hi it's ri
i haven't been ranting on here for a while, since there were alot of things that went on since sept. 3...
there's this girl, let's call her M, and she hates me now.
why?
because of my disorders and how i'm 'messed in the head'. she said she couldn't handle me anymore. let me repeat, SHE can't handle ME even though shit is going on in MY head that shouldn't even bother her.
yes, i have random outbursts. yes, i can't really act 'normally' anymore. yes, i see and hear things sometimes. i can't help it. it's just the way i am.
somehow it affects her... ????
????¿¿???
so the group of friends i once had is gone, and my sanity walked away with them.
it shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but now everybody stares at me a wierd way and sometimes i hear my name in random conversations going on around me.
so i'm reaching out and trying to get help again. hopefully.
but the thing is i want to move to one of my old schools, everybody seemed to understand me and the whole class was really small (only 15 people, and only 5 girls) and all of the girls were all friends and it seemed like it was all just a dream.
but man, if only you can have the same dream twice.
now, with a class of almost thirty people, i seem so trapped and suffocated with all of the students squished into one classroom. all i hear is gossip about people, the teachers are horrible and most of all THE STUDENTS NEVER SHUT UP.
it's so frustrating trying to work while kids are screaming and yelling across the room.
the teachers on the other hand, don't do anything about this so it just gets so bad i get a headache.
OH and another thing, alot of students have told me the same thing repeatedly:
"if you don't listen to it, it'll go away."
or:
"if you don't look at it, it'll go away."
but there's a problem there.
i can't tell what's real or what's not. so half of the time when they tell me this i just pretend i couldn't hear them. plus, i didn't know the whole class knew about my 'messed up mind'.
probably because of M.
and i'm fucking pissed.
-riley
