodbye hug or anything before he left at 5 am with my parents to drive down to Maryland.
I hate him, but it's in a sibling kind of way, you know? And it sucks, because I feel like this guilt is going to be pressing on me for months now. He's my brother, I don't get along with him a lot, but he's a hell of a lot better at comforting me and giving me advice than my other brother (who's only a junior in high school, so I've still got another couple of years with him).
This is the time when I start hating the whole "youngest sibling" thing again.
When you're the oldest or the middle, you don't have to worry about being stuck alone with your parents while your other siblings are off at college wherever. You'll always have a younger sibling. When you're the youngest, though, you know you're the one your parents will be stressing about the whole "empty nest" thing with. You're going to be stuck with them.
My mom has also been feeling guilty because she knows she's been focusing waaaay more on my brother than me lately. I'm starting high school, he's starting college. She feels like she's been 'neglecting' me (even though she's been paying about as much attention to me as she does usually) and trying to bond with me on occasion, but it's a really awkward sort of thing where she says the same thing every time.
Nice try, mom, but you don't need to try and act like you care about me the way you do your other two children, who you obviously focus on more than me.
Make up all the excuses about how I've always been more "independent" than them, but it doesn't make a difference to me. You don't pay as much attention to me as them, and you never have.
Shit, I'm making myself cry YET AGAIN while writing a rant.
Okay, good news is I finally finished season one of Once Upon A Time and have moved on to season two and I'm now three episodes in and will most likely move forward even more tomorrow after my first practice for West Side Story.
I still haven't finished my summer reading, nor have I taken any notes, which I have to have by Tuesday, so I'm basically screwed in that note.
Why are my rants always so long?
-Cat
