So no one has written in here for like a month and a half hahaha
*nervous smile*
Personally, I haven't been writing here because I've been using a rant book on my main account, but I'm writing in here now because one of my friends from school has admitted to me that she reads it and I want to rant about her.
If you're looking for some background, I talk about her a little in my third rant (plus some others) from my other rant book.
Anyway, I'm facing a few problems with her that I don't really want to share with her for some pretty obvious reason.
One is that I'm honestly really scared to be her friend anymore.
Trust me, I love this girl to bits, but lately she's been freaking out about everything on the planet and whenever I attempt to calm her down she just begins listing more and more problems that she thinks she has to deal with.
I agree that she has to deal with them, obviously, but instead of actually trying to fix them, she just freaks out and continues to add more things to her list.
She might end up leaving the school we both go to next year because her dad keeps threatening her with that punishment, but I legitimately think that might be the best thing for her to do.
I go to an incredibly academically competitive all-girls school. I got a scholarship there for doing well on the entrance exam. She, however, did not. I've known her since fifth grade, and she came to my old school in sixth grade. She's always sort of struggled academically, but her older sister went to our school, so she was basically grandfathered in. The two of us have been really close friends...until about a month ago.
That was sort of her breaking point.
She texted me one night with this gigantic list of problems. She told me that she had once looked at a large kitchen knife and it had taken her about half an hour to convince herself not to stab herself with it. She ended up scratching her arm so much that she broke the skin and then the giant cut got infected and it still hasn't completely healed up. With all of this information being handed to me at once, it overwhelmed me. I ended up sitting in my bed that night, physically shaking and on the verge of tears because I didn't know what to do anymore.
I've barely spoken with her in the past month.
When she starts having breakdowns at school, I have to leave the room. It isn't because I don't care anymore. It's far from that. It's because of the fact that, over the past several months, I've been the friend that helps everyone solve their problems. People would come to me and ask me for advice, and even when I didn't know if what I was saying was right, most of the time they would accept it. But knowing that so many of my friends have been facing all of these problems recently and knowing that I'm one of the only people that's aware of these problems has taken its toll on me. Another one of my friends, who is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met, apparently had to go to the hospital for a suicide attempt recently. At least, that's what I've interpreted from what I've heard, because after my first friend's breaking point, I refused to listen to any sort of drama that's come up within my friend group. It gives me anxiety and made me want to rip my hair out and cry and cuddle these people all at the same time.
I'm sort of at that point in the school year where I really need it to be summer so that I don't have to talk to a lot of these people until next year.
Luckily, finals start a week from tomorrow.
So yeah. Basically, what I'm trying to say with all of this is that I'm scared to stay close to this girl. I want to keep being friends with her, since she is literally the only person I know in my personal life who legitimately likes 5SOS, along with a few other reasons, but the amount of anxiety she gives me mixed with the fact that I don't know what to do for her anymore makes me scared to make any sort of decision about all of this.
Anyway, this was very long and I haven't been here in like three months. Hello. I'll maybe be back soon. Please help me.
-Cat
