remember back in the good old days when people used to actually read/comment on the first rant book and i would post those annoying rants where i'd complain about how alone i am?
guess what's back -_-
school sucks ass. today was definitely the worst. i was picked to be a part of the "ad campaign" (it's complicated) and today i had to sit in front of the entire school wearing a silver blazer that literally went down to my knees along with white sunglasses that were too small for my face. i was supposed to keep a straight face, but of course i couldn't because i laugh when i start feeling awkward. i hated it, and now i have to go on my school's "morning show" tomorrow morning (it's really just morning announcements but they make it look like it's like a morning news show or something) and stand next to a senior who'll be dressed in a shark costume while talking about this stupid campaign and i don't have the script or anything for it yet but i'm not looking forward to that.
that has nothing to do with my feeling of loneliness, though.
i literally just ranted about this to my mom and i hadn't realized how much pent up anger i had about it, but she was actually doing a decent job with comforting me until she started trying to get me to see things through other people's eyes.
basically, i have no friends.
okay, that's not technically true. but none of the friends that i've made are in any of the classes that involve casual conversation/group work. in other words, music class (the one i'm most upset about, i'll get to my reasons in another rant), honors geometry (which only has five other freshmen), homeroom (also pretty damn bad), and spanish 1.
basically, in geometry, it's something you had to take a placement test in order to get into and it's mostly comprised of sophomores (the grade ahead of me, for people who may not know) and i try to talk with the other freshmen, but i'll get about two words out of one of them before they return to talking with (usually) another freshman. i love the teacher, she's really fun and really nice, but when it comes to the social aspect of that class, i hate it so much.
spanish sucks, too, because i literally have to force my way into conversations and, again, when i do that, i'll get maybe one or two responses out of the other people before they turn away and shut me out again.
homeroom is definitely my least favorite, right behind music class.
it's basically this ten minute period that happens right before first period, but you can get there whenever you want before school. there's a bell that rings ten minutes before homeroom starts, so i usually get my stuff for the first couple periods about then, then i head to homeroom.
where i sit alone in the back of the room while conversation ensues around me.
trust me, i'd much rather be sitting in the middle, even the front, but nooOOOoOOoooOO because alphabetical order must conquer all.
we sit at these two-person tables, but the girl at my table always talks to people on the other side of the room while the girl at the table next to me (who i consider myself friends with) will talk to me for maybe two seconds before turning to talk to the other person at her table. people get up and walk around and stuff, but i don't want to intrude on people's conversations, so i usually stay in my seat and wait for the occasional person to walk over and ask if i printed last night's theology homework or something before walking away the second an answer is given.
i hate it.
i'll write a rant about music class later, i'm too tired from my half hour of crying into my mom's shoulder earlier.
on the bright side, i've gotten one of my new friends into halsey.
whoot whoot
let's hope that i survive the rest of this week...then the rest of this school year...then the next three years after that 😒
-cat
