Funny Comebacks

38: Funny Texts

Chapter 38: Funny Texts

I'm back!

1) Mark

Me: Dude what's your street name?

Mark: Lil Marco

Me: Lol you live on a street called Lil Marco?

Mark: Ohhhh you meant my address?

-

2) Jason

Me: We're not naming our first child Naruto.

Jason: you say that now but when you're high on the epidural and I'm filling out the birth certificate how are you gonna stop me

Me: How much of this do you have planned?

-

3) Katie

Katie: what's ur major

Me: Communications

Me: Yours?

Katie: im doing biology I want to be a pedestrian

Me: A what lmfao

Katie: like i want to be a doctor for kids

Me: A pediatrician?

-

4) Cole

Cole: What are you doing?

Me: laying in bed

Cole: Mmm... Just laying in bed? Nothing else...?

Me: im eating cereal

Cole: Haha nice

Cole: What would you do if I was in bed next to you?

Me: eat my cereal

Cole: Lol I mean if the cereal wasn't there

Me: then id get out of bed and go get cereal

-

5) Grandma A.

Me: Heard you got an iPhone! How do you like it?

Grandma A: Massachusetts

-

6) bestfriend4life

bestfriend4life: Scientifically, it's mad fucked up that humans drink the milk of another animal when we make our own. Like you don't see rhinos sucking on another goat for milk. Mad fucked up scientifically.

Me: how high are u

bestfriend4life: Yes

-

7) birth giver

birth giver: How make chicken

Me: what

birth giver: Where buy chicken

Me: mom this isn't Google

birth giver: Avocado

-

8) Not My Drug Dealer

Not My Drug Dealer: don't save my name as anything sketchy.

Me: Okay man I gotchu.

-

9) mommy

mommy: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

mommy: Did you finish your homework?

mommy: We have to go to your grandmother's house for thanksgiving.

mommy: Dad and I talked, we're going to buy you a car next month.

Me: u are??? omg thank u

mommy: No we're not. I just wanted to make sure you were getting my texts.

Me: that was cruel

-

10: my doggy

my doggy: dude I just accidentally  smashed your lamp

Me: Why do you ALWAYS break my stuff?

my doggy: I don't ALWAYS break your stuff

Me: Remember when you CRACKED THE TV SCREEN?

Me: Remember when you SHREDDED MY MATRESS?

my doggy: remember when you PAID SOMEONE TO CUTT MY BALLS OFF

Me: I'll just buy a new lamp.

-

Please VOTE and COMMENT.

Happy reading!