*cheesy game show music plays*
Time to spin the wheel of Cat's rant topics! What will it land on today?
What do you know! IT'S CAT'S MOM!
WHAT A NEW AND EXCITING TOPIC!
Okay, so let's start with the backstory to all this. Tomorrow I'm going to this water park/theme park thing with some friends from my summer camp and (obviously) I need to have a bathing suit. My mom wanted me to wear shorts because the bottom of my tankini gives as much coverage as underwear does (as it usually would). She comes into my room at like 11:15 at night, digging through my drawers in an attempt to find shorts for me that will stay quickly and stuff.
Absolutely nothing she has me try on looks good on me, either in my eyes or hers.
I finally managed to convince her that I'd keep my cover-up on while I'm wearing my bathing suit, and I'll end up changing out of the suit when I'm done swimming and get into dry clothes and all that shit. She ended up leaving me alone, then like two minutes after I turn off my lights and stuff and get into bed, she comes back in.
What does she start talking about?
My body type.
Yes, mom, I know I have "child-carrying hips" and "softball-playing thighs" or whatever the fuck you're talking about, but guess what?
I AM INCREDIBLY SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY WEIGHT
I try to avoid looking at scales and stuff because I know that I eat a lot and I'm a lazy person who doesn't exercise a lot. I know that I've been shopping in the women's section since I was, like, twelve, and I don't like being reminded of it. She says that most people have body types more like mine and less like the people who model everyday clothes and stuff, but look at ALL OF MY IRL FRIENDS
THEY ARE ALMOST ALL SKINNIER THAN ME, AND EVEN IF THEY AREN'T THEY STILL ARE A HELL OF A LOT MORE CONFIDENT WOTH THEIR BODIES
I HAVE HAIR ON MY STOMACH, OKAY?
I GOT CHEST HAIR BEFORE CALUM FUCKING HOOD
I CANNOT BE CONFIDENT WITH MYSELF NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO BE. THE SECOND I WEAR A SHIRT THAT SHOWS THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF SKIN, OR THE SIDE OF MY BRA, I AM SHUT DOWN BY MY OWN MOTHER, SAYING I CAN'T WEAR THAT SHIRT IN PUBLIC
THIS IS NOT HOW YOU ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN TO BE THEMSELVES
PLEASE TAKE FUCKING NOTES, PEOPLE
I AM AFRAID TO TALK TO MY OWN MOTHER ABOUT ALL THE BODY-RELATED STUFF I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WITH HER BECAUSE I KNOW SHE'LL END UP TURNING IT INTO SOME SORT OF LESSON AND END UP COMPLETELY IGNORING MY QUESTIONS
THIS IS A PROBLEM THAT I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO SOLVE
I just...I need your help, guys. I'm not getting any comments anymore, and it makes me really upset, especially when it's on topics like this. I don't need to know you relate to me, I want advice on how the fuck I'm supposed to handle it. I just don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do.
I feel like Wattpad has been fucking everything up lately, too. All of my notifications come like an hour later than they're actually delivered. Not to mention basically all of my active readers have basically disappeared off the face of the earth. I just want to have something to do other than write all the damn time. When I crank out a shitty chapter for a book after a day and a half solely because I was too bored to do anything else, that's a problem.
I don't know anymore, guys. I'm just going to go listen to Fly Away on repeat for the next two hours.
-Cat
