Funny Comebacks

18: Fml Moments

A/N: I made it! I actually made 1,000 reads! thank you guys for voting for my story. thank you guys for adding my story to your reading lists, it really means a lot to me. ❤️ so for that, I made a new category! and, it's going to be longer ones on this particular chapter. welcome to "fml moments".

Chapter 18: Fml Moments

All rights go to respected owners.

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1) Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

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2) Today, my dad finally added me on Facebook, when I looked through his photos, I quickly noticed he'd heavily photoshopped the photos I'm in to make me look prettier. FML

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3) Today, my dad got so drunk he forgot my name. He started calling me "It." FML

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4) Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologizing for spying on him. FML

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5) Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet seat, I gave myself a nose bleed. FML

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6) Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractures my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

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7) Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high-five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

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8) Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than when I got married. FML

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9) Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

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10) Today, I sent my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on. Twenty minutes later, he texted back, "Ew stop." FML

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11) Today, I was jacking off into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it into the floor and watched a huge spider scurry out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

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12) Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

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13) Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

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14) Today, my mom asked me, "Shouldn't you be in your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life.

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15) Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop has been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter and no one else. FML

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16) Today, I discovered that while getting your haircut, you should say "yes" or "no", instead of nodding. FML

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17) Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

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18) Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

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19) Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments, stunned, still pooping. FML

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20) Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her right in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

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sorry for the 4-day late update! I've been trying to figure out what should this new category be about & I finally figured it out! so yea..

QOTD: do you guys like this category?

Thanks for reading!

- Yana x.

STAY BOOTIFUL