Luna Felix

63 | Selfish confessions

REI' POV

Distraction is an art and Felix West is professional at it. From hell to heaven there is nothing this woman hasn't done to distract herself from her sadness.

And in front of the others, she acts unaffected. She stays away from work siting her doctor's order. Which might have fooled others but not me. I have seen her try to investigate and research even when she was burning with fever. She is capable of throwing away doctors' orders. Doctor suggestions mean fuckall to her.

But she is sticking to them. At first, I thought that the injury and event were so traumatic she was a little more thankful for her life. Just like me. However, that is untrue.

I have seen her narrate the. Incident front to back and then some without a glimpse of sweat, without a single blip in her heartbeat which I am always tuned to and without a single nightmare about. She doesn't fear that entire ordeal like me. Nor has that ordeal affected her like it did to me.

There is something else, something else that's stopping her. Stopping her from totally being her. And I am determined to find out.

So I took some time to talk to people around me. Refusing to jump the gun with my lack of emotional awareness sometimes. I gathered opinions, advice, anecdotes and other detailed accounts from books. And then I mulled over them for a day.

My conclusion was that I needed to talk to her. And not indulge her. I shouldn't let her get away with it in the name of peace. It would get harsh and messy.

So here I am, walking leisurely to our chambers as the west wing is filled with music like always. Oh goddess how I have missed this music while she was asleep.

As a habit, I slipped into our bedroom. Felix was standing with her back to me in a pair of matching sweats, folding her laundry.

I just called her name to draw her attention as she didn't seem to be turning to me as she usually does, "Felix .." I said.

Felix turned around and screamed in fright. Her hand clutched over her heart, her eyes widened as she registered it was me.

I froze at her reaction, unable to realise she couldn't hear me come in.

Fefe's POV

I love myself. I do, I really really do. But I am not self-centred. Does that make sense? I hope it does.

So it came as a shock when I woke up with the realization that I no longer possess the abilities that have defined my entire life. And I didn't just feel grief at losing that part of myself. I felt like it was not worth living anymore.

I am now a human. Or as close to humans as a supernatural can be. But a weak, fragile human nonetheless.

It was scary how my brain went instantly to my incapability. That just because I am no longer useful to anyone, I no longer hold enough worth to exist.

Which is not true. I know that. The people around me know that. Rei knows that.

Goddess bless them because every single one of them has made me feel loved, cherished and irreplaceable. But they couldn't understand the depth of my incompetence, could they?

If I was ever this sceptical of myself, I would always seek comfort. I no longer have rational support. My mother isn't with me anymore. If I show signs of such depth of instability, what would Dad think? What would Flynn do? Mother used to say I am the pillar of the family, and the pillar needs to stand strong. The Pillar doesn't wobble, because if it does, no one would trust its support anymore.

I was thankful that Rei wasn't here, because while he was gone at least I could be alone in our bedroom, for a few hours on the pertex of rest and think. Think and think and think.