Funny Comebacks

35: Fml Moments

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Chapter 35

1) Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh God, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

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2) Today, my girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me, just after I fixed up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

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3) Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

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4) Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to un-see that. FML

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5) Today, while playing a basketball game, I has to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

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6) Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

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7) Today, I found an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

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8) Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML

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9) Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like  him." FML

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10) Today, I went surfing, got on a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket the whole time. FML

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