Rule Number Five

20: It's complicated

Francorchamps, Stavelot, Wallonia, Belgium

"Hey," Oliver tersenyum, masih mengenakan race suitnya. "You okay?"

MJ memaksakan senyum. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Karena," Oliver bersandar di dinding garasi di samping MJ, "Kakak udah berdiri di sini sepuluh menit, bengong ngeliatin langit. Dan aku kenal kamu, Mici. Ada yang nggak beres."

"Aku nggak apa-apa Ollie."

"Yakin? Karena dari yang aku lihat, kamu sama Jeff agak... beda sejak balik dari Amalfi."

MJ berusaha menjaga ekspresinya tetap netral. "Beda gimana? Kita baik-baik aja, Ollie."

"Nggak tau deh," Oliver mengangkat bahu. "Kamu jarang ke garasi dia, dia juga nggak nyamperin kamu lagi kayak biasanya. Did something happen?"

"No, we just..." MJ menelan ludah. "We're just busy."

"Busy?" Oliver mendengus. "Mici, kamu tau kan kamu nggak bisa bohong sama aku?"

"Aku enggak—"

"Kamu selalu main-mainin ujung baju kamu kalau lagi ada sesuatu yang kamu sembunyiin," Oliver menunjuk tangan MJ yang tanpa sadar memainkan ujung kemejanya. "Spill."

MJ menghela napas panjang. "Have you ever... felt something you're not supposed to feel?"

"Ah," Oliver mengangguk pelan. "Let me guess.. Falling too deep too fast?"

"Something like that."

"Dan kamu takut?"

"Takut banget," MJ mengaku pelan.

"Karena Arlo?"

"Karena semuanya," MJ menatap adiknya. "This world, this life... it's complicated, Ollie. Nothing's ever simple here."

Oliver terdiam sejenak. "You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you're overthinking. Again." Oliver tersenyum lembut. "Aku liat Jeff sama kakak. It's different, Mici. He really cares about you."

"Kamu tuh nggak tahu, Oliver."

"Actually, I do. Aku kenal Jeff juga udah cukup lama. Sama kayak kamu. And trust me, he's never been like this with anyone else."

MJ merasakan jantungnya berdebar lebih kencang. "Like what?"

"Like he's finally found something worth more than racing," Oliver menatap kakaknya penuh arti. "The way he looks at you when he thinks no one's watching... it's real, Mici."

MJ merasakan matanya mulai panas. If only Oliver knew. "It's not that simple."

"Why not? Why do you always have to complicate things?" Oliver menggeleng. "Aku tau kamu takut. After everything with Arlo... it's normal. Tapi kamu nggak bisa terus-terusan menutup diri."

"I'm not—"

"Yes, you are," Oliver memotong lembut. "You push Jeff away because you're scared. But Mici... I've never seen you happier than when you're with him."

MJ menyandarkan kepalanya di bahu Oliver, membiarkan air matanya jatuh. Karena Oliver benar—dia memang takut. Takut karena perasaannya untuk Jeff terlalu nyata, sementara semua ini hanya sandiwara.

"Terus aku harus gimana?" bisiknya.

"Mungkin," Oliver mengusap rambut kakaknya lembut, "Berhenti lari-larian. Berhenti kabur. You deserve to be happy, Mici. Really happy."

"Thanks, Ollie."

"Sama-sama," Oliver mengecup puncak kepala kakaknya. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a race to win."

"In your dreams, baby brother. Jeff's starting from pole."

Oliver tertawa. "We'll see about that. Dan Mici?"

"Hmm?"

"Whatever's holding you back... ask yourself if it's worth losing what could be the best thing that's ever happened to you."